Drew Brees 5476*

So this is fair.

The Year Christmas Literally Kicked My Ass

An open letter to the my long-time friends this New Year's Eve...

Can Nice Guys Finish First?

My wife Vickie has an inscrutable process for choosing her favorite Patriots player. In the case of her first favorite player, Willie McGinest, it came down to one play, a sack of Peyton Manning in which Willie made an incredibly athletic move to get to the quarterback. “Did you see that?” Of course I did; I’m watching the game. “Who is that guy? He’s sung,” she said, using a Tai Chi term that I was familiar with but hadn’t really understood until that moment. Willie was so in tune with the game of football that there wasn’t an ounce of tension in his body. He moved like water in a river. “Yeah,” I said. “That’s Willie McGinest.”

Her latest favorite player does not move like water in a river unless that river just burst through a dam. Before his record-setting Sunday against the Bills, we watched LeGarrette Blount on the Patriots pregame show on WBZ and my wife said, “Who is that guy?” And that was before we got a look at his custom wheels. LeGarrette Blount, I suddenly realized, is Tom Hanks in “Big.” Who couldn’t like this guy?

It's Win or Go Home Time

In case there was any doubt, this is a quarterback’s league. Make a list of the best QB’s in the NFL and then cross-check that against a list of the teams in the playoffs. Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, Russell Wilson, Colin Kaepernick, Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees are probably on your list in some order and all of them going to the pigskin prom. And if it hadn’t been for an officiating gaffe in the Chiefs-Chargers game, Roethlisberger would be in the playoffs, too. Andy Dalton was close to making the best list but then he threw four interceptions against the Ravens. Good thing for the Ginger QB and Bengals’ fans that defense wins championships.

It Comes Down To This

This is the end. For some.

Good Times

Good times.

Is There a Fork in My Back?

Rationality is unfamiliar real estate for most sports fans. This despite the fact that hope so rarely triumphs over reason. Perhaps that’s why, when the underdog wins, it creates an indelible memory. The unexpected moments in life, the unpredictable moments that cause us joy or pain; they stay with us.

Some Dreams Come True... Don't They?

I almost never remember my dreams but I had a dream so vivid last night that I woke up elated, relaxed and happy. For the briefest of moments. Then I realized it was Saturday and the insanity of Christmas 2013 had yet to peak (I’m thinking 2:30pm on Monday). I say that after the blood pressure pushing anxiety of flying my daughter back home in between two major snowstorms, driving down to Logan at night in single digit temps and driving white-out snow. That was bad but we’re talking Christmas, here. It will surely get worse before it gets better. But I digress. Back to my dream…

That's Just Your Opinion Man

I guess I find it disturbing that anyone would look to the person described as “the Patriarch of ‘Duck Dynasty’” for advice of a cultural or spiritual nature but apparently this matters. Phil Robertson has offered his opinions on homosexuality (sinful and icky) and race (African Americans were much happier when they were riding in the back of the bus). Fans of the show and conservatives have come to Robertson’s defense on the basis of his 1^st Amendment right to say stupid things; it’s just what he believes, after all, and that should be cool. Chill out, America. I mean, we all know this is what most of the 60-something white men in America believe, don’t we?

It's Full of Stars

China launched and landed a rover on the moon. I mentioned it to a friend of mine and he said, “Here comes the new space race!” I don’t think so but if that was the case I think it would be an opportunity lost. Why not internationalize the space program? I suppose I see something like that as one or more bricks on the Yellow Brick Road. Heart, hope and happily ever after lies just up ahead. I don’t know. It seems kind of boring, doesn’t it? Everybody living in peace and happiness and matching teal tunics. We like to think of our lives in heroic terms rather than seek a contemplative life. We struggle, we compete, we overcome. Man vs. man, man vs. himself, man vs. nature. Man vs. those extra 10 pounds. 

Penultimate

Almost there.

It Could Be Worse

Not every movie has a happy ending. I hate those movies.

It's Writing Itself

They’ve lost stalwart DT Vince Wilfork, three-down LB Jerod Mayo and Vince’s DT dance partner Tommy Kelly on defense and RT Sebastian Vollmer and All Galaxy TE Rob Gronkowski on offense. They have almost as much money on IR as they do on the active roster. WR Danny Amendola has been nicked up since Week 1, safety Steve Gregory missed time with a broken thumb, cornerback Aqib Talib missed time with a hip injury and they only recently got pass-catching 3^rd down RB Shane Vereen back on the field after a stint on the short-term IR. And just as rookie wide receivers Kenbrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson seemed to be getting consistently on the same page with Brady, both of them got hurt.

After all that, the Patriots are 10-3-0 and if they win today in Miami, they will hold the “if the playoffs started today” #1 seed in the AFC Playoffs, thanks to that tiebreaker they hold with the Denver Broncos.

How is this possible?

A Play Here or There

Make a play. Win the game.

What Just Happened

I’m not sure what just happened. Am I asleep and happily dreaming or am I awake and face-to-face with an improbable reality? I’d say impossible but it seemingly just happened so impossible doesn’t apply. Improbable will have to do. Their greatest warrior, their Ajax, Rob Gronkowski fell and still Tom Brady and the Patriots would not accept defeat. They trailed 26-14 with 2:39 to play. They would need Tom Brady to be Tom Brady. They would need to recover an onside kick. They would need a call. They would need someone to step up in Gronk’s absence and they got Shane Vereen catching 12 passes for 153 yards.

I was just along for the ride. And yes, that ride made me throw up.

The Other Fifteen

A little shout out to Matt Schaub who got to ride fate’s savage roller coaster Thursday night. Banished to the bench in favor of Case Keenum thanks to a penchant for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with ill-timed interceptions was summoned by ex-HC Gary Kubiak when Keenum struggled against the #31 defense of the Jacksonville “Good Seats Still Available/Will Play in London for Food” Jaguars. The Texans trailed 17-7 at the half and fell further behind in the third quarter at 24-10. Schaub had rallied Houston to a 24-20 deficit and had the ball on the 22-yard line with 2:21 to play. It was redemption time for Matt Schaub. When his agent is looking for another team for him this off-season he could point to this game and say that Matt Schaub still has it. And then we saw that Matt Schaub indeed still had it. Instead of a game-winning TD pass, he threw an interception, effectively ending the game. After the chip shot field goal made it 27-20, Schaub was sacked for an 18-yard loss. Game over. He went from future starting QB for the Minnesota Vikings to backing up Andrew Luck in Indianapolis and not taking a snap for the next three years in two minutes.

Can you imagine the dark, foul ball of psychic energy that flooded Matt Schaub’s brain when he threw that interception? I can imagine him thinking for just a moment, “I’m in Hell. I’m doomed to throw ill-timed interceptions for all eternity! What did I do to deserve this? This seems way out of proportion to whatever I did. What? God is a Houston Texans’ fan? That’s kind of random isn’t it? It is what it is? Oh. Even so, isn’t God supposed to be love? Forgiveness? Oh. Except where football and specifically the Houston Texans are involved. I see. Oops! Threw another INT. Maybe there’ll come a time when this will all seem funny.”

Maybe it’s already funny.

Sometimes Life Intrudes

I'll get to the rest of the picks before Sunday (I hope). For now...

Houston 20, Jacksonville 31 - The Texans gave it everything they have to beat the Patriots last week. A third win in a lost season is insignificant unless that win is a pride-saving victory over one of the best teams in the NFL. That did not happen. Having taken pride off the table, Houston will bring its moveable feast of pigskin pain to Jacksonville to face a Jaguars team that beat them just two weeks ago. The 3-9-0 Jags are playing hard for a team whose best case scenario is 7-9-0. One thing's for certain with this game. I won't have any problem switching over to "Project Runway All Stars" at 9:00pm. 

Funny Business

He kids. Because he cares.

Do These Grapes Taste Funny to You?

Apparently, Bill Belichick owns a condo in the Houston Texans’ collective head. Or Antonio Smith’s head at the very least.

Messing with Texas

It’s the classic trap game.

Lucky 13

Happy Thanksgiving!

Worth It

I should be used to this by now, shouldn’t I?

A Cold Night in November

The fellow Patriots’ fans I’ve spoken with seem to be dealing with this Sunday night’s game with a mix of resignation and hope. On the one hand, New England’s defense is just two beaten up to hang with Denver’s offense. If the Pats D was healthy and whole, this would be the biggest regular season game in recent memory, a game for the ages really, with all the anticipation and anxiety of a Super Bowl. Instead, with Wilfork, Mayo, Kelly out and Talib, Arrington and Dennard – their top three cornerbacks – banged up and questionable, this is a game Patriots Nation can shrug off if their heroes should fail.

We’ll party if they win, of course. There’s some spark of light and hope inside all of us who root for the Patriots that cannot be denied. Peyton Manning is coming to town. It doesn’t get any better than this. It’s never been better than this.

Don't Cry for Me, Carolina

I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just move on.

There Will Still Be Blood

Another big, illegal hit. Cue the lamentation of the women.

Three Strange Days

The more we know, the more we know we don’t know. Our understanding grows arithmetically while our understanding of reality grows geometrically. If not algebraically. Is that a thing? I’ve learned enough math to know I don’t know a lot about math. The pie chart of my math knowledge requires a call out to document the less than single digit slice of my math knowledge. It goes without saying that my knowledge of temporal physics is similarly limited (given, you know, the math involved). So time maybe multi-dimensional. Time may go forwards and backwards at the same time (it feels like that at work sometimes). I know this. Some threads in that big ball of yarn that’s time are finite. They have a beginning and an end. Like the 2013 NFL Season. We’re on the back nine. Well, the back seven. It’s Week 11. Fates are in the process of being sealed.

A Few Bad Men

I’ve never been in an NFL locker room. I don’t know any more about the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin story than you do. I guess it’s always cool to play a Jack Nicholson clip but I’m not sure I buy the “A Few Good Men” meme. I’m never comfortable with the comparison of professional athletes to the men and women who serve in the military – even if it’s a movie. I know the “blood in” story in Sebastian Junger’s brilliant “War” and recognized the extreme circumstances under which those men were living. Do not make the mistake of extending the same level of understanding and empathy we feel for men and women under fire to athletes on a playing field. Those men in Restrepo were not playing.

Take the Points

I had this crazy dream where I was back in 2007. Randy Moss was throwing his hand up. Tom Brady was carpet bombing defensive backfields with touchdown passes. Wes Welker was roaming free over the middle. I don’t remember that gigantic tight end though. You’d think I’d remember somebody that big, and athletic, and – wait. What?

That wasn’t a dream?

Red Sox the Movie

I don’t have a problem with admitting I’m wrong; perhaps because I’ve had so much practice. My long-time reader knows that I like say that movies are not like real life. Well, I was wrong (again). At least sometimes, life is like a movie. The Boston Red Sox proved that last night.

Midpoint

Anything can still happen, right? Well, almost anything. You know who you are.

When Winning Doesn't Feel Like Winning Remember, You Won

That was a worse than worst case scenario first half for the Patriots against the Dolphins. It felt even more depressing than the 17-3 score might indicate. Then the Patriots took the second half kickoff and showed absolutely nothing on their first drive. It looked like it was going to be a long afternoon. I felt crushed. I know it’s wrong to invest so much of my emotional life in the outcome of a football game. Well, wrong is a strong word but I guess I have to admit it’s a trivial choice, at best. So there it is. When you judge me remember I’m not one of the people trying to set the world on fire for – from my perspective – questionable reasons. I know I’m setting the bar low here. It is what it is.

My Inner Child is a Weakling and a Coward

Last Sunday, the Patriots had a chance to essentially clinch the AFC East. A win would’ve given them a sweep of the Jets. Combined with the Dolphins’ loss at home to the Bills, New England would’ve sat atop the division at 6-1-0 with Miami bringing their 3-game losing streak to Foxborough. Instead, I’ve spent the week enduring pigskin pundits and bobbleheads renewing their love affair with Sexy Rexy and scratching my head over comparisons of Geno Smith to Steve Young.

Seriously?

Will Patriots Nation look back on the loss to the Jets and see it as a turning point in a championship season? Or will it come to be seen as the beginning of the inevitable end of the Belichick-Brady era? A lot depends on today's game.

Trade Winds

It’s accepted wisdom the NFL trade deadline is designed to prevent trades; it’s simply too early for teams that are failing to admit they’ve given up. This season may be a little different. The rash of injuries to key players and the relatively large number of “have nots” have some of us dreaming of a mid-season fix.

The Minor Fall

I suspect some pretty important plot points will be revealed this weekend. As usual, not all of the news is good.

Somebody Feels Worse Than You (If That Makes You Feel Any Better)

Some losses are tougher than others. The Jets in OT certainly qualifies. Playing without four week 1 starters on defense and still coming so close only to fall short? Yeah, that hurts. Getting Gronk back and losing. That stings like the honeybee. Getting Gronk back and not losing Gronk to another injury? That was okay.

I’m turning the page.

It’s all about Miami now.

Questionable

Gronk flew with the team to NYC.

He’s playing.

Walk the Walk

Losing Big Vince for the season was bad enough. Losing Wilfork and Jerod Mayo? That’s just cruel.

That Happened

Color me giddy. It’s the one right next to atomic tangerine.

Slings and Arrows

It’s been a bummer week all the way around. Rather than step back for some perspective, it appears the good citizens of Patriots Nation have their noses firmly planted in a lemming’s butt. I don’t know where we’re going but we do seem to making good progress getting there.

Anything Can Happen And It Probably Will

The house always wins.

Always.

Losing Hurts (But You Knew That)

Losing hurts but some people have lower thresholds of pain than others it seems.

Gronkless in Cincinnati

Rob Gronkowski will be out of the lineup for the fifth week in a row. Can the Patriots keep winning without him? Not easily.

Fours and Fives

It just keeps getting better…

No Triumph Without Adversity

The Patriots earned their most impressive win of the season with their 30-23 win Sunday night in Atlanta but lost Vince Wilfork for the season to a torn Achilles tendon. Wilfork is a Pro Bowl defensive tackle and perhaps more importantly a true heart and soul guy. His loss has already conjured up Richard Seymour’s name. Wilfork’s loss should also shut the pie holes of all those who were bitching about the $10m in salary cap the “cheapskate” Patriots had held in reserve. Not that I’m recommending New England overpay for Seymour or any other of the available free agents; there’s a good reason they’re available.

                                        

Waiting for the Inevitable

According to the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, this is the week the Patriots will finally be exposed as the pigskin pretenders they are. Truth be told, they seem annoyed by the Patriots 3-0-0 record. Have they grown weary of waiting for Brady’s skills to diminish? For Belichick to retire? For the Patriots to finally yield to the inevitabilities of the NFL’s relentless commitment to parity? I’m not sure it takes a lot of line to plumb the depths of Tom Jackson’s or Sterling Sharpe’s minds but I really, does anyone know what those guys are thinking?

The First Quarto

For entertainment purposes only…

Small Epiphanies

We crave meaning. Our brains take in images through the optic nerve of and upside down world and turns them right-side up. We will take in the abjectly absurd and neatly rationalize it, creating a narrative with plot, action and character.

We want to know the ending.

Oh, you won’t tell?

Well, we’re happy to guess.

No Time for Tiddlywinks

Does everything regress to the mean?

Less Expectations

After Week 1, it was clear the San Francisco 49ers and Denver Broncos were destined to meet in the Super Bowl, where the Niners would once again frustrate Peyton Manning on the game’s greatest stage. That was before San Fran ran face first into the clenched fist that is the Seattle Seahawks defense in Week 2. Clearly, the Seahawks are the real deal for big game XLVIII. Manning will still fail to secure his unquestioned status as the greatest QB of all time while now it looks like Kap will watch this one from the couch while Russell Wilson chills with Bruno Mars at the after party.

Wes Welker's Boyfriends

If there was one player who could fix what ails the Patriots, it wouldn’t be Wes Welker. I’m not sure any single player would be enough but don’t worry, I’m almost done with the time machine; I’ll be right back with in their primes Jim Brown, Deacon Jones, John Hannah and Jerry Rice.

That should do it.

It's Only Week 2

It’s only week two. Every team is going to lose at least a couple of games (except under the rarest of circumstances). Big deal, right? Except when they’re the first two games of the season. Starting the year 0-2-0 is a statistical death sentence. Which is certainly not as bad as an actual death sentence.

Your team missing the playoffs is still an undeniable bummer.

Upright and Locked

I’ve got a bad feeling about this one.

Broken Bones

It looks like we’ll have to put the Shane Vereen era on hold for a few weeks.  Does this mean Shane Vereen is fragile, too?

It Counts as a W

As they lined up for what would be the winning field goal, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘They’ve got a new holder.’ After everything that had gone wrong, after all the mistakes that had already been made, missing a 35-yard game-winning field goal attempt just seemed to write itself.

Then it didn’t and Tom Brady had led the 36^th fourth quarter comeback of his HOF career.

Viva Las Vegas

I get it if you don’t have any sympathy for me on this. I’m rooting for the Patriots, after all. With Brady under center, there’s a nearly four in five chance New England will take the W. And the Patriots have nine straight openers. The last time they lost a Week 1 game? 2003. In Buffalo.

Hurt

Jim Harbaugh made the classic mistake generally associated with lawyers: Never ask a question unless you know you’re going to get the answer you want. Harbaugh probably should’ve shrugged off Clay Matthews’ chirping. Defensive players like to hit quarterbacks. Whether they’re dropping back, rolling out or running the read-option, defensive players will try their best to hit the quarterback. So, Clay Matthews said out loud what anyone who’s seen the read-option knows; you’ve got to put a hat on that QB. Jim Harbaugh harrumphed and The League responded; if a quarterback is running the football, they’ll be treated like running backs, not like quarterbacks standing in the pocket where they have little chance to protect themselves from shots to the knees or head.

Seven

The only thing that looked better than the Broncos' passing game last night were the Broncos' cheerleaders. And not by much. Peyton Manning is now on pace to throw 112 TD passes this season.

Learning to Walk Again

It seems like forever since there’s been football, doesn’t it? 

Kinger

Okay, I know I’ve been down this road before but there’s just something about Peter King, isn’t there?

Lights, Camera, Conspiracy

The fact that Ray Lewis has said something Joe Flacco probably doesn’t understand is hardly news but hey, who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory?

Moving and Shaking

All the haters who were worried about Tim Tebow taking up a valuable roster spot that could’ve been used on another player who – though unlikely to contribute from roster spot #53 – might have upside, must be scratching their heads today as the New England roster sits at 51.

Some Dreams Come True

Working for an insurance company, I rarely hear, “This was always my dream, to be a middle manager for a major insurance company.” On the other hand, that’s the kind of dream you can shrug off when you wind up a line cook at Olive Garden. When your childhood dream was to play football in the NFL, it can’t be easy seeing your name on the waiver wire.

Can you cook?

Lightly Toasted Schadenfreude for Sunday Brunch

I almost feel sorry for the Jets and their fans. Almost.

Signs and Misdemeanors

Meaningless game? Check. No season-ending injuries? Check. Losing 40-3 and not caring? Check.

Reality

It kinda blows sometimes. 

Of Brains And ACLs

Miami Dolphins TE Dustin Keller suffered the dreaded season-ending injury in a meaningless preseason game. His knee was blown to pieces by a low hit delivered by Houston Texans DB D.J. Swearinger. Swearinger took to social media, saying he bore no ill intent toward Keller but he was afraid of being fined for going high so he went low. This has generated a blognado (I’d say a Category 2, maybe 3 tops) of posts and comments and shown up on various video outlets. I watched the ESPN MNF crew (I think it was Tirico, Boomer, Ditka, Keyshawn, Cris Carter and Tom Jackson) debate the high/low hit conundrum before the Pittsburgh-Washington preseason tilt. They actually debated the relative impact of a blown ACL vs. a concussion. Sort of a variation on the old face or gut question. I suppose I should be unsurprised they all chose concussions. Have they forgotten Junior Seau so soon? They also seemed as unfamiliar with human anatomy as Swearinger. We still have torsos, don’t we?

Roster Rumblings

Roster projections are fun for armchair GM’s like me. Something of a fool’s errand if you’re trying to accurately predict what Bill Belichick is going to do. Sounds so like me. The only errands worth running are the fool's errands

Perfect Tommy

It’s become one of the locker room clichés of the Belichick era in New England. Regardless of the question asked, a Patriots’ player is likely to answer, “I’m just trying to get better…” Watching New England's second preseason game, I couldn’t help but wonder; has Tom Brady actually gotten better? I don’t mean better than 2001. I mean better than 2007; better than his unanimous MVP season of 2010. I’m not saying he’ll throw 51+ TD passes and no more than 3 INT in 2013 (though that would be crazy delicious). How about another cliché? There’s more to playing the position than numbers.

The Ballad of Tom Brady's Knee

I drove to work listening to Gerry Callahan on WEEI hating on Tim Tebow. I drove home listening to the multi-personality disorder that is New England sports fandom as the callers came not to praise Tom Brady but to bury him.

Ridin' Dirty

So, I initially blew off the reports of bullying and dirty play directed at the Patriots by Eagles’ CB Cary Williams. Haters gonna hate, crybabies gonna cry. It just read like the usual bullshit rationalization that losers always make. Then I realized I hoped it was true.

Rush to Judgment

It was just a preseason game which equals meaningless. Or does it?

The Welker Referendum

Do we ever grow up? Life is like sixty years of high school. In the SI article on the Broncos being the Greatest Team Ever because Peyton Manning is the Bestest Quarterback Since God Created the Heavens and Earth, Wes Welker let his inner child out to pout. Bill Belichick was mean to Wes Welker. Apparently, he’s mean to just about everyone but I guess in Welker’s case it was personal or something. Anyway, the local media has gone berserker. It picks the Lawyer Malloy scab, the Ty Law scab, the Willie McGinest scab, the Asante Samuel scab, the Richard Seymour scab; it reminds the Pigskin Pundits and Bobbleheads that Belichick is mean to them, too.

I'm Not Over It

I know I said I was over the whole Brady vs. Manning thing but clearly I’m not.

I Heard Once That Defense Has Something To Do With Winning Something

You hear people refer to it as “multi” these days but what they’re really talking about is balance. Offense and defense. Passing and running. Stopping the pass and stopping the run. The Patriots have been a team that needed to outscore its opponents since 2007. Scoring 34 points a game will make that seem like an okay strategy until that one junk punch Sunday when you score 17.

It’s so, so easy to forget those 34 points was an average, not a guarantee.

Out of Your League

Every so often I’m reminded there are 31 other teams in the NFL. Usually on the days like today when the Patriots take a day off.

Look to the East

Are the Patriots vulnerable? Well, yes, of course. Who isn’t? Aside from Wolverine, of course.

It Starts To Get Real

First practice in pads. First preseason game in two weeks. Yeah, I’m ready.

What Did Bill Belichick Know and When Did He Know It?

Bill Belichick has spoken. You good?

Going Deep

I just saw Jaws slot Brady as the 3^rd best QB in the NFL on ESPN. I’m good with it. I’m tired of the Manning vs. Brady debate and Aaron Rodgers is younger, thinner and blonder. Anyway, the highlights avoided any mention of Hernandez, of course. We saw a Gronkowski catch (yes!) and that sweet go route by Vereen against the Texans in the playoffs but it was Brandon Lloyd who was the surprising star of the highlight real, making a diving catch for a TD and loping wide open into the end zone on play action. Watching some of the catches Lloyd made in 2012 I couldn’t help wondering, what is the deal with Brandon Lloyd?

Opportunity Knocks Hard

Opportunity will straight up knock you out.

Keeping the Faith

How about them Red Sox? In the wake of one the worst weeks in Boston sports history we are left with little that’s good other than the team everyone thought would finish in the basement of the AL East with the best record in all of the American League as we head into July and the All Star break. The Bruins fell short in game six and watched the Blackhawks hoist the cup on the TD Garden ice. I was one of those who thought the Celtics should’ve blown things up last year but it was still shocking to see Pierce and KG sent to the Brooklyn Nets for spare parts. All of that would’ve been bad enough and yet it wasn’t as we watched Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez arrested for murder.

There’s a silver lining here somewhere, isn’t there?

Trust Me

It’s hard for me to see Edward Snowden as a hero. I don’t remember Daniel Ellsberg making a run for it. I understand Henry David Thoreau spent a night in jail for his beliefs. If Edward Snowden believes he’s done the right thing, why run away from it?

Suddenly Gronk's Back Doesn't Seem Like Such a Big Deal

Yeah, this sucks.

But Tell Me, How Do You Really Feel?

The Patriots signing Tim Tebow was an act of desperate arrogance. Or was it arrogant desperation?

In case you forgot (yeah, that’s right) haters gonna hate.

I think it’s good everyone has decided to take a wait and see approach.

I’m glad everyone is willing to give a future HOF coach the benefit of the doubt.

And they said there would be a media circus.

Tim the Enchanter

At times like this, it’s easy to get ahead of yourself. I’ve already pictured the Patriots crushing the Jets in the Meadowlands with Tim Tebow scoring three touchdowns as Rex Ryan can only stand helplessly by, the boos swelling up, filling the stadium and spilling out over the swamps of Jersey. I really should wait to see if Tebow makes the final 53 man roster before indulging in such fantasies.

To Know Me is to Ask, Did I Leave the Oven On?

The government is collecting data about all of us across any and all digital channels. If there’s a transaction log, Uncle Sam has a copy of it. Sounds sinister, fascist, paranoid and ominous. Let me assure you, most of the IT projects supporting these ominously sinister, fascist and paranoid petabytes of data are behind schedule and over budget. While we can safely rest assured the government will be firing all the contractors, replacing the current technology framework three years from now and have to start the project over from the ground up, we should be chilled by the fact this also means they’re unlikely to satisfy their stated purpose, which is to make us safe from terrorist attack.

Since the government knows my secrets, I guess everyone can know…

Net Present Value

This is shaping up as one of those drafts that could look really, really bad three years from now, depending on some admittedly unpredictable variables. It could also look pretty good.

Shiny Pennies

Squirrel!

April is the Cruelest Month After All

Where am I? Who am I? (I know. A bit early in the series’ timeline to be going to the amnesia well. Amnesia and traumatic blindness along with that episode set in the 30s is generally something you save for season 4 or 5 when you’re out of ideas and what you’d really like to do is end the main characters’ narratives in a hail of bullets or meteors or thousands of shards of broken glass, whichever makes the most sense in the context of the show’s basic premise. Still. I’m going there.) Sorry I haven’t written lately. I had amnesia. Sadly, I am now cured. I say sadly because when I had amnesia there was a chance I was a total badass. Statistically, you have to figure total badasses stand a much better chance of getting conked on the head than a middle manager working in the IT department of a major insurance company. Conk on the head being one of the leading causes of amnesia and all. So, not a badass as it turns out. Thanks for asking…

QB QB Dooo

The Dallas Cowboys filled a dump truck with cash and backed it up to Tony Romo’s front door. I know $108,000,000 may seem like a lot of money but don’t you think he would’ve gotten more if he’d hit free agency from the Arizona Cardinals or how about the Minnesota Vikings? Besides, when Aaron Rodgers signs his big extension Romo’s deal will look like more than fair market value.

Market Value

By the time you read this (something to do with temporal physics, the optic nerve and my chronic writer’s block), Ed Reed will be a Texan and Brian Urlacher will be a Bengal (I threw a dart). Wherever Urlacher winds up, like Reed, he will no longer be synonymous. The hardest thing about being the face of the franchise is when they take your face down off the billboard.

Look to the East

With a couple of high profile free agents taking their talents to South Beach, the inevitable question follows. Will Miami challenge New England for the AFC East in 2013?

A Sip of Kool-Aid

As a wise one hit wonder once opined, every new beginning comes from some otherbeginning’s end. We’re going to see a different offense from the Patriots next year and – fingers crossed – an improved defense. I’ve got a nice tall icy cold glass of Kool-Aid sitting right here in front of me. I also added a shot of vodka to it. You know. Just in case.

Everything Ends Badly

I get it. It’s a big deal. It hurts. But the Ravens wouldn’t pay Anquan Boldin $6m, either.

I’m just, you know, saying…

Already Gone

We couldn’t have loved him better.

 

Stay Classy Haters

By now I’m sure you’ve heard that Terrell Suggs has it on good authority that all the other sisters in the sorority hate Tom Brady. That’s right. All of them.

There's no I in Brady

Is he perfect? Yes. He is.

Oscar Dark Thirty

“Zero Dark Thirty” is a great movie. It’s a subjective claim and a personal judgment as is this: It’s an important movie, a movie about the soul of America, who we think we are and who we really are.

Hit List

What were the best songs of 2012? No, stop, I wasn't really asking for your opinion. This is my blog and it’s my list. It was a rhetorical question. A literary artifice, if you will. You won't? Okay. Sorry for the confusion. Anyway, I spend a fair amount of time listening to classic rock while driving to and from work but I will resist the impulse to include Rick Springfield’s “Jesse’s Girl” on…
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The Circle of Pigskin Life

Okay, 2012 is in the rear view. It’s time to start talking about 2013 and another roller coaster scary trip to the playoffs. It’s time for wishes and fishes.

 

Pistol Packin' Jesus

Arkansas is about to join a select group of states which has specifically approved the right of citizens to carry concealed weapons in a place of worship. I’m guessing (hoping) we’re talking about hand guns here (and not Mac-10’s or sawed-off shotguns though these could certainly be concealed, given the right body type).

How Far is Soon?

How far have the radio waves from the Apollo moon landing traveled? How long before they reach a place in the universe where sentient life forms are a better than even chance? And how long after that before those sentient life forms build a spaceship with warp drive and travel the intergalactic distances necessary to make this world their own? We've got some time before that goes down, don’t we?

Football Hurts Sometimes

Well. That kind of sucked.

Football! You're dead to me!

For now.

Game Day Rationalizations

I’ve spent the whole week listening to pigskin pundits and bobbleheads comparing Joe Flacco’s mighty right arm to Thor’s Hammer. The Ravens aren’t afraid to play in Foxborough. Torrey Smith is so fast he occasionally disappears from radar. Ray Lewis is on a mission from God. So, yeah, I’m nervous.

How the hell are the Patriots 9 point favorites in this game?

Penultimate Pigskins

Nothing is really a surprise in the conference championship games. Would I call any outcome this Sunday an upset? I guess I’d go with statistically improbable if I was splitting semantic hairs. And apparently I am.

Pigskin Roller Coaster

The pigskin roller coaster. For some the ride is already over. Perhaps they’re the lucky ones. Peyton and Rodgers, RG III and Russell Wilson. Thanks for playing. The stakes and the existential angst rise with each round of the playoffs. Playing for the conference championship is far, far better than going 7-9-0. We know this. It is the pigskin truth. And yet it’s going to suck wicked bad for half the NFL’s core audience this coming Sunday. Somebody’s going to emergency, somebody’s going to jail. And somebody is losing a football game.

Legacy Schmegacy

I’ve been trying to imagine what it must’ve been like for the tens of thousands of Broncos fans who sat through sub-zero wind chills only to drive home knowing their football season was over. Before Saturday, I would guess most pigskin pundits and bobbleheads – and most fans – had ceded the AFC spot in the Super Bowl to Denver. Home field, eleven game winning streak, Top 5 defense, Top 5 offense and Peyton Manning playing like it’s 2009. The AFC Championship was scripted for Peyton to face Tom Brady one more time in a game certain to coronate Manning and his Comeback/MVP Season. The Patriots would present a worthy challenge, but that relentless defense, Manning, home field and high altitude would carry the day.

Super Bowl XLVII.

Right there.

Gone.

Target Practice

Does America love guns more than it loves its children? We’re about to find out.

Karma Has a Really Weird Sense of Humor

The agitprop of Saturday’s Ravens-Broncos game should provide a final reminder to the Patriots that nothing is written. Maybe they really meant everything they said about the Texans and the playoffs but now they have the evidence that it’s real. Really real.

You saw what happened to Denver!

Sunday morning, pigskin pundits and bobbleheads will certainly be deconstructing what Colin Kaepernick’s record-setting performance in dispatching Aaron Rodgers and the Packers means to the future of the quarterback position (we’re all just waiting for his knee injury, aren’t we?) and they will also be dissecting the choke job by Peyton Manning and the #1 seeded Denver Broncos.

And that will be fun – but not too much fun. After all, the Patriots still have to play the Texans and you saw what happened to the Broncos, didn’t you?

 

Never spike the ball early.

 

Life is a Series of Bad Decisions

It’s hard not to judge. Our brains rationalize input from the five senses, giving us the ability to swerve and miss that tree. We’re built to judge. Is this delicious? Will that fit in my pocket? That was a tree, wasn’t it? Is Mike Shanahan an idiot? Mike Shanahan is an idiot.

Every New Beginning

Sometimes things just work out. Sometimes they don’t, especially if Tony Romo is involved.

The Giants won but it didn’t matter because the Bears won but that didn’t matter either because the Vikings won. I think. I lost track of the various tiebreakers/win-and-they’re-in scenarios as the 1:00pm games were ending. Could have been the vodka, I suppose. Anyway, the brackets are set and if everything goes to form we’ll get Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. And yes, that sound you just heard was Jim Nantz’s and Phil Simms’s pants exploding.