Waiting for the Inevitable

According to the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, this is the week the Patriots will finally be exposed as the pigskin pretenders they are. Truth be told, they seem annoyed by the Patriots 3-0-0 record. Have they grown weary of waiting for Brady’s skills to diminish? For Belichick to retire? For the Patriots to finally yield to the inevitabilities of the NFL’s relentless commitment to parity? I’m not sure it takes a lot of line to plumb the depths of Tom Jackson’s or Sterling Sharpe’s minds but I really, does anyone know what those guys are thinking?

The First Quarto

For entertainment purposes only…

Small Epiphanies

We crave meaning. Our brains take in images through the optic nerve of and upside down world and turns them right-side up. We will take in the abjectly absurd and neatly rationalize it, creating a narrative with plot, action and character.

We want to know the ending.

Oh, you won’t tell?

Well, we’re happy to guess.

No Time for Tiddlywinks

Does everything regress to the mean?

Less Expectations

After Week 1, it was clear the San Francisco 49ers and Denver Broncos were destined to meet in the Super Bowl, where the Niners would once again frustrate Peyton Manning on the game’s greatest stage. That was before San Fran ran face first into the clenched fist that is the Seattle Seahawks defense in Week 2. Clearly, the Seahawks are the real deal for big game XLVIII. Manning will still fail to secure his unquestioned status as the greatest QB of all time while now it looks like Kap will watch this one from the couch while Russell Wilson chills with Bruno Mars at the after party.

Wes Welker's Boyfriends

If there was one player who could fix what ails the Patriots, it wouldn’t be Wes Welker. I’m not sure any single player would be enough but don’t worry, I’m almost done with the time machine; I’ll be right back with in their primes Jim Brown, Deacon Jones, John Hannah and Jerry Rice.

That should do it.

It's Only Week 2

It’s only week two. Every team is going to lose at least a couple of games (except under the rarest of circumstances). Big deal, right? Except when they’re the first two games of the season. Starting the year 0-2-0 is a statistical death sentence. Which is certainly not as bad as an actual death sentence.

Your team missing the playoffs is still an undeniable bummer.

Upright and Locked

I’ve got a bad feeling about this one.

Broken Bones

It looks like we’ll have to put the Shane Vereen era on hold for a few weeks.  Does this mean Shane Vereen is fragile, too?

It Counts as a W

As they lined up for what would be the winning field goal, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘They’ve got a new holder.’ After everything that had gone wrong, after all the mistakes that had already been made, missing a 35-yard game-winning field goal attempt just seemed to write itself.

Then it didn’t and Tom Brady had led the 36^th fourth quarter comeback of his HOF career.

Viva Las Vegas

I get it if you don’t have any sympathy for me on this. I’m rooting for the Patriots, after all. With Brady under center, there’s a nearly four in five chance New England will take the W. And the Patriots have nine straight openers. The last time they lost a Week 1 game? 2003. In Buffalo.

Hurt

Jim Harbaugh made the classic mistake generally associated with lawyers: Never ask a question unless you know you’re going to get the answer you want. Harbaugh probably should’ve shrugged off Clay Matthews’ chirping. Defensive players like to hit quarterbacks. Whether they’re dropping back, rolling out or running the read-option, defensive players will try their best to hit the quarterback. So, Clay Matthews said out loud what anyone who’s seen the read-option knows; you’ve got to put a hat on that QB. Jim Harbaugh harrumphed and The League responded; if a quarterback is running the football, they’ll be treated like running backs, not like quarterbacks standing in the pocket where they have little chance to protect themselves from shots to the knees or head.

Seven

The only thing that looked better than the Broncos' passing game last night were the Broncos' cheerleaders. And not by much. Peyton Manning is now on pace to throw 112 TD passes this season.

Learning to Walk Again

It seems like forever since there’s been football, doesn’t it? 

Kinger

Okay, I know I’ve been down this road before but there’s just something about Peter King, isn’t there?

Lights, Camera, Conspiracy

The fact that Ray Lewis has said something Joe Flacco probably doesn’t understand is hardly news but hey, who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory?

Moving and Shaking

All the haters who were worried about Tim Tebow taking up a valuable roster spot that could’ve been used on another player who – though unlikely to contribute from roster spot #53 – might have upside, must be scratching their heads today as the New England roster sits at 51.