Don't Cry for Me, Carolina

I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just move on.

Okay, I’ll say this one thing. I’m not suggesting that rules be broken just for the sake of entertainment or profit but the NFL had a chance Monday night to blow up the Twitterverse, dominate SportsCenter’s Tuesday morning and generate millions of words on the sports blogs of the world about nothing but the NFL. 1^st and Goal at the one-yard line. No time on the clock. Tom Brady and the Patriots’ offense against the best scoring defense in the NFL. One play. Winner take all. And they said no. How does that work?

  

New Orleans 42, Atlanta 13 – This is one of those “It looked like a great game when the schedule came out” kind of games. Now it looks like a game that should come with a parental warning. You’ve got to figure Atlanta players aren’t playing for pride so much as to avoid a career-ending injury at this point.

Pittsburgh 27, Cleveland 24 – Both of these teams now seem to be regressing to the mean. That is not good news for the Browns.

Tampa Bay 28, Detroit 37 – I really don’t know what to make of the Lions. They’re idiots, right?

Minnesota 13, Green Bay 20 – Yeah, I’m rolling with Scott Tolzien because Christian Ponder is just that bad.

San Diego 9, Kansas City 20 – Remember that crazy moment early in the season when we thought the Chargers might be, well, not good exactly but better than we all expected? I begin to believe it isn’t the Chargers who’ve changed at all, merely our expectations. We didn’t have any expectations early in the season so naturally they exceeded them. Their 4-3-0 amazed us. People were forced to look up the last time the Chargers were over .500. Now? Not so much. Meanwhile, Kansas City’s defense is looking for a face to punch after the loss in Denver. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Philip Rivers.

Chicago 20, St. Louis 21 – I’m taking the home team. I like Josh McCown over Kellen Clemens but I wouldn’t want to live on the difference. So, home team gets the nod.

Carolina 30, Miami 10 – Take it from someone who saw them up close; the Panthers are good. I suppose there’s a risk of a letdown following the big win over the Patriots but I just don’t see that happening. They’re having too much fun to stop now. As for the Dolphins, why haven’t they cut Richie Incognito yet? More importantly, when do the civil suits get filed?

NY Jets 17, Baltimore 24 – Ray Rice finally looks healthy (25 for 131 in the OT loss to the Bears). Good thing, because Joe Flacco is looking like Mr. Jimmy. I know; this is the week the Jets are scheduled to win. But this is a must win game for the Ravens and they’re playing at home. The Ravens need the win to stay alive for the playoffs and Joe Flacco needs to play well in front of the home folks. They will boo him if he sucks and I think that would really hurt his feelings.

Jacksonville 16, Houston 17 – This game has been blacked out, right? To protect the public.

Tennessee 13, Oakland 24 – How many fantasy football teams are starting Matt McGloin this week? How many are starting Ryan Fitzpatrick? Given the choice you’re starting McGloin, aren’t you? That’s sort of a story, isn’t it? Undrafted rookie making his second start and given the choice I’m taking a Penn State QB. This makes no sense to me. What if the Raiders should win out with McGloin at QB? That would be crazy good fun. Well, it would be crazy.

Indianapolis 31, Arizona 27 – I would definitely not bet on this game if I were you. It could go any of a hundred different ways. Okay, not a hundred ways perhaps but it could definitely go either way. I just can’t bring myself to count on Carson Palmer, even with Larry Fitzgerald catching his passes. I’m sure he’s a nice person. As for the Colts, is playing for something as abstract as the #2 seed (and a bye week) something you can use for that extra motivational edge that makes all the difference in close games? Probably not but there’s always Carson Palmer.

Dallas 27, NY Giants 31 – This game is the very definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everyone expects the Cowboys to lose this game in some self-inflicted “always funny when it involves someone else” fashion and everyone expects the Giants to win this game in one of those “all three phases of the game” type of efforts. I almost hate myself for saying this but I kind of feel sorry for Tony Romo. He’s surrounded by knuckleheads, Dez Bryant is his life coach, and who told him he looks good in that newsboy cap?

Denver 51, New England 34 – I generally don’t pick against my home boys but with the prospect of a Julian Edelman sighting at defensive back this week it just looks like one of those wrong place/wrong time games for the Patriots. I expect we’ll see more positive signs for the New England offense but there are simply too many injuries on defense to stop Peyton “Peg Leg” Manning. As an X factor, there is the long-term weather forecast predicting temps in the 20s at kick-off. On the other hand, based on recent events it does appear that God hates the Patriots so relying on the weather may not be the best way to go.

San Francisco 20, Washington 17 – As noted above, “when the schedule was released,” Kaepernick vs. RG III looked like must see TV. Speaking of which, is there a new episode of “Sleepy Hollow” on this Monday?