The Ballad of Tom Brady's Knee

I drove to work listening to Gerry Callahan on WEEI hating on Tim Tebow. I drove home listening to the multi-personality disorder that is New England sports fandom as the callers came not to praise Tom Brady but to bury him.

 

So, it was a little hectic there for a while. Tom Brady’s left knee even had its own Zapruder Film. At one point, a helicopter was spotted at Gillette leading to speculation that Brady would be airlifted to Mass General for an emergency kneedectomy. It was the kind of thing that made you shake your head and chuckle, then think, but wait, what if… I mean, haven’t ACL injuries been occurring at epidemic levels in training camp this year?

Oh. My. God.

Flashbacks to 2008. 

Yes, I remember exactly what I was doing when it happened. I mean, of course I was watching the game but I remember my leather chair was over by the fireplace where the couch is now. I remember the light in the room; that golden luminescence immediately recognizable as late summer in New England. It’s an orthogonal memory, a moment from a Tim Burton movie, shot through a fish-eye lens. Spiders with clown heads fighting psycho-killer alien robots from Mars in my living room, spilling my martini and scattering magazines all over the floor.

I don’t like going back to that place, but there I was for a few hours this afternoon. Life without Tom Brady (if you can call that living). By the time supper was done, there reports that Tom was alive! I mean, there were reports the MRI was negative. Brady was “day to day” and might even practice Thursday. Phew!

As somebody smart said, comedy is tragedy plus time. Since this was a relative non-tragedy, I don’t think it’s too soon to recount a few of my favorite moments from Tom’s wake on WEEI…

I liked the guy who thought this was a perfect opportunity to do what the Colts did when they Sucked for Luck thereby guaranteeing the Patriots would have the #1 Pick in 2014.

So easy to forget the Jacksonville Jaguars. Belichick could win more games than the Jacksonville Jaguars with Peter Dinklage at QB. Also easy to forget the Patriots picked Tom Brady in the 6^th round. Yes, I realize it’s a much better strategy to stockpile first round picks but the #1 pick doesn’t guarantee success, either. More importantly, Tom Brady’s knee wasn’t even cold in its grave and you're already checking out younger, thinner, blonder knees!

I liked the guy who seemed to think that we could plug in Matt Cassel and roll to another 11-4-0 season (no problem!) but I wasn’t sure if he meant the actual Matt Cassel or the metaphoric Matt Cassel. Maybe he couldn’t remember Ryan Mallet’s name?  Look, do I think Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels could get the 2013 Patriots to the playoffs with a platoon of Mallet and Tim Tebow?

Yeah, I do.

But I sure hope he doesn’t have to.