Pistol Packin' Jesus

Arkansas is about to join a select group of states which has specifically approved the right of citizens to carry concealed weapons in a place of worship. I’m guessing (hoping) we’re talking about hand guns here (and not Mac-10’s or sawed-off shotguns though these could certainly be concealed, given the right body type).

Hand guns only satisfy two use cases.

1) Kill someone.

2) Stop someone who is trying to kill you.

I know budget meetings can get contentious, no matter what the organizational structure or mission statement, but even during budget meetings, should either of the above scenarios be a problem in a church?

Why are people carrying concealed weapons into the 10:30am service?

Am I the only one who finds concealed weapons in a church extraordinary?

There’s a problem here, isn’t there?

I mean, whatever happened to “Check your guns at the door?”

I’ve never been able to square the circle when it comes to our twin obsessions with God and guns here in the United States. How can you say you’re cool with Jesus and carry a Glock?

No, don’t answer.

There’s nothing you could say that would dispel my befuddlement. These things do not go together. They should not be able to occupy the same space-time coordinates. I look at the reality before me and I think I must’ve slipped into a parallel universe. I’m disoriented, an autistic Dorothy in a bleak, dystopian Oz. Perhaps I ate some of the brown acid.

How many guns can you reasonably conceal? Four? (Two shoulder holsters and one on each ankle.) More? When does it start to get bulky and bulgy? Still, you’ve got to try to outgun your opponents, don’t you? (Six. Add two derringers, one on each wrist.) Outknive them, too. Throwing weapons like six inch blades and Chinese throwing stars could easily be concealed. I’m going to guess that someone who knows what they’re doing could take out three, maybe four adversaries before needing to pull a piece.

Did I say adversaries? I meant to say, fellow parishioners.