Spiders

The Internet is a magical place where you can be looking for one thing when you stumble on to a video of a chicken killing and eating a spider.

Best. Spider. Movie. Ever.

Thinly Veiled

A figure that looked like Jimmy Edison stood on a small ridge of wind-blown sand near an untended hedge of rosa rugosa. It was high tide and the crashing of the surf sounded like laughter, like the ocean and the sky and the world was chuckling, snickering, guffawing at some cruel but irresistible joke. Jimmy Edison's partially eaten dead body lay face down in the wet sand just a few feet away with two local police officers crouched over it. 

Shrodinger's Football

 The NFL. 

It's just like us. 

We've got guns. We get shot by guns. Uncle Carl is gay. That guy who got the job we wanted? Yeah. That guy. "Motherf--ker."

Fear of Drowning

I share one thing with the Hollywood outlaw, The Sundance Kid. I can't swim.

No, wait. Two things. If they made a movie of my life I'd be played by whoever the young Robert Redford is today. Brad Pitt?

Okay, okay. I share one thing with The Sundance Kid. 

Perchance to Dream

After a long night of tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable, can't stop thinking about that thing you said (or did), and finally falling asleep just before the alarm went off, the last thing you want to see when you open up your browser that morning is a link that seems just a little too spot on:

Poor sleep linked to dementia and early death, study finds.

Like I needed scientists to tell me this.

Pigskin Slut

I am a pigskin slut. Still a Patriots' fan, yes, but I just can't quit Tom Brady.

Maddening

Can anything stop Tom Brady? 

How about a good old fashioned curse?

Mortal Manners

Observation: Never make an apology at a funeral.

Best Actor in a Quarterbacking Role

The NFL is like the most successful movie franchise in the history of everything. Every year, another sequel, another box office smash, followed by another sequel the next year. There's conflict, back story, subplots, adversity, and triumph. Not everybody likes the ending but they have hope - even in Detroit - their heroes may be featured in the final frames of next season's Best Picture winner. There are plenty of opportunities for star turns in supporting roles but let's state the obvious: The quarterbacks are the leads, the nominees for Best Actor, and the focus of our vicarious, sepia-toned dreams. 

Star Power

 Will Aaron Rodgers play another snap for the Green Bay Packers?

I hope not.

I get that it's professional football. It's a job like any other that pays you in millions, and you don't have to love something just because you do it well, but…

Seriously dude; why are you playing football?

Cryptic

I'm reminded that Sir Isaac Newton wasn't knighted for his many contributions to science and apple picking; he became Sir Isaac because of his work standardizing Great Britain's currency.

Money. We've always thought it was more important than gravity. Or math. Or the universe.

How many bitcoin in a shilling? Or is that how many shillings in a bitcoin?

Strangers

Did some people have mothers who didn't tell them, "Don't talk to strangers?"

Monster Lovers

I feel like I'm a little bit late to this party - it seems so obvious now - but have you noticed how in every monster movie ever made there's always one character (more often than not the mad scientist to blame for whatever it was that happened in Act 1) who wants to save the monster? They want to stop the shrinking number of humans involved in the narrative from killing it, figure out some way to communicate with it, study it, reanimate the flesh of a dead woman to provide the monster with a mate, maybe move it to a small farm in upstate Vermont.

I'm more of a nuke the site from orbit kind of guy.

Past as Polaroid

Science has developed technology that will allow human beings to see 11 billion years into the past.

Crazy Real

Crazy is its own reality.

We Always Need the Rain

Drunk with the storm

The trees

Full of green

Bend and sway in the wind

As if choreographed by Twyla Tharp

Soft then sharp

The leaves make jazz hands

Connected then separate then connected

Partners then soloists then partners again

Birds take shelter

Puffed out balls of feathers 

In the broken flower pots

That sit in the corner of the back porch

The birdfeeder is empty

Rain water rattles through the gutters

Unheard by the sullen birds

A voice says, "We need the rain"

We always need the rain

It gives the trees a chance to dance