It's Only Week 2

It’s only week two. Every team is going to lose at least a couple of games (except under the rarest of circumstances). Big deal, right? Except when they’re the first two games of the season. Starting the year 0-2-0 is a statistical death sentence. Which is certainly not as bad as an actual death sentence.

Your team missing the playoffs is still an undeniable bummer.

 

Note: The Thursday game between the Jets and Patriots was called in Upright and Locked.

St. Louis 27, Atlanta 42 – The Rams did well to beat the Cardinals but, well, they beat the Cardinals. Jared Cook will no doubt torture the Falcons’ secondary but the Falcons will be looking to prove that a close loss to the Saints in the Big Easy is nothing to hang your head about. Losing at home to the Rams on the other hand would be hard to ignore.

Carolina 17, Buffalo 31 – 35 other teams had a lead on Tom Brady and lost before the Bills added their names to the list last Sunday. Despite taking the loss, Buffalo did some good things; they played hard and they played tough. I think they will be highly motivated to validate that effort and this time take the win.

I’m obviously counting on them not turning the ball over 3 times, committing boneheaded penalties at the worst possible time and failing to convert just one more 3^rd down in the second half.

Perhaps more importantly, the Panthers seriously should’ve fired Ron Rivera. Seriously. They will, of course, but it will be too late. I mean, it’s too late already.

Minnesota 13, Chicago 27 – What’s the over/under on Matt Cassel’s first start? Week 4? Not that it will matter. The Vikings have gotten 4-12-0 written all over them.

Washington 30, Green Bay 37 – RG III didn’t look 100% last Monday night, it’s a short week and they’re visiting the not yet frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

Miami 16, Indianapolis 24 – Breaking up so soon? After last week’s win, Mike “Team First” Wallace had a snit after his usual dismal performance against Joe Haden. Why asked why his smile was upside down, Wallace encouraged reporters to contact the coaching staff. Later, he explained that he was merely projecting his feelings of shame and disappointment onto the coaching staff. Of course! The fact that you made it all about yourself because you were upset that you didn’t contribute 100% of your awesomeness to your team’s victory (Hello! Everyone else is happy!), instead of making it all about you because you’re a selfish dick makes it so much better!

Who needs a hug?

Also, I like Andrew Luck at home a lot more than I like Ryan Tannehill on the road.

Dallas 20, Kansas City 27 – Do we really know enough about these two teams to predict the winner here? The Cowboys finally beat the Giants in Jerry World (good) but they needed the G-Men to cough up the oblate spheroid six times in order to do it (not good). The Chiefs won big on the road (good) but that road led them to Jacksonville (not good). I’m taking the Chiefs here because I’m still counting on them to give the Broncos a run for the AFC West.

No, I do not believe in the Tooth Fairy.  

Cleveland 10, Baltimore 38 – The Ravens have had a long time to think about the rout in Denver. Hey, maybe Peyton Manning is that good.

Tennessee 27, Houston 28 –

San Diego 21, Philadelphia 41 – I think the way to stop Chip Kelly’s double shot cappuccino offense it to go crazy on defense; line up in a 2-5 or a 1-6 or do that “everyone stands up and mills around before the snap” thing. The Chargers don’t seem like the imaginative types. They seem the more tragical-comical types.

Detroit 24, Arizona 20 – If NFL teams took IQ tests don’t you think the Lions would have the lowest composite score? Okay, maybe the Raiders or the Buccaneers – they’d definitely fill out the bottom three. Anyway, I thought Carson Palmer’s luck would change in Arizona. Rereading that sentence I realize now just how crazy that sounds.

New Orleans 31, Tampa Bay 13 – Drew Brees > Josh Freeman.

Jacksonville 3, Oakland 27 – Hobo fight.

Denver 49, New York(g) 20 – Yep, seven more TD passes for Peyton, three more interceptions for Eli.

San Francisco 37, Seattle 35 – The preseason prognosticators who had the Broncos and the Niners in the Super Bowl have already set up a grille on the bandwagon. Care for a brat and a cold brew?

Are the 49ers peaking too soon?

Pittsburgh 9, Cincinnati 20 – Can you have a must win game in September? Yes, yes you can.