Football Hurts Sometimes

Well. That kind of sucked.

Football! You're dead to me!

For now.

Game Day Rationalizations

I’ve spent the whole week listening to pigskin pundits and bobbleheads comparing Joe Flacco’s mighty right arm to Thor’s Hammer. The Ravens aren’t afraid to play in Foxborough. Torrey Smith is so fast he occasionally disappears from radar. Ray Lewis is on a mission from God. So, yeah, I’m nervous.

How the hell are the Patriots 9 point favorites in this game?

Penultimate Pigskins

Nothing is really a surprise in the conference championship games. Would I call any outcome this Sunday an upset? I guess I’d go with statistically improbable if I was splitting semantic hairs. And apparently I am.

Pigskin Roller Coaster

The pigskin roller coaster. For some the ride is already over. Perhaps they’re the lucky ones. Peyton and Rodgers, RG III and Russell Wilson. Thanks for playing. The stakes and the existential angst rise with each round of the playoffs. Playing for the conference championship is far, far better than going 7-9-0. We know this. It is the pigskin truth. And yet it’s going to suck wicked bad for half the NFL’s core audience this coming Sunday. Somebody’s going to emergency, somebody’s going to jail. And somebody is losing a football game.

Legacy Schmegacy

I’ve been trying to imagine what it must’ve been like for the tens of thousands of Broncos fans who sat through sub-zero wind chills only to drive home knowing their football season was over. Before Saturday, I would guess most pigskin pundits and bobbleheads – and most fans – had ceded the AFC spot in the Super Bowl to Denver. Home field, eleven game winning streak, Top 5 defense, Top 5 offense and Peyton Manning playing like it’s 2009. The AFC Championship was scripted for Peyton to face Tom Brady one more time in a game certain to coronate Manning and his Comeback/MVP Season. The Patriots would present a worthy challenge, but that relentless defense, Manning, home field and high altitude would carry the day.

Super Bowl XLVII.

Right there.

Gone.

Target Practice

Does America love guns more than it loves its children? We’re about to find out.

Karma Has a Really Weird Sense of Humor

The agitprop of Saturday’s Ravens-Broncos game should provide a final reminder to the Patriots that nothing is written. Maybe they really meant everything they said about the Texans and the playoffs but now they have the evidence that it’s real. Really real.

You saw what happened to Denver!

Sunday morning, pigskin pundits and bobbleheads will certainly be deconstructing what Colin Kaepernick’s record-setting performance in dispatching Aaron Rodgers and the Packers means to the future of the quarterback position (we’re all just waiting for his knee injury, aren’t we?) and they will also be dissecting the choke job by Peyton Manning and the #1 seeded Denver Broncos.

And that will be fun – but not too much fun. After all, the Patriots still have to play the Texans and you saw what happened to the Broncos, didn’t you?

 

Never spike the ball early.

 

Life is a Series of Bad Decisions

It’s hard not to judge. Our brains rationalize input from the five senses, giving us the ability to swerve and miss that tree. We’re built to judge. Is this delicious? Will that fit in my pocket? That was a tree, wasn’t it? Is Mike Shanahan an idiot? Mike Shanahan is an idiot.

Every New Beginning

Sometimes things just work out. Sometimes they don’t, especially if Tony Romo is involved.

The Giants won but it didn’t matter because the Bears won but that didn’t matter either because the Vikings won. I think. I lost track of the various tiebreakers/win-and-they’re-in scenarios as the 1:00pm games were ending. Could have been the vodka, I suppose. Anyway, the brackets are set and if everything goes to form we’ll get Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. And yes, that sound you just heard was Jim Nantz’s and Phil Simms’s pants exploding.