Enjoy the Schadenfreude

This is for you, haters.

You’ll always have Spygate.

Credulity

Who you got?

Hoping and Wishing

It’s my understanding a football game will be played this coming Sunday.

How Can You Disappoint Me When I Don't Expect Anything Better

Bill Belichick’s impromptu press conference did little to move the needle amongst the gridiron cognoscenti but as a Patriots’ fan, it was good to see that Belichick wasn’t going to bite the pillow and take the screwing.

It’s clear the day after “the Patriots are Cheaters” narrative will not suffer a reversal due to facts or science. But I knew that.

You, too?

It’s clear the people who write for the internet are not reporters but professional snarks. But I knew that.

You, too?

It’s become increasingly clear that this is playing out exactly how the NFL wants it to.

You were thinking that, too?

Where can you turn today without finding the NFL? The story is on CNN, it’s on MSNBC, it’s the opening sketch on Saturday Night Live. There was a short segment on “Face the Nation” between stories about the collapse of Yemen, the growing threats to the Ukraine and the 2016 presidential election. You don’t think an enterprise as big and economically vibrant as the NFL needs free advertising? Any business that isn’t growing is going out of business. Moms aren’t letting their sons play football because of head trauma risks. The NFL, like any business, needs to grow profitably. It is a televised sport and needs ratings that will drive ad revenue. These are non-traditional channels for NFL news reaching non-traditional fans. Yes, of course, CNN, MSNBC, et al. was going to mention the Super Bowl. But to this extent? This now looks like it could be the most viewed Super Bowl ever and that ain’t nothing.

Back to Belichick.

Just about everything I’ve read from the national pigskin pundits and bobbleheads has mocked “Bill B. the Science Guy” while ignoring the content and the implications of his Saturday press conference.

The Content

Rubbing up the football adds 0.5 PSI. If a football is at 12.5 PSI after being rubbed up and that football is checked an hour later it would read 12.0 PSI. This process involves the excitation of air molecules, the existence of which is challenged by those who believe the earth is a flat disk carried on the back of a gigantic turtle. Take that same football outside with a drop in temperature those of us in New England often refer to as “wicked” and check that same football and it will lose 1.5 pounds of pressure to 10.5 PSI (because the air molecules huddle together for warmth). This process also involves air pressure and equilibrium and most Americans are probably wondering how a mood balancer for depression has anything to do with a football.

Belichick described his confidence in what the Patriots did as 100% and invited anyone (I think he was looking at you, Roger Goodell) to run the same process and perform the same tests if they doubted his numbers.

Then he dropped the mic. “I’m out!”

The Implications

If this was a trial – and it certainly has felt that way – then Bill Belichick just provided reasonable doubt.

That his press conference was not well received is understandable. Any competent investigative journalist could’ve done what Bill Belichick and the Patriots did. The League’s investigation could’ve walked through their own protocols for preparing game balls just like Bill Belichick and the Patriots did.

It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?

It’s easier to call Belichick’s presser “confusing” or “surreal” than to admit Belichick’s case is compelling. The big takeaway from the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads? Belichick is a “My Cousin Vinny” (or perhaps a Marisa Tomei) fan.

I would guess the NFL is pissed at Belichick for calling them out Saturday but then, it wasn’t like Belichick had any friends in the league office to begin with. They should be happy – perhaps relieved is a better word – that they actually have a way out of this mess. After a thorough investigation, no evidence of wrong-doing on the part of the Patriots has been found. Case closed. The League can revise the process for preparing game balls and they probably should if they believe that variations in football PSI impact the outcome of the games played.

For those of us who claim citizenship in Patriots Nation, Belichick’s presser was a game-changer. Bill reminded us once again that this is a pretty good football team that worked hard for everything they’ve accomplished and did so while following the rules of the game they play and love. Belichick reminded us all not to let anyone take this run for a 4^th Super Bowl away from us. Tom Brady is not a cheat and a liar. Nobody in the Patriots organization has done anything wrong. Spygate was 7 freaking years ago. These New England Patriots won the AFC East, the #1 seed in the AFC, two playoff games against great teams including the AFC Championship and did it all fair and square. Maybe it is us against the world and I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I am as proud to be a Patriots fan today as I ever have been.

On the other hand, it seems unlikely this will change the minds of many journalists, snarks, the hard core or casual fans across the NFL.

As a culture, we seem to prefer beliefs to facts; there’s strong anti-intellectual thread in the fabric of our national psyche.

Remember that Belichick being smarter than John Harbaugh is considered cheating by the “no fair dodging” crowd. Belichick and offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels came up with an unusual but completely legal formation and used it effectively. Instead of celebrating the intellect and creativity behind this innovative tactic, the Patriots were vilified as cheats. The League needs to do something about the Patriots playing by the rules!

Quick aside because I can’t resist: Not only does Tony Dungy encourage cheating to stop the Patriots nefarious use of the rule book, I believe it was Dungy’s Colts – prior to the rules that gave defenses an opportunity to substitute in response to offensive substitutions – that used to rush to the line of scrimmage and quickly snap the football to catch a 12^th or 13^th defensive player before they could run off the field. That was totally fair. Peyton Manning was just a brilliant in-game “aw shucks” tactician using the rules to his team’s best advantage.

Why is this homophobic dick still the moral arbiter of the NFL? Anyone?

Those people who believe the Patriots cheated, that believe Tom Brady lied are unlikely to change their minds, much like those Christians who believe the world is 6,000 years old are not shaken by overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary. Belief is important to Americans. Science is not.

This isn’t over and it won’t be over when the NFL makes its report, either. The people who believe the Patriots are cheaters will not change their minds. But it doesn’t matter.

Say it with me now, Patriots Nation.

We’re onto Seattle.

Waiting for the Other Shoe

The good news? There is no good news.

You're Scaring Me Now

As a fan I just have to say… Enough. Uncle. I’ll sign whatever you want me to sign. Troop positions. Call signs. Because honestly. You’re scaring me now. So, I’m closing my eyes. I’ve got a wooden spoon clenched between my teeth. I’d ask you to be gentle but I realize that’s not the point. So, just do it. Please. Let’s get this over with.

Thank you.

In Other News

In other news, Bryan Stork has returned to practice.

Acceptance

Man, I had the craziest dream. It was a nightmare, really. The Patriots were going to the Super Bowl and they were finally going to put that whole “they haven’t won anything since Spygate” thing in the rear view. That wasn’t the crazy part, though. The crazy part was that just as this was about to happen, the Patriots got caught up in another cheating scan-

Wait, what? 

That wasn’t a dream? 

That wasn’t a dream.

Tainted

I ain’t gonna lie, this is hard to take.

Respect

Setting aside the relative merits (if there are any) of Deflate-Gate, could this have actually done the Patriots a favor?

Small Balls

The last thing I did before I went to bed was to set up the DVR to record the 3:00am replay of the game on NFL network.

The first thing I heard this morning, listening to WEEI on my way to work was the “Deflate-Gate” story.

Having small balls would certainly be one explanation for the brutal 45-7 beating the Colts suffered in Gillette last night. Someone’s testosterone levels should be tested after a game like that.

Something More

Another playoff run, another trip down memory lane. The Tuck Rule. Spygate.

Well, you know what they say. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate.

No Sleep Till Glendale

I hate it when my pigskin heroes are prohibitive favorites, when the local gridiron cognoscenti smugly dismiss the opponent as victory is a foregone conclusion. I’ve seen it before. Don’t poke the karma bear.

Also…

Don’t sleep on the Colts.

With a Whimper

This one game shouldn’t be a referendum on his career. Besides, he was playing with a torn quad. Or a strained quad. It was something that didn’t need to be listed on an injury report and yet significant enough to impact the outcome of the game whatever it was.

Bill Belichick is Smarter Than You

John Harbaugh is asking the league to investigate why he doesn’t know the rules of the game he coaches. I expect Commissioner Roger Goodell to appoint David Petraeus as an independent investigator Monday with a full report expected by the end of the month.

Hey, it wouldn’t really be a big Patriots win if they weren’t accused of cheating, would it?

Instant Classic

Wow. Just wow.

Game Day Angst

It’s 18F in Somersworth, New Hampshire. It’s 10:30am and I’m already geared up with my gray New England Patriots hoodie over my long-sleeve Patriots t-shirt. I’ve been watching the NFL Network, listening to the litany of reasons the Patriots need to worry. I’m a freaking basket case. I’m not sure I’ll make it alive to 4:35pm and kickoff.

Wait - What?

I’m  not saying the Baltimore Ravens are a bad team, pigskin posers and pretenders, football frauds lucky to be in the playoffs in the first place because they aren’t. They’re a good team, a very good team in fact. A 21^st century head coach, a Super Bowl-winning quarterback, an athletic and attacking defense and game-changing talent on special teams. Lately, some of my friends and neighbors in Patriots Nation have adopted a fatalistic acceptance of defeat come this Saturday. The Ravens have the Patriots’ number. They’re a match-up nightmare for New England. Terrell Suggs is Tom Brady’s Baby with one Eyebrow. It’ll be close but the Pats will lose 20-17 like they always do against teams with a dominant front seven on defense.

Wait a minute. When I said, “A 21^st century head coach, a Super Bowl-winning quarterback, an athletic and attacking defense and game-changing talent on special teams,” I wasn’t talking about the Patriots?

The Precious

Maybe it's just that we saw "Five Armies" and then followed that up with a "Lord of the Rings" marathon but with all of the weeping and lamentation over the dreaded Ravens coming to town, I couldn't help but think...

Rooting Interests

It’s been said you should be careful what you wish for.

Mostly by people who have never gotten what they wished for.

Other People's Problems

Every so often I wonder, what is the deal with other NFL franchises?

It isn’t that the Patriots haven’t made mistakes (*cough* Aaron Hernandez *cough*). It isn’t that there aren’t other well-run franchises. I’m sure it’s just perception…

The Factory of Sadness

It’s hard to describe Johnny Manziel’s fall from grace as surprising but it certainly has been fascinating. I don’t remember the Chargers moving on from Ryan Leaf this fast. Cleveland GM Ray Farmer is already scouting the 2015 college quarterback class. Not that Browns fans should get too excited by this prospect. After all, it was Farmer who traded up to get Manziel, despite the red flags on Johnny Football’s curriculum vitae. Farmer took Manziel ahead of Teddy Bridgewater and Derek Carr, both of whom wound up starting and showing promise for the future. Even Jimmy Garoppolo (also taken after Manziel) in limited action looked more the part of an NFL quarterback than Manziel.

Okay, easy to make that observation now. It really isn’t easy finding a franchise QB and it’s hard to criticize a franchise with Cleveland’s recent track record taking a chance on the boom even knowing there’s a good chance for bust. GM’s can fall in love with a young man’s arm strength, his athleticism, with his upside. Like a young man with a beautiful but crazy girlfriend, you start making excuses. Maybe the sex is great. She said she was sorry for keying your car. And pouring bleach in your aquarium. And selling your $1,400 mountain bike on eBay for $57.50. Yes you probably shouldn’t have spent that much on a bicycle you used maybe five times since you met her and the aquarium really was too big for your apartment and the sex is great – did I mention the sex was great? – but after a while, you realize you really like talking to that new administrative assistant to the senior partners over your lunch break at work. She dresses sensibly and a bit conservatively. She brings a bag lunch every day, she’s quietly ambitious and she works out. She seems sincerely interested in your mountain biking stories.

That girl is your franchise quarterback.

You count yourself lucky when you find her. Uh, him.

It’s Manziel himself that I don’t get even if his story is nothing new. It isn’t like he couldn’t take a look around the league and find plenty of role models. While Manziel is partying, Tom Brady is in bed. While Manziel is wondering wear his pants are, Tom Brady is in the facility, lifting weights, studying film. If you’re working at McDonald’s for the minimum wage, driving a used Hyundai you paid $800 for that doesn’t like to start when the humidity is 80% or higher, the manager still expects you to show up on time for your shift.

The Cleveland Browns are paying Johnny Manziel millions of dollars.

The very least he could do is show up on time and he can’t even manage that.

You’re going to trust this guy when the game is on the line?

Maybe Jerry Jones would be willing to give you a 6^th round pick for Manziel. Try not to sound too eager when you say, “Yes!” to a 7^th rounder. But do yourself a favor, Ray Farmer. Let the locker room know you care more about winning than your ego. Admit you made a mistake. Move on.

Two things here: First, find a General Manager who understands the difference between the college and pro game when it comes to the quarterback position. Second, you’re going to make mistakes. Recognize, admit and correct those mistakes as quickly as possible.

Employee of the Week

Quarterback isn’t the only position that will cause a GM to let his little head do the thinking. Quarterbacks need weapons; play-makers at wide receiver. When a talent like Mike Wallace hits the free market, pigskin decision-makers may find themselves reflexively reaching for their checkbooks regardless of how well (or not) the player fits with the team’s offense or their QB’s skill set, not to mention the salary cap implications that will inevitably if not immediately limit the GM’s ability to build a complete roster. Wallace was a case study in bad free agent signings and that was before he threw a tantrum in the Dolphins’ Week 17 loss to the Jets.

Full disclosure, when Wallace was a free agent, I couldn’t help imagine him working outside the numbers, catching TDs for Tom Brady. I was concerned (if not downright suspicious) that the Steelers didn’t seem to care to re-sign him and I knew Belichick would not overpay for Wallace. I rationalized that Wallace was just a younger version of Joey Galloway.

Last Sunday, Mike Wallace quit on his teammates and nearly a week later, still no news of any punishment for his actions. Perhaps Miami is trying to maintain a low profile in hopes they can trade Wallace and his onerous contract. The problem with that line of thinking is the fact the Dolphins have already proven to every other team in the NFL that signing Mike Wallace for WR1 money was a huge mistake.

With Ryan Tannehill, a QB who is better with the short to intermediate routes, Wallace is a terrible fit. With a QB who specializes in the deep ball, Wallace could still be productive. A Joe Flacco or Tony Romo would be better fits. Can you imagine Wallace lining up across the field from Dez Bryant?

Perhaps in the Dolphins’ dysfunctional locker room, Wallace’s behavior will pass largely unnoticed. Hey, it’s an emotional game and he let his feelings – his selfish, egocentric, me first feelings – get the better of him. Maybe Wallace will make a public act of contrition and seek forgiveness from his teammates. Everyone will say the right things. Big mistake. Learned from the experience. Looked to my family and my faith. Grateful for a second chance. Just want to help the team win…  

Cut him and suffer the dead money salary cap implications? If it’s just the numbers in a spreadsheet, it doesn’t look like a good move. Still, do you want this guy on your team?

The lessons here? The locker room matters. Find players who love the game, respect the game, who put the team first. The salary cap matters, too. Have a three year plan (minimum), allocate cap space by position value and let other GM’s overpay for talent. Talent evaluation matters in this context. Did the Miami Dolphins really think Mike Wallace was a WR1? Did they mistakenly believe QB Ryan Tannehill could lead the league in 20+ completions behind that offensive line? Do these guys have any idea of who they really are?

J-E-S-T, Jest! Jest! Jest!

Was Woody Johnson the new owner that caused Bill Belichick to tender his resignation napkin? Good call, Bill. The Woodman is blowing up his franchise again, having fired both GM John Idzik and HC Rex Ryan in the wake of their disappointing 4-12-0 season. Johnson, like most of us, couldn’t figure out who was more to blame – Idzik’s parsimonious cap management that resulted in a talent poor roster and an incipient QB controversy or Ryan for failing to put a credible offense on the field – so he told both of them to pack their knives and go.

When former GM Mike Tannenbaum was fired and Rex was not, there were plenty of questions as to how or if Ryan and Idzik would be able to work together. Firing a GM is generally means firing his head coach but that didn’t happen. In retrospect, I have to think Johnson thought his team was a lot better than it was and with a few tweaks the Jets would be back in the AFC Championship game again. The players loved Rex. Maybe Ryan and Idzik were an arranged marriage but that didn’t mean love wouldn’t follow. Right?

Wrong.

Does anything the Jets have done recently appear to be part of a larger, coherent plan? They give up their best defensive player, Darrelle Revis, who ultimately winds up playing for their arch rivals because they can’t come up with some creative cap math. Instead, they overpaid a WR3, Eric Decker, to line up as WR1 for QB Geno Smith, who graded out as the worst QB in the league in 2013. (Geno’s perfect game in the Week 17 win over the Dolphins notwithstanding, he wasn’t much better in 2014, and briefly lost his starting gig to Mike Vick.) It’s too soon to make such judgments so we’ll just say their 2014 draft looks like a smoldering dumpster fire. Remember Calvin Pryor talking trash about the Patriots and Tom Brady back in June? Remember anything he did during the regular season? How about Jace Amaro? There were plenty of Pats fans who had Amaro on their big board as Gronk insurance. (Thanks again, Bill.) Amaro looked like a bust in training camp but did manage to overcome his early struggles to put together a “nondescript” rookie year when all was said and done. I could go on but my doctor has told me to cut down on caffeine, red meat and schadenfreude.

Now, the Jets will start over. They will watch Rex Ryan lead the San Francisco 49ers or the Atlanta Falcons back to the playoffs next year while they try to decide whether or not to lay down some carpeting in the AFC East basement. Might as well make it a little more livable. They’re going to be there for a while.

For Jets fans, Johnson’s meandering mea culpa, replete with what could be taken as a tampering violation in his wishful thinking out loud regarding a possible return of Revis to Gang Green, had to fall far short of reassuring. If I were a season-ticket holder, I’d be visiting the Eagles pro shop to buy a XXXL Sanchez jersey that I would wear to all Jets home games next year. I’d buy XXXL because I’ll be spending the off-season eating my feelings.

I’m not sure there are any lessons to be learned from the New York Jets. Perhaps like George Costanza, you should simply do the opposite of whatever they do.

So close and yet…

Their first winning season in forever. Their first win in Gillette Stadium. A dominant defense. Tangible evidence of improvement forming a solid foundation for hope…

When the stories surfaced that Bills HC Doug Marrone had an out in his contract you almost had to see this coming. Marrone’s departure was the kick in the nuts that followed the gut punch of Kyle Orton’s retirement. Orton wasn’t very good but with Buffalo’s defense and a solid running game, he didn’t have to be. As average as Orton was, he was decidedly better than former QB of the Future EJ Manuel. Now the Bills need to find a new head coach and a new starting quarterback (I’m still thinking Jay Cutler), one who can make the Sammy Watkins pick look like it was a good idea after all.

It can’t help that there are already rumors Marrone could be offered the Jets’ job.

Or that the list of free agent quarterbacks is a who’s who of other people’s problems (e.g., Jake Locker, Christian Ponder) and career backups (Brian Hoyer as Kyle Orton 2.0?).

Building a program, developing an identity as a franchise so the mere mention of the team’s name conjures up images of a ferocious defense or a high octane offense, achieving and maintaining success takes time and an organizational commitment. Continuity at three key positions – general manager, head coach and quarterback – will make achieving that goal a whole lot easier.

Unfortunately, getting those three key positions right is exceedingly difficult.