Small Epiphanies

We crave meaning. Our brains take in images through the optic nerve of and upside down world and turns them right-side up. We will take in the abjectly absurd and neatly rationalize it, creating a narrative with plot, action and character.

We want to know the ending.

Oh, you won’t tell?

Well, we’re happy to guess.

 

That’s the thing about the NFL. It’s a guess. The Vikings losing a must-win game to the Browns who were starting a 3^rd string QB making his second NFL start the same week they traded away last year’s 1^st round pick? If you picked the Browns in your office pool I have to guess it’s because orange is your favorite color.

Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Washington, New York (the Giants, not the Jets), Tampa Bay and Jacksonville are all 0-3-0 to start the 2013 season. Jacksonville is hardly making a surprise appearance on this list and Tampa Bay just seems like the kind of team that finds a way to lose (if “they’re just two plays away from being 2-1-0 instead of 0-3-0” was a drinking game, Bucs’ fans would be wondering where the parked their car, where they left their keys and why they weren’t wearing any pants). Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Washington and New York (the Giants, not the Jets) on the other hand were not supposed to be on this list.

Minnesota and Washington were playoff teams last year and had that “something to build on” thing going on. (“Had” being the operative word in that last sentence.) Pittsburgh and New York weren’t playoff teams last year so they were working that “bounce back season” vibe; proud, storied, square-jawed franchises that would put 2012 in the rear view with a return to the playoffs in 2013. Ben Roethlisberger was poised to have an MVP season! I’m not sure what the basis for the unbridled optimism in Gotham was (Victor Cruz’ infectious salsa moves?) but even I thought they’d beat the Cowboys in Jerry World (admit it, you did, too) and I certainly expected the G-Men to be on the other end of that 38-0 score playing the Panthers.

38-0.

Ouch.

Clearly, Eli Manning’s deal with the Devil has expired. You know the one where Eli would be able to play better than his brother and beat Tom Brady in the Super Bowl (twice). Something must’ve triggered the termination clause in that contract before the 2013 season started. You just can’t beat Beelzebub when it comes to contract law.

Green Bay, Atlanta and San Francisco may not be 0-3-0 but 1-2-0 isn’t exactly where they were planning to be, either. Atlanta only really needs to worry about New Orleans in the NFC South but Green Bay is looking up at Chicago and Detroit in the NFC North. The Packers still have the best QB in that division but unfortunately Aaron Rodgers doesn’t have an offensive line and the Green Bay defense gives up points almost as fast as Rodgers can put them on the board.

As for San Francisco, when all other explanations fail to reconcile with the facts on the ground, extrapolating from a small data sample will have to do. Lest we forget, the Niners are Super Bowl losers and therefore cursed. More importantly (perhaps), their next game is in St. Louis against a Rams team they could not beat in 2012 (0-1-1). Past performance is no guarantee of future results but the Rams are certainly not afraid of the 49ers and San Fran will be playing without Aldon Smith (28 days) and that should let Sam Bradford rock steady in the pocket all day long. San Francisco could be 1-3-0 when Week 4 is in the books.

After transforming offensive football as we know it for about 30 minutes, Philadelphia has struggled (even if there 1-2-0 record is hardly unexpected). It’s not like the Eagles offense has been horrible in the 150 minutes of football that followed. They’ve had an endless reel of highlights from Vick, DeSean Jackson and LeSean McCoy and they scored 33 and 30 points before running into the emotional buzz saw that was Andy Reid’s Kansas City Chiefs defense.

Philadelphia’s defense on the other hand is not a buzz saw.

Anyway, are Chip Kelly’s Eagles transforming the NFL? I think the transformation was already in progress. Michael Vick 1.0, Cam Newton, Colin Kaepernick, Russell Wilson and RG III preceded Kelly to the NFL. It may be too early to tell but (a) I think it may be harder to find another Colin Kaepernick than it is to find another Eli Manning and (b) running with the football just gives the most important position on the team more chances to get hurt.

Good times in the Windy City. Marc Trestman is a pigskin particle physicist. (He is nerdy looking.) Jay Cutler always feels like a mythic figure to me with that big right arm his Mjollnir. (Okay, I should know a nerd when I see one.) Having Matt Forte back and healthy is a huge plus, too. They’re 3-0-0 but they’re also the Bears and Jay Cutler is moody-like. Admit it. You feel better about Matt Stafford, don’t you?

Okay, that’s just me.

Am I surprised to see New Orleans with the trifecta? Nope. Drew Brees is a machine.

Super Bowl reco’s Seattle and Denver have been juggernauty as predicted. I like Seattle’s defense against Denver’s offense in the brutal February cold.

Kansas City at 3-0-0 is a small surprise. The math is really simple in the NFL. Get the head coach. Get the QB. Add one stud running back and a tall, fast wide receiver. Win. Why don’t more teams do this?

Perhaps a bigger surprise is – in a different way – is the New England Patriots. That the Patriots would be 3-0-0 in just about any other year wouldn’t be a surprise, of course. It’s the 2013 version that has pigskin pundits and bobbleheads mystified. They let Welker walk and replaced him with Danny “Day to Day” Amendola then watched TE Aaron Hernandez (the guy who was supposed to make Welker expendable) perp-walked from the sports section to the front page of the metro section. They then replaced their aging wide receiving core with untested and untrusted rookies. When Gronk was slow to return and the inevitable injuries erased Amendola and Shane Vereen, it was no surprise seeing the Patriots stumble in the early going… to a 3-0-0 record!

The youthful follies of their first three opponents has been offered up as an explanation and the Bills, Jets and Buccaneers probably weren’t well represented in the first six rounds of most fantasy drafts this year (that’s right, my assessment of NFL talent is crowd-sourced). Still, it’s undeniable the Patriots have been getting better. There was more good than bad from the kids for the first time this season in Week 3 as Thompkins and Dobson both contributed and neither got bitched out by Tommy Terrible. The defense is embracing and meeting the challenge of carrying the offense. The running game was productive against a tough Tampa Bay front seven despite losing starting RT Sebastian Vollmer (that’s old timey Patriots stuff). Looking ahead, Gronk may play this Sunday and Amendola may return closer to the low end of his projected 2-6 week downtime than originally thought.

It’s not to say that bloggers and commenters aren’t still calling for veteran free agents or crazy trades to fix the wide receiver position (I promised I’d never mention Larry Fitzgerald again in this context – even I thought I was veering dangerously close to the “haven’t showered in a week” kind of crazy). Rick Reilly probably thinks the Patriots are the worst 3-0-0 team in the NFL. The Atlanta game will be tough, for sure. The Falcons are a bit banged up but they’re at home and this is pretty close to a must-win game for the ATL. Should the Patriots lose, the haters will hate. Someone from Dorchester will call WEEI to suggest that Randy Moss would come out of retirement if only Tom and Bill would give him a call.

If they win, Rick Reilly will probably think they’re the worst 4-0-0 team in the NFL.