Pigskin Singularity

That skinny kid from Cali is finally (and again) hanging up his cleats.

Puzzling Pigskins

Mike Florio didn't tell us anything we didn't already know about "Deflategate." It was a hit job, a frame up, that ignored science in favor of conspiracy theory. Cold temperatures make things shrink (and not just footballs). We all knew that even before learning that scientists, as they do, had a name for it: The Ideal Gas Law. Florio does name names, but for those of us in New England who already had Troy Vincent and Jeff Pash on our list of people we hope to meet in Hell, again, not surprised. Still, there is one question I have about "Deflategate" that hasn't been answered.

Why?

All Good Things End

So. I won't die before Tom Brady retires after all.

The Good, The Bad (and the Beauty Challenged)

In retrospect, Tom Brady's return to Foxborough played out exactly the way we all should've known it would. Bill being Bill, making things ugly, and Tom being Tom, somehow finding a way to win.

Sometimes Knowing Doesn't Make a Difference

So now we know what should've been obvious all along. Tom Brady wanted to sign with the San Francisco 49ers, the team of his childhood hero, playing in a stadium close to his parents. By extension, we also know who the mofo is that Brady referred to in The Shop. Jimmy GQ. 

It's Complicated

The New England Patriots may not be looking past this Sunday's game with the New Orleans Saints but the same cannot be said for local pigskin pundits and bobbleheads. There's really nothing else they want to talk about but Tom Brady's return to Foxborough, when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers come to town October 3rd, 2021. 

Can you blame them?

The Cult of Aaron

Good to know the haters are still out there. 

Everything Must Go!

The Tom Brady Era in New England is over. I've denied it, I've gotten angry about it, and I've finally (I think) accepted it.

So… Now what?

The Californian

It's been almost a week and I'm still not sure how to start this.

"We'll always have Paris" or "Everything ends badly or else it wouldn't end?"

Maybe it's a little of both.

Mo Bettah Tom Brady

I know this may sound obvious, but that Tom Brady guy? He's pretty good.

Goating Around

I love small data samples. Let's take Tom Brady's 4th quarter in the AFC Championship Game.

9 of 12 for 138 yards and 2 TDs. Against the best pass defense in the NFL. Wait, what? I've seen this movie before, haven't I?

The Lion in Winter

That Jimmy Garoppolo trade didn't look like such a big deal Saturday night.

Brady Being Brady

I've already had three cups of coffee and I still can't figure out how buying a mass produced automobile can make me a special, unique, boss, leader, pro, father of the year who brings the sexy back with my young exotic girlfriend. Maybe I shouldn't try to understand it. I have been thinking about trading in my current car. Perhaps this is a sign.

The wife is going to hate that young exotic girlfriend, though…

Thinking The Unthinkable

Would Bill Belichick trade Tom Brady?

I guess another way to put that question would be...

Could that ever be the best thing for the team?

More Human Than Human

Tom Brady is a Malcolm Gladwell book; "Outliers" or "Blink." Or both.

Things To Do In Denver When You're Tom

So, the chatter amongst the pigskin chattering class this week has been all about Tom Brady's own personal House of Horrors, a house built from SoCal Kryptonite, Sports Authority Field at Mile High. Rightly so. Minus his 2-7-0 record in Denver, Brady wins 80% of all other games played. So, yeah, that's a thing.

Just a Couple of Thoughts

So, I've been seeing a little bit of Deion Branch in Malcolm Mitchell for a while now and pardon me for spiking the football but…

Nailed it!

The Sky Is Falling

We're going to miss him. Let's get that out of the way. Your team doesn't lose one of the 10 best players in the league and not have it hurt. We've all been hearing or reading how Gronk's absence affects Brady's numbers, and by extension, the Patriots offense. The local pigskin pundits and bobbleheads have adopted the role of stern church deacons, necks bulging, warning us of the pigskin Armageddon about to befall the kingdoms to the east of the Connecticut River. The national pigskin pundits and bobbleheads ghoulishly repeat the prognosis on Gronkowski while arguing over whether this makes the Raiders the new favorite to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. 

Fantastic Pigskins And Where To Find Them

So, Bill Belichick is the head master of a Pigskin Hogwarts. And yes, okay, he came from the House of Slytherin. Geez, just one Voldemort an an entire house gets a bad name. Anyway, I'd say Belichick is more Snape than He Who Shall Not Be Named. Whatever. Be a hater.

Meanwhile, Belichick must occasionally play Quidditch against mere muggles. 

No surprise this game wasn't flexed to prime time.

I Feel Good

Tom Brady. Again. For the 200th time.

As scary and as indelible as that moment was, as LeGarrette Blount reversed field and Brady turned upfield, willingly if ineptly placing himself in harm's way, just the act of playing through the pain - and pulling out the win - could be even bigger in the long run. An end of the second act moment. A this might be something that could be something kind of moment. Yeah. I feel good. So good.

I know I shouldn't be so optimistic but I really do think we had a moment there. Brady gutting out the win on a gammy leg. The recently re-minted Captain leading by example. I'm definitely sensing a moment in the narrative here. The cold-blooded game-winner to Malcolm Mitchell seemed almost effortless despite the somewhere in the neighborhood presence of the ghost of Darrelle Revis. That was a moment, too. Still. Tom Brady running interference as LeGarrette Blount reversed field. Brady blocked like a man running through a field of rabid badgers. (No badgers were harmed in the running of that play.) It was horrifying. I held my breath. Somehow, Brady avoided all the badgers, er, Jets. On a gammy leg.  

I suppose Derek Carr may have had that moment, too, what with his comeback following the nausea-inducing dislocated little finger on his throwing hand. (Just saying I believe Brady would've recovered the fumbled snap had it been his and not Carr's little finger smashed sideways. I wouldn't have. I would not. I would've snapped. A stress-induced madness brought on by a searing, blinding pain. Total personality dissolution, if only for a few fleeting yet harrowing moments. All I would've been able to think is... FINGER! But that's me. Brady would've not only picked up the fumble but he probably would've then thrown a TD pass. Maybe not. I'll admit it; that's crazy talk. Probably. That finger was way gnarly. Okay, let's leave it that Brady would've recovered the fumble.) Carr pulled out another 4th quarter win for the Raiders, using a glove from Stark Industries to finish the game (after his finger was un-dislocated).

It's the expectation of fame. The responsibility of celebrity. Win the locker room and you win in the 4th quarter. It's the pigskin subtext for some straight up Joseph Campbell with a Carl Jung chaser. Brady. Carr. Parallel storylines that Einstein himself would tell you are destined to collide. It's hero time. Big damn hero time. Big damn pigskin hero time.

Brady, though. He's owned the Patriots locker room for a long time now. There are guys on the roster who literally grew up watching Tom Brady win Super Bowls and be otherwise awesome all the time. Now they're in the same locker room, on the same practice field, playing games with him.

It's got to be surreal to be Malcolm Mitchell or Joe Thuney or any of the 20-somethings on the roster. Hey, Malcolm Mitchell! Tom Brady just called you clutch, dude. What's that like?

I just let myself think about SB51 and it felt good.