Take the Points

I had this crazy dream where I was back in 2007. Randy Moss was throwing his hand up. Tom Brady was carpet bombing defensive backfields with touchdown passes. Wes Welker was roaming free over the middle. I don’t remember that gigantic tight end though. You’d think I’d remember somebody that big, and athletic, and – wait. What?

That wasn’t a dream?

 

I spent most of this week listening to the local pigskin pundits and bobbleheads gnawing on the flesh-stripped ankles of the win over the Steelers. The Steelers aren’t very good; we shouldn’t read too much into the win. Okay, yes, they did score a butt-load of points but you know, Steelers = Not Good. Let’s see the Patriots offense do it again. You know, not 55 points but yeah let’s set the over/under for whether or not we’ll be impressed at 31.5 points. And on and on. Just sucking all the oxygen and joy out of the room so I’m left to suffocate while feeling melancholy.

Come on!

You’ve got to enjoy moments like last Sunday. 55 points. 610 yards. That’s tough to do. It’s amazing to watch. I’m glad it came before the bye week so I can enjoy it that much longer. 55 points and 610 yards of offense were both “In the History of the Franchise” records against the Steelers’ defense. All time. Yeah, okay, maybe the Steelers are terrible but 55 points? 610 yards? The first time that’s ever happened to the Pittsburgh Steelers. You don’t want to give any of the credit for that to Tom Brady and New England’s offense?

Just so – should the Patriots lose the AFC Championship game – you can say, “I knew it. I knew they weren’t a Super Bowl team.”

I do not want to party with you.

Washington 30, Minnesota 16 – That OT drive for the win in San Diego just felt like one of those season defining moments, didn’t it? Would you be surprised if Washington ran the table? If you had to bet the mortgage on either the Cowboys or Washington to win the NFC East, who’ve you got?

Seattle 41, Atlanta 19 – Seattle had a scare with Tampa Bay. They won’t make the same mistake against Atlanta. Meanwhile, Atlanta is thinking, no, it couldn’t be worse.

Detroit 37, Chicago 24 – The Lions are full of self-esteem these days. Swag, even. A win like that game against Dallas will do that for you. Maybe you’re good or maybe you’re lucky but either way the outcome really doesn’t care.

Philadelphia 31, Green Bay 20 – Was there a bigger drop off than Aaron Rodgers to Seneca Wallace on any other roster in the NFL?

Jacksonville 6, Tennessee 24 – Blech.

St. Louis 16, Indianapolis 31 – Kind of scary that Indianapolis has gotten this good this fast.

Oakland 17, NY Giants 26 – The Giants are still alive!

Buffalo 0, Pittsburgh 30 – The Bills are in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Cincinnati 27, Baltimore 20 – As long as the Bengals have taken their foot off of their dick. 

Carolina 23, San Francisco 24 – Big game for the Panthers. I don’t think that’s been said a lot.

Houston 17, Arizona 24 – Because they didn't kill Gary Kubiak the first time. Too soon?

Denver 56, San Diego 35 – Peyton Manning throws 8 TD passes and tweets, “Suck it, Nick Foles! #betterpizza.”

Dallas 27, New Orleans 34 – If they want to be taken seriously, this is the kind of game the Cowboys need to win. Those of us who aren’t sure we could ever take the Cowboys seriously will thankfully have more time to prepare for this possibility. The Saints return to the reassuring confines of the Super Dome, where their severe case of pigskin agoraphobia will not be an issue.

Miami 17, Tampa Bay 20 – So, what have we learned from the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin saga? Let’s see. Football players are different. I think we knew they were different but let’s all admit we didn’t know they were this different. We also learned that football players can eat and drink enough to run up five figure dinner tabs. Again, I think we assumed 300 pound men knew how to use a knife and fork but seeing “$30,000” on the tab beggars the imagination. (What’s the most expensive steak you’ve ever had?) We’ve also learned that in any group of 60 men, one of them is bound to be a total asshole. I actually thought the ratio was much higher than that. (It almost restores my faith in humanity and I have to say I didn’t see that one coming.) We also learned that some head coaches can spend enough hours on the job to literally kill themselves and still have no idea what’s going on in the locker room. Meanwhile, the Dolphins have spent the week dealing with the reviews of their repertory production of “The Lord of the Flies” by the national media while the Buccaneers have been talking themselves into turning that frown from last week’s loss to the Seahawks upside down into a “Hey! We almost beat the Seahawks!” smile.