Making Way Too Much Out Of Nothing At All

Preseason, even the infamous “dress rehearsal” 3rd preseason game, is fraught with equal parts unreasoning elation and unfounded doom. We can make way too much of a single series, even a single play and yet, the siren call of the hot take is simply impossible to resist.

So, I’m just going to roll with it…

Tom's Thumb Blues

It’s hardly a surprise that we know so little about Tom Brady’s “mishap.” I think we’re all generally aware of scissors but what do we really know about what happened before Thursday night’s preseason game? When I hear that he “sliced” his right thumb I want to know if the cut needed stitches. Was this dealt with using a standard sized band-aid? Players use scissors to pry jammed up turf from their cleats? Scissors? Tom Brady doesn’t have a body man to handle these plebian tasks? Where was rookie QB Jacoby Brissett? Shouldn’t he be cleaning Brady’s cleats?

I get the Patriots not saying anything. They never say anything. They didn’t say anything about Gronk, Jabaal Sheard or Shea McClellin’s recent absences. We didn’t know Shaq Mason had a broken hand until today and he’s been a no-show for a week. Okay. Nothing to see here. But this is Tom Edward Patrick Brady, Jr.! Where is the incredulous speculation and conspiracy theorizing from the local pigskin pundits and bobbleheads? Where is the keening and wailing of the good citizens of Patriots Nation?

I guess we’re all too busy reliving that 2-minute drill by Jimmy Garoppolo.

If A Preseason Game Falls In The Forest

Okay, they could have taken a strong moral stand on domestic violence but sadly didn’t. They could’ve addressed player safety a long time ago but instead decided the ideal PR model was Big Tobacco. Deny. Delay. Litigate. Know the general public is addicted to your product. You just need to give them time to accept the fact your product has a, you know, side effect. Hey! Everybody dies, am I right? The NFL didn’t do a lot of things right off the field for the last decade. But they always delivered the product. No matter what else they screwed up, they always gave us what we wanted. The Chronic. Ecstasy. Football.

They always gave us football.

Wait - what?

Defense Wins You Know What

It isn’t like the Patriots defense has been bad in recent years. Not as good as the ‘03-’04 bunch but still, you know… not bad. They were a Top 10 defense in points allowed last year and they were good enough to help win a Super Bowl only two years ago. Is it just easy to forget the defense when you have Tom Brady leading a Top 3 scoring offense? Maybe that’s part of it. After all, with Brady, Gronk, Edelman and the rest putting 28+ on the scoreboard every week, the defense only needs to be good enough.

Will good enough be good enough this year?

Perfect Tommy

I know. Practice. We’re talking about practice.

Still.

25 of 25. Perfect. Perfect Tommy.

The Heel Turn

The rest of the NFL had to cheat to try to stop the Patriots.

Will it work?

I find myself thinking they don’t really care.

It’s all about TV ratings, asses in seats, internet traffic and trending topics on social media. Cash money, homes. That’s what Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the Patriots bring to the table. Love ‘em or hate ‘em; there are no undecideds, no swing voters, no independents when it comes to the New England Patriots.

Sunshine, Puppies and Christmas in August

So far - despite a few (we hope) minor injuries and the usual PUP listers, despite the rain and despite the people who don’t play a psychiatrist on TV examining every gesture by Tom Brady as revelatory of some greater insight into the human condition - it’s been hard not to feel optimistic about the Patriots chances to bring home one more Lombardi Trophy.

Tom Brady Owes You Nothing But His Best On The Field

I don’t ready Boston Globe sports much. It isn’t worth the $0.99/month they charge (after the 5 free articles) and I mostly hate their writers anyway. No, that’s not fair. I totally hate their writers.

But every so often I slip up or they’re quoted on other platforms, like Ben Volin’s deep psychological analysis of Brady’s body language in early camp action I came across on the CBS Sports site. It wasn’t on his Globe bio page but maybe Volin took a psychology class as an undergrad. I’m sure he’s a keen observer of the human condition. And there was a kernel of truth in the Q&A with Volin. It was when he said, “I can’t say for sure.”

My bigger mistake was hitting a link that took me to Dan Shaughnessy’s “When Will Tom Brady Break His Silence” piece.

What Was That Definition of Insanity Again?

Pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, burned by past prognostications, are already backing away from the notion that this is the year the Patriots finish second in the AFC East. This despite Tom Brady’s four-game suspension. There’s still Sith Lord Belichick and his loyal lieutenants patrolling the sidelines. There’s the defense that gets to tune up for the regular season by facing Brady in training camp and there are all those weapons on offense Garoppolo will have at his disposal when things get really real. Everyone west of the Connecticut River is hoping against hope New England will stumble out of the gate at 1-3-0 if not 0-4-0 but like the gridiron cognoscenti, in their heart of hearts, they fear the Patriots.

Put another way, if you’re a Bills, Dolphins or Jets fan, the Patriots are in your head; Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are sitting on a couch in the living room of your head, watching Matt Damon movies.

If you’re a Patriots fan, you’re chuckling over the prospect that not one but two Ryan brothers will be fired at the end of this season, the notion Adam Gase can fix Ryan Tannehill and that this is the year Ryan Fitzpatrick gets to the playoffs.

Hey, want to go out and catch the new Bourne movie?