Pigskin Mentality

There are no meaningless games to those who are playing.

I'm sure some smart guy said something like that once upon an upset.

Pigskin Presents Neath the Tree

I'm not a big fan of roller coaster rides but at least I didn't throw up at the end of this one.

Pigskin Pondering

 It's ending badly, we all know that, but unfortunately, it can't end quickly. At least, not quickly enough.

We're going to have to watch this movie - Tennessee Bill and the Stadium of Doom, inarguably the worst movie in the Tennessee Bill franchise - at least three more times. On network TV, with commercials. Why would I do that to myself? And yet, I know I'm going to watch it again. I'm a mystery to myself.

Good Christmas

Pigskin Balm for the Soul

 "The Patriots scored a touchdown!"

-me, to my wife, 8:30 pm EST Thursday night because it was kind of amazing to see the Patriots just march down the field and score a touchdown and yes, that's an indictment of the 2023 New England Patriots and a sad commentary on my pigskin life

No Chance for Parole Pigskins

When your team does something that hasn't happened since the 1930s, you just have to hope it doesn't have anything to do with Al Capone.

I know I'm setting the bar low but hey, I'm talking about my New England Patriots here.

Pigskin Acceptance

It's starting to not hurt as much watching the Patriots lose.

I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Pigskin Reverie

I reminded myself again this morning that the Patriots cannot lose this week.

They can't win, either, but at this point, I'll settle for not losing.

It does give me plenty of time to consider, these pigskin days…

DOA Pigskins

Well, we're on to 2024, I guess.

Unfortunately, there's still more of 2023 left. 

When will this ending finally end?

Pigskin Pathos

So, before the game, I was talking with my son and noted that Washington had just given up two of the better defensive ends at the trade deadline; a pretty clear signal the Commanders were on to 2024. "If the Patriots can't win at home against a team that's already given up," I said, "it's over."

Three and a half hours later, it was.

Pigskin Value Propositions

 Well, that went exactly as expected.

Pigskin Clearance Sale

Everything must go. No reasonable offer refused.

P.S.

Football is cruel. Trust me. I was a Pats fan before Belichick and Brady. I've seen this movie before. It does not end well. 

Yes, I'm still staying for the credits.

Pigskin Boson

Am I feeling good about my pigskin heroes? They beat the Bills just last Sunday, and the Bills are, according to the gridiron cognoscenti, Super Bowl contenders. On the other hand, the Bills didn't look that good beating the Buccaneers last night. In Buffalo. (Hey! It was a short week!)  Still, I should feel good about the Patriots heading down to Miami to play the Dolphins this Sunday. 

Shouldn't I?

Redemptive Pigskin

I think I forgot just how good it feels when your team wins.

That's on me.

Pigskin Doomity Doom

I don't know if I've ever looked forward less to a football game than I am for this upcoming Pats game against the Bills. As in, I don't want to, but I can't look away. You know, like when there's a train wreck on a dumpster fire in a tornado spewing hornets' nests and rattlesnakes.

No, wait.

I would watch that.

Pigskins Without a Parachute

You ever have that feeling like you just jumped out of an airplane without a parachute? Like you're falling, plummeting, accelerating to terminal velocity and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it but watch?

Pathetic Pigskins

The New England Patriots were hard to watch on Sunday. They were horrible and all of its synonyms. They may have set the bar for how pigskin awfulness will be measured in the future. 

Pigskin Armageddon

Could this Sunday's game be the biggest, singularly important, most consequential, Western Civilization hangs in the balance with all life as we know it ending game of the post-Brady era Patriots?

You know, until the week after that, of course.

Quiz Show

"I've got a question for you," Bob said.

Pigskin Personality Disorder

 I really thought the deck chairs looked better before you moved them…

Pigskin Feels

I am, as they say, all in my feels today. So many pigskin feels.

Let me start with this:

The New England Patriots are broken, literally and figuratively.

Problematic Pigskins

Sometimes your pigskin heroes aren't so heroic. But that's okay. After all, we're only rooting for laundry.

Puzzling Pigskins

Did the Patriots actually look better when they were losing to the Eagles and the Dolphins than they did beating the Jets?

Maybe. 

One thing's for sure. Losing to the Dolphins 24-17 looks a whole lot better today. Like 46 points better.

Pigskins, We Have A Problem

Is there a solution for every pigskin problem?

Everyone seems to think so. (Still waiting for that Larry Fitzgerald trade to happen? Yeah.) But it's a little bit like Apollo 13. You can't change the situation. You can only work with what's in the box. 

You can keep looking, but I don't think you're going to find Mike Evans in there.

Pigskin Fatalism

 They just feel like a team that will somehow find a way to 8-8-0 - coming all the way back from an 0-4-0 start - with a tiebreaker's chance at a wildcard spot, only to lose tragically in Game 17. 

On a booth review.

Pigskin Dreams of Brave Ulysses

The Patriots face a "must win" game in Week 2 with a decimated offensive line. 

Pigskin Hope

Yes, my pigskin heroes lost. And yes, they lost in the way I feared they would lose; with a stout defense keeping it close, betrayed in the end by an offense that just isn't good enough. 

And yet, I'm feeling pretty good this fine New England morning, even before that first cup of coffee hits.

Imminent Pigskins

Even the most optimistic of Pats fans are thinking, 9-8-0, baby! It's possible. Back in the playoffs! No, really. It could happen. Definitely doable. Hello? Is this on? Let's go! 

The Big Pet Store

“I’m telling you man, planet Earth is just one big pet store for the Greys.”

“You’re an idiot, Jimmy,” Eric said, with a little too much force. 

“Doesn’t make me wrong,” Jimmy said, oblivious to Eric’s tone.

Practically Pigskins

Wrong again.

Pigskin Cuts and Bruises

Godspeed, Nick Folk Hero!

The trade of Folk - the one constant positive for New England's offense over the last three years - was a bit of a surprise, but then came cutdown day and suddenly everyone was wondering if Bill Belichick can still count to 3.

Interesting Pigskin Times

The preseason is over and I still don't know what I don't know.

You'd think I'd be used to it by now. 

I do know that "May you live in interesting times" is actually a curse, not a blessing. And these are interesting pigskin times.

Questions? Yes, I have so many questions…

Pigskin Uncertainty

 Maybe Heisenberg is right. 

I should not be observing the preseason.

It really isn't good for either involved party.

Pigskin Adventures

The Pats finally signed Ezekial Elliot. I'm hoping New England got the Ezekiel that Samuel L. Jackson was talking about in "Pulp Fiction." That would be nice. 

Still worried about the O-Line?

Yeah.

Still worried about everything.

Meaningless Pigskin Observations

It's a good thing this one didn't count.

Preemptive Pigskins

 The Dolphins are Dangerous, the Bills are a Patrick Mahomes injury away from touching the Lombardi, the Jets have Dark Thor at QB, Mac Jones is the pigskin version of Schrodinger's Cat, DeAndre Hopkins has signed with the Titans, and Bill Belichick is on the hot seat. 

Did I miss anything, fellow Pats fans?

Office Cubicles

"You're from the Portsmouth office, right?"

"That's right," Kate said. "I'm legal staff on the Synchular Audit."

Make-Up Counter

The local headlines and on-line click bait had dubbed him the "Beat Face Bandit." He had taken down three banks; first as Lady Gaga, right down to the pink hat from the "Joanne" album cover, then Madonna circa "Lucky Star," and most recently, though oddly less successfully, as Harry Styles.

The Story of Lil's Lagoon

"The figure rose from the sun-fractured, sapphire blue waters of the lagoon, like the reflection of an angel, wings spread, sword in hand, descending from the heavens.

King Kong's Cage

James surveyed the salvage operation, now nearly complete. The sum of his twenty-six years had been packed in a large suitcase, a garment bag, and four cardboard boxes, which were stacked neatly on the floor, ready to be shipped to his new place in Wisconsin. His flight to Madison from Manchester left at 6:05pm. If anything, he was ahead of schedule. He realized, much to his surprise, that he felt good; not quite happy, but good. He would travel the road not taken, after all.

Post-Coital Pigskins

The 2023 NFL Draft is complete.

Was it good for you?

Pigskin Futures

Yes, one last mock draft for 2023. Yes, mock drafts are silly. I mean, it's right there in the title…

Mock. (1) To tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner. (2) Not authentic or real.

Then again, what, exactly, is real?

The Mockman Returneth

Yes, another NFL mock draft…

Pigskin Insanity AKA Mock Draft 2.0

What is it they say about insanity? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different outcome? Or is that the definition of a mock draft?

Mockumental Pigskins

Yeah, I know. It's stupid. I'm just wasting time. 

No, I wouldn't jump off a cliff if everyone else was doing it but, come on…

Pigskin Fin

Huzzah and congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs, your SB LVII champions!

Pigskin Punchline

 Two football teams run into a stadium. 

One was assaulted.

No, wait! That's the two peanuts in Central Park joke.

Or is it?

Pigskin Singularity

That skinny kid from Cali is finally (and again) hanging up his cleats.

Pigskin Fate and Misfortune

 So, so glad I'm not a Cincinnati Bengals fan today.

The Real Football Coaches of Foxborough

People being people.

Sometimes it's tragic. And when it isn't tragic it's almost always hilarious. 

Pigskins: The Sequel

In a move that literally everyone saw coming, the New England Patriots have hired Bill O'Brien as Offensive Coordinator.

Good thing. The lack of suspense was killing me.

Pigskin Inevitabilies

The question remains: Will Brock Purdy ever lose?

Yeah, probably next Sunday. 

But…

What if he doesn't?

Pigskin Next

Wild Card Weekend was certainly entertaining even if there weren't that many surprises.

Sorry. I just can't call that Giants win an "upset."

And really, did anyone trust the Chargers? Even when they were winning by 27 points? Yeah. That's going to take hours, if not years, of therapy to get over.

But enough of that; it's so last week. We're on to the Divisional Round!

My Pigskin Wild Card Wish List

My pigskin playoff wish list?

Lots of points and no major injuries. 

I like to keep it simple.

Hey, chicks aren't the only gender that digs the long ball.

Pigskin Dramaturgy

When there's no more football to be played, we still need to have a story to tell. 

Even if it's the same old story. As the saying goes, there is nothing new under the sun. And only seven basic plots. So, if you think you've heard any of this before, well, there's a reason for that. Or seven reasons, I suppose.

Pigskin Face Punch

 The good news? 

The Patriots can't lose another game in a heartbreaking and/or statistically unusual way.

Their season is over.

Pigskin Perspective

 Tough week to be a football fan.

Even tougher week to be a football player. And a football player's family.

Pigskin Penultimatum

 So.

You're saying there's a chance?