Sometimes
things just work out. Sometimes they don’t, especially if Tony Romo is
involved.
The
Giants won but it didn’t matter because the Bears won but that didn’t matter
either because the Vikings won. I think. I lost track of the various
tiebreakers/win-and-they’re-in scenarios as the 1:00pm games were ending. Could
have been the vodka, I suppose. Anyway, the brackets are set and if everything
goes to form we’ll get Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship
game. And yes, that sound you just heard was Jim Nantz’s and Phil Simms’s pants
exploding.
Bring Out Your
Dead…
The
San Diego Chargers finally took Norv Turner off life support. Turner and GM A.J.
Smith have been terminated with slight prejudice. The Chargers are
now officially in shambles. How can the Chargers be this bad with the Raiders
and Chiefs in their division? Conventional pigskin wisdom has Turner next getting
an offensive coordinator gig.
Hmm…
The Jets just are rumored to be firing their offensive coordinator.
I
can dream, can’t I?
Along
with the expected firing of Tony Sparano, the Jets actually fired GM Mike
Tannenbaum for cause (e.g., the Mark Sanchez contract), but not Head Coach Rex
Ryan. The Chiefs fired their HC, Romeo Crennel, but (at least for the moment)
retained GM Scott Pioli. The Chicago Bears management team apparently believes
they gave Lovie Smith enough talent to make the playoffs; failing to do so
despite a 10-6-0 record, Smith was shown the door and told he could proceed
through same.
Like
Lovie Smith, Ken Whisenhunt has a Super Bowl Loser Ring and just like Lovie
Smith he too is now between jobs. Finishing the year 1-11-0, I doubt the news
came as a surprise to Whisenhunt. Arizona, will you now please trade Larry
Fitzgerald to New England? Would you take Ryan Mallett, Shane Vereen and draft
picks? I’m pretty sure we’ve got a spare tight end around here somewhere, too.
The
Browns fired their head coach and GM – Pat Shurmur and Tom Heckert – but they
do that every two to three years anyway, don’t they? In Buffalo, Chan Gailey
became the latest to succumb to the fine print in the deal Ralph Wilson signed
with the Devil. You would’ve thought losing four consecutive Super Bowls would
be enough, wouldn’t you? Since losing two playoff games for HC Wade Phillips,
the Bills have had Gregg Williams (currently serving an indefinite/lifetime ban
for his role in Bountygate), Mike Mularkey (currently destroying the
Jacksonville Jaguars franchise), Dick Jauron (until recently the defensive
coordinator for the Cleveland Browns), Perry Fewell (defensive coordinator for
the not in the playoffs New York Giants) and Gailey not lead the Bills to the
playoffs, utterly and completely debunking the Blind Squirrel Theory.
Unless,
of course, you’re willing to give that blind squirrel more than 12 years to
find that acorn.
Finally,
Eagles’ fans won’t have Andy Reid’s mustache to mock any more. Pigskin rumors
have it that Reid was busy putting
together a new staff
even before having a meat thermometer stuck in his goose. Listening to Jeffrey Lurie’s
kiss off speech
made you wonder why they were letting him go; as described by Lurie, Reid
sounded like an adipose pigskin Jesus (with a mockable mustache). I did enjoy
Reid’s comment that he found it hard to know what to say when he wasn’t getting
booed.
Certainly,
there are plenty of openings for Reid and his shadow staff.
Forget
Arizona, Andy! Everything is not up to date in Kansas City!
I’m
pulling for Chicago.
Andy
Reid and Jay Cutler.
It’s
just crazy enough to work.
Lose And Go Home…
Over
the last week, I’ve read there’s no statistical
evidence for momentum
but it’s still easy to picture the staggering Texans falling to the Bengals in
the Wildcard round, isn’t it? Houston has the opposite of momentum. They have
nomentum. They’ve lost 3 of their last 4 and haven’t really looked the same
since their humbling loss to the Patriots. Meanwhile, the Bengals are trending.
Back-to-back playoff appearances. 7-1-0 in the second half including wins over
divisional rivals Pittsburgh and Baltimore.
We
need to respect the science here. Did you know the Bengals were 6-2-0 on the road this year? Did you
know they gave up fewer points than the more noticed Texans’ defense? That’s
pigskin arithmetic!
Bengals 27, Texans 24
The
pigskin consensus seems to be that the Colts have been playing above their
talent level for most of the season and they must inevitably regress to the
mean at some point. The question then is when. Will they play with any less
emotional intensity in their first playoff game for #chuckstrong? Indianapolis
won 11 games while scoring 30 fewer
points than their opponents over the course of the season. What level of
adversity, exactly, will shake this team? Andrew Luck is 26th in
Passer Rating, he’s completing just 54% of his passes and he’s thrown 18
interceptions but when the Colts need it most he makes a play. For Baltimore, it
all depends on which Ravens team shows up; the team that dismantled the Giants
two weeks ago or the team that was deconstructed by the Broncos three weeks
ago. The Ravens 4-4-0 second half, with one of those wins coming against the
Steelers sans Roethlisberger and another coming in overtime against the
Chargers was the very definition of meh. Baltimore’s once
feared defense ranked #17 in 2012, the very definition of mediocre. Ray Lewis’ announcement that he
will retire after this season is the very definition of desperation.
Okay,
I’ll stop that “very definition of” thing now. Sorry.
Where
was I?
Oh,
yes…
That
grating sound you hear is either the creaking joints of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and
Terrell Suggs or Baltimore’s Super Bowl window closing. Perhaps it’s one and the
same thing.
Colts 24, Ravens 22
I
get the feeling the Packers know what they have to lose and the Vikings don’t.
Vikings 38, Packers 27
Washington
is a team of destiny.
Seattle is a team of destiny.
Destiny, it seems, is a philandering slut.
Skins 27, Seahawks 17
Best Bye Week Ever…
Everybody
is “dinged up” at this point in the season but New England probably needed the
bye week as much as any team in the playoffs. Thankfully, it looks like Rob Ninkovich
will be ready to go a week from Sunday. It’s hard to lose any player having his
best season (8 sacks, 5 forced fumbles, 4 fumbles recovered, 1 pass defended
and 5 tackles for loss). New England is pretty deep at DE with Trevor Scott,
back from suspension Jermaine Cunningham and out of nowhere UDFA rookie DE Justin
Francis available but Ninkovich actually has been Mike Vrabel 2.0
this year. More importantly, The Patriots are also hoping the extra time off
will help get MLB Brandon Spikes rock and roll solid for the playoffs and get DB’s
Aqib Talib and Alfonzo Dennard back on the field so Devin McCourty can return
to safety.
Only The Beginning…
If
you’ve been watching Patriots’ games this year, you probably took note of the
fact that Bill Belichick could often be found not on the sideline but on one
knee in front of the defensive bench, flipping through Polaroids, reminding
players to set the edge, do their jobs, keep the play in front of them and eat
lots of green leafy vegetables. Perhaps that’s because New
England fielded one of the youngest
defenses in the NFL. Overall, the Patriots are one of the younger teams in
the league. I’m not going to go all LeBron on you here but this looks like a
team ready to compete for Super Bowls for the next five years – the five years
that would carry Tom
Brady to his 40th birthday.
I’m
just saying…
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