Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Every New Beginning


Sometimes things just work out. Sometimes they don’t, especially if Tony Romo is involved.

The Giants won but it didn’t matter because the Bears won but that didn’t matter either because the Vikings won. I think. I lost track of the various tiebreakers/win-and-they’re-in scenarios as the 1:00pm games were ending. Could have been the vodka, I suppose. Anyway, the brackets are set and if everything goes to form we’ll get Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. And yes, that sound you just heard was Jim Nantz’s and Phil Simms’s pants exploding.

 
Bring Out Your Dead…
The San Diego Chargers finally took Norv Turner off life support. Turner and GM A.J. Smith have been terminated with slight prejudice. The Chargers are now officially in shambles. How can the Chargers be this bad with the Raiders and Chiefs in their division? Conventional pigskin wisdom has Turner next getting an offensive coordinator gig.

Hmm… The Jets just are rumored to be firing their offensive coordinator.

I can dream, can’t I?

Along with the expected firing of Tony Sparano, the Jets actually fired GM Mike Tannenbaum for cause (e.g., the Mark Sanchez contract), but not Head Coach Rex Ryan. The Chiefs fired their HC, Romeo Crennel, but (at least for the moment) retained GM Scott Pioli. The Chicago Bears management team apparently believes they gave Lovie Smith enough talent to make the playoffs; failing to do so despite a 10-6-0 record, Smith was shown the door and told he could proceed through same.

Like Lovie Smith, Ken Whisenhunt has a Super Bowl Loser Ring and just like Lovie Smith he too is now between jobs. Finishing the year 1-11-0, I doubt the news came as a surprise to Whisenhunt. Arizona, will you now please trade Larry Fitzgerald to New England? Would you take Ryan Mallett, Shane Vereen and draft picks? I’m pretty sure we’ve got a spare tight end around here somewhere, too.

The Browns fired their head coach and GM – Pat Shurmur and Tom Heckert – but they do that every two to three years anyway, don’t they? In Buffalo, Chan Gailey became the latest to succumb to the fine print in the deal Ralph Wilson signed with the Devil. You would’ve thought losing four consecutive Super Bowls would be enough, wouldn’t you? Since losing two playoff games for HC Wade Phillips, the Bills have had Gregg Williams (currently serving an indefinite/lifetime ban for his role in Bountygate), Mike Mularkey (currently destroying the Jacksonville Jaguars franchise), Dick Jauron (until recently the defensive coordinator for the Cleveland Browns), Perry Fewell (defensive coordinator for the not in the playoffs New York Giants) and Gailey not lead the Bills to the playoffs, utterly and completely debunking the Blind Squirrel Theory.

Unless, of course, you’re willing to give that blind squirrel more than 12 years to find that acorn.

Finally, Eagles’ fans won’t have Andy Reid’s mustache to mock any more. Pigskin rumors have it that Reid was busy putting together a new staff even before having a meat thermometer stuck in his goose. Listening to Jeffrey Lurie’s kiss off speech made you wonder why they were letting him go; as described by Lurie, Reid sounded like an adipose pigskin Jesus (with a mockable mustache). I did enjoy Reid’s comment that he found it hard to know what to say when he wasn’t getting booed.

Certainly, there are plenty of openings for Reid and his shadow staff.

Forget Arizona, Andy! Everything is not up to date in Kansas City!

I’m pulling for Chicago.

Andy Reid and Jay Cutler.

It’s just crazy enough to work.

Lose And Go Home…
Over the last week, I’ve read there’s no statistical evidence for momentum but it’s still easy to picture the staggering Texans falling to the Bengals in the Wildcard round, isn’t it? Houston has the opposite of momentum. They have nomentum. They’ve lost 3 of their last 4 and haven’t really looked the same since their humbling loss to the Patriots. Meanwhile, the Bengals are trending. Back-to-back playoff appearances. 7-1-0 in the second half including wins over divisional rivals Pittsburgh and Baltimore.

We need to respect the science here. Did you know the Bengals were 6-2-0 on the road this year? Did you know they gave up fewer points than the more noticed Texans’ defense? That’s pigskin arithmetic!

Bengals 27, Texans 24

The pigskin consensus seems to be that the Colts have been playing above their talent level for most of the season and they must inevitably regress to the mean at some point. The question then is when. Will they play with any less emotional intensity in their first playoff game for #chuckstrong? Indianapolis won 11 games while scoring 30 fewer points than their opponents over the course of the season. What level of adversity, exactly, will shake this team? Andrew Luck is 26th in Passer Rating, he’s completing just 54% of his passes and he’s thrown 18 interceptions but when the Colts need it most he makes a play. For Baltimore, it all depends on which Ravens team shows up; the team that dismantled the Giants two weeks ago or the team that was deconstructed by the Broncos three weeks ago. The Ravens 4-4-0 second half, with one of those wins coming against the Steelers sans Roethlisberger and another coming in overtime against the Chargers was the very definition of meh. Baltimore’s once feared defense ranked #17 in 2012, the very definition of mediocre. Ray Lewis’ announcement that he will retire after this season is the very definition of desperation.

Okay, I’ll stop that “very definition of” thing now. Sorry.

Where was I?

Oh, yes…

That grating sound you hear is either the creaking joints of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs or Baltimore’s Super Bowl window closing. Perhaps it’s one and the same thing.

Colts 24, Ravens 22

I get the feeling the Packers know what they have to lose and the Vikings don’t.

Vikings 38, Packers 27

Washington is a team of destiny. Seattle is a team of destiny. Destiny, it seems, is a philandering slut.

Skins 27, Seahawks 17

Best Bye Week Ever…
Everybody is “dinged up” at this point in the season but New England probably needed the bye week as much as any team in the playoffs. Thankfully, it looks like Rob Ninkovich will be ready to go a week from Sunday. It’s hard to lose any player having his best season (8 sacks, 5 forced fumbles, 4 fumbles recovered, 1 pass defended and 5 tackles for loss). New England is pretty deep at DE with Trevor Scott, back from suspension Jermaine Cunningham and out of nowhere UDFA rookie DE Justin Francis available but Ninkovich actually has been Mike Vrabel 2.0 this year. More importantly, The Patriots are also hoping the extra time off will help get MLB Brandon Spikes rock and roll solid for the playoffs and get DB’s Aqib Talib and Alfonzo Dennard back on the field so Devin McCourty can return to safety.

Only The Beginning…
If you’ve been watching Patriots’ games this year, you probably took note of the fact that Bill Belichick could often be found not on the sideline but on one knee in front of the defensive bench, flipping through Polaroids, reminding players to set the edge, do their jobs, keep the play in front of them and eat lots of green leafy vegetables. Perhaps that’s because New England fielded one of the youngest defenses in the NFL. Overall, the Patriots are one of the younger teams in the league. I’m not going to go all LeBron on you here but this looks like a team ready to compete for Super Bowls for the next five years – the five years that would carry Tom Brady to his 40th birthday.

I’m just saying…


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