Pigskin Next

Wild Card Weekend was certainly entertaining even if there weren't that many surprises.

Sorry. I just can't call that Giants win an "upset."

And really, did anyone trust the Chargers? Even when they were winning by 27 points? Yeah. That's going to take hours, if not years, of therapy to get over.

But enough of that; it's so last week. We're on to the Divisional Round!

Jaguars vs. Chiefs

Belief is a powerful drug and after last week, these Jaguars of Doug Pederson and Trevor Lawrence are, like Jack Burton, feeling pretty good.

Will that be enough against the Chiefs?

To quote Hamlet: No. 

Aside from delusions of grandeur, what does Jacksonville have going for it in this game? 

Let me think…

The element of surprise?

Probably not. I'm pretty sure the Chiefs know they'll be showing up for the game. Also, Kansas City has Patrick Mahomes. He's very, very good at football. In case you hadn't heard.

The Jaguars need to make zero mistakes, steal a possession or two (or three), and score on special teams if they're going to have a chance to win. Their margin for error in this game can only be measured in microns. 

Self-Congratulatory Note: I didn't actually know what a micron is but it sounded really small so I looked it up and yeah, really, really small. Yeah. Nailed it!

Chiefs 41, Jaguars 19

Giants vs. Eagles

With time accelerating exponentially as be careen through space toward a yet to be announced extinction level event, it isn't hard to see this as a Judgment Day kind of game for the pigskin legacies of Danny "Dimes" Jones and Jalen Hurts, two quarterbacks who have complicated relationships with their fan bases. 

Hey, who hasn't gotten death threats in their Twitter timeline, am I right?

They're too young, you say? I'm too judgy, you say? It's too soon, you say? Well, let me remind you that scientists just figured out how to make nuclear fusion work. Something tells me we aren't going to have to wait for the Sun to explode or Marvin Martian to retrieve the Illudium Q-36 from Bugs Bunny to end planet Earth.

Despite posting career-best numbers in the regular season, I could easily see effigies of Daniel Jones hung from the lamp posts in NYC if the Giants should lose; Giants fans will set those simulacrums on fire if Jones throws a critical interception or loses a fumble that seals a playoff loss. 

Hey, that's how we sports fans roll.

On the other side of this long time NFC East rivalry, I can almost picture Eagles fans setting their own cars on fire in the parking lot to have something to throw their Jalen Hurts jerseys on if the #1 seed in the NFC should stumble and fall in the Division round.

I want to believe in the Giants. The Eagles aren't particularly good defending the run and New York has Saquon Barkley. So, there's that.

On the other hand, the Giants defense is even worse against the run and the Eagles were the 5th best rushing offense during the regular season, right behind the Giants. 

Do not bet on this game.

Eagles 27, Giants 26

Bengals vs. Bills

Both of these teams looked a little shaky in the Wild Card round, nearly losing to teams they should've beaten easily. 

Playoff jitters? 

You wouldn't think so with these two teams, but, nobody is perfect, I suppose. 

Whatever the rationalizations that Bengals and Bills fans have come up with to comfort themselves ahead of what is arguably the marquee match up on the AFC side of the bracket, these two teams strike me as the kind to take the W and move on, anyway.

Bengals: So what if we needed a big man touchdown on one of the strangest plays seen in recent years to pull off a win against a team playing its third string quarterback! We're on to Buffalo, baby!

Bills: Who knew we'd need the Dolphins to fail the Temporal Physics 101 final in order for us to win but hey, we're surfing a gravitational wave through space-time all the way to the Super Bowl! Time to find another table, Bills Mafia!

As for what my pigskin decoder ring says, I don't think what's left of the Bengals O-Line can hold up against the Bills front seven long enough for Joe Burrow to find an open receiver and Cincinnati's defense is facing a much bigger problem than Tyler Huntley in Josh Allen and his amazing simulation of a mustache. 

Just kidding. That mustache didn't look good when he was 17.

Bills 47, Bengals 27

Cowboys vs. 49ers

Full disclosure, I did not see the Cowboys playing that well going into their Wild Card game in Tampa. Remember: Missing four extra points means you scored four touchdowns. That's - even with all things considered - a good thing.

[Music Plays] This NFC rivalry may fade from view from time to time but it never really goes away. The great, classic playoff wins for these two franchises always seems to come one against the other. And we're back for what both of these franchises hope will be one more signature win for NFL Films to replay for their fans' children and children's children. 

I'm still all in on the Niners. I do think they're the better team, but if Dak Prescott plays his best game, the Cowboys will be a tough out.

Quick Aside: I wish no ill toward Brock Purdy - his is a great story in its own right - but I'm working on a movie script where Jimmy Garoppolo comes off the bench for an injured Brock Purdy to win the Super Bowl. That can only happen if…

49ers 38, Cowboys 29

Go football!