So, before the game, I was talking with my son and noted that Washington had just given up two of the better defensive ends at the trade deadline; a pretty clear signal the Commanders were on to 2024. "If the Patriots can't win at home against a team that's already given up," I said, "it's over."
Three and a half hours later, it was.
I mean, unless you think the Patriots are about to go on an 8-game winning streak.
Sadly, I think we're going to see the pigskin band-aid being pulled off very, very slowly and very, very painfully. I just can't see Belichick throwing in the towel. He's like Monty Python's Black Knight. No arms, no legs, and he's still trying to bite your kneecap. And I can't see Kraft firing Belichick during the season, so, get ready for more of what we saw this past Sunday as the Patriots grind out three-point losses marked by questionable decisions and critical mistakes at the worst possible time. With the occasional blowout thrown in for good measure.
This is a bad football team. You can blame Belichick, blame Mac, blame JuJu, blame them all, lament the injuries, or whine about the officials, but whatever the excuse or explanation you feel comfortable believing, it is - as the man says - what it is. As Big Bill once said, you are what your record says you are, and the Patriots have the worst record in the AFC.
This is also a franchise that all other franchises hate, and most with good reason. The Patriots were like the Hatfields, killing all the McCoys, the Clantons, the Medicis, and Tupac over their twenty-ish years of pigskin dominance. Payback may indeed be a bitch but the universe demands balance and bitch better have my money.
In the anything can happen universe where I currently find myself, it is possible New England could run the table and squeak into the playoffs at 10-7-0 and lose badly in the wildcard round.
Yeah.
We're still in denial, are we? Okay, okay. I see some of you have moved onto anger. That's good. You've got to process those feelings before you can move on. I know I'd really like to move on. Let's face it. It's far more likely the Patriots will lose their next 8 games than they are to win even half of those games…
Colts - Highly motivated given the history between these two franchises. Bob Irsay gives a sunburst Fender Stratocaster to every member of the Colts following their win.
Giants - The G-Men have some weird mojo over New England that I don't even want to think about. And if Tyrod Taylor is the starter at QB, well, he's got plenty of receipts from his days with Buffalo.
Chargers - Plenty of franchise-on-franchise crimes between these two franchises as well. Justin Herbert gets the Bill Belichick-sized monkey off his back.
Steelers - Yeah, they hate the Patriots way more than the Colts do in the Steel City. Kenny Pickett, who is objectively terrible at football, will likely set personal bests for completions, yards, and TD passes in this one.
Chiefs - Not only do they hate the Patriots but they're actually very good at football. This won't be a three-point loss.
Broncos - Is your idea of pigskin hell Miami's Hard Rock or Denver's Mile High? Yes, the Broncos are terrible, too. That's what will make this loss all the more tragic. Wait! Can a loss be tragic when you're already 2-12-0? It's only tragic in the Oedipus at the crossroads sense of tragedy, isn't it?
Bills - The Bills are what happens when your little brother grows up to be 2" taller and 20 pounds of muscle heavier than you, with a vivid memory of all the times you kicked his ass playing driveway basketball when he was 2" shorter and 20 pounds lighter than you. Also, Buffalo has to be pissed knowing they were one of only two teams to lose to the Patriots in 2023 and karma is going to be such a bitter bitch in this one. I see Josh Allen taking off the horn-rimmed glasses and going full on Kal-El in this one. Has an opponent ever scored 50+ points on a Bill Belichick team?
Jets - Just thinking about how I'll feel when the weird science project know as Aaron Rodgers throws a game-winning TD in the final seconds that secures a wild-card spot in the playoffs for the NYJ.
Note: I didn't say "spoiler alert" before the breakdown above because, seriously, would any of that surprise you?
At this point, nothing should.
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