There are some people who believe their mere presence on this earth justifies the existence of God. This seems rather egocentric to me. My anecdotal evidence is not compelling. I’m not so sure it would take a supreme being to create some of the people I know; more likely a mischievous demi-god with a truly eccentric sense of humor. Anyway, I heard some chatter on WEEI, the local sports radio station. Apparently, there are people who believe that Jesus is fixing NFL games in order to place Tim Tebow center stage at the Super Bowl to testify because (apparently) Jesus needs the pub. Seriously? Jesus needs to leverage the Super Bowl’s ratings to maximize the marketing opportunity for his brand in Tim Tebow? Really? Whatever happened to the badass dude who would just smite something every now and then? Pillars of fire, floods, frogs, all the first born of Egypt – that guy didn’t need a football game to make his point.
It’s Pretty Awesome
The next four games look pretty awesome. Given my level of excitement going into this weekend I fear I may not survive the conference championships, let alone the Super Bowl.
I hope I mean that figuratively.
I need something to cheer me up…
New Orleans vs. San Francisco – This is kind of like a Sherlock Holmes vs. Dr. James Moriarty sort of game, if Moriarty was a psychotic cobra and Holmes was a genetically altered Mongoose with an enlarged frontal lobe. And the cobra is mutated too, with arms that have veiny bulging muscles and tiny fists that unclench and clench menacingly and a tattoo on the right bicep of a cobra head with blood dripping from its fangs and an inscription that reads, “Mother.”
The Niners have become something of a dark horse darling in the NFC. A big stick defense, Frank Gore and the best punter and field goal kicker in the NFL is an old timey recipe for postseason success. All of that, combined with the strongly held belief that the Saints aren’t as good outdoors as they are in the dome, should propel San Francisco to the conference championship.
I’m just not feeling it. Not after what happened to the Saints in Seattle last year. I don’t think they’ve forgotten it. That’s a game that leaves a mark on you.
Saints 31, 49ers 18
Denver vs. New England – There’s a long tradition of witchcraft and spectral fogs in this part of the country. We believe the spirit world can affect physical reality. You know, like in the second act of “Ghost” when Patrick Swayze’s Sam learns how to make a cat jump on your face. So, it’s no surprise that a few of the locals have talked themselves into the Tebow Prophecy.
Hey, I know it’s easy for the other tribes of Pigskin Nation to see the Patriots as the dark adversary. Bill Belichick in his hoodie. Am I right? And I can see how they would cast Brady as Messala to Tebow’s Judah Ben-Hur. (The hero is always taller in the movie.) From the outside looking in, the Patriots are the black hats in this tragical-comical-historical-pastoral drama.
Maybe Tom Brady isn’t Messala (even if he does have the chin for it). Maybe he’s Jack Bauer. Maybe he’s going to send the Broncos and Tim Tebow to Jack Bauer Hospital.
Patriots 38, Broncos 20
(Still looking for a show to replace “24.” “Person of Interest” just isn’t doing it.)
Houston vs. Baltimore – If you’re a Texans’ fan, how much do you need to drink to stop the little voices in your head that keep shrieking, “Jake Delhomme is a heartbeat away from throwing an ill-timed game-turning interception!”? Given that it’s the Ravens defense on the other side of the ball it’s easy to picture T.J. Yates lying motionless in a Haloti Ngata-shaped hole in the ground, isn’t it? [Cut to Jake Delhomme warming up on the sidelines.] You really should take it easy with that Wild Turkey.
Baltimore 24, Texans 13
New York vs. Green Bay – The Giants are talking trash. Well, not so much trash, really. What do you expect the players to say? Yeah, we’re gonna lose big time in this one. I know its eight and a half points but there’s no way we’ll cover. It’ll be ugly.
No! Nobody wants to hear that.
We’re going to play our best and we feel confident we’ll win.
Not so much trash but still bulletin board material.
So, the Giants think they’re better than us, do they? Well, let me be the first to say, “Welcome to Lambeau, mother fu-”
Meanwhile, the Packers have created their own mythic back story of redemption delayed but not forgotten.
Brace yourself.
The Packers won the Super Bowl last year but they’re still peeved over a playoff game they lost to the Giants – at home – way back when Brett Favre was their quarterback.
As back stories go it is admittedly a bit thin. How many guys on the current roster even played in that game? Not Aaron Rodgers for one. Still, sweet, sweet revenge is always good, no matter how it’s justified. And the Giants would like to go there. 2008 was a very good time for the Giants. The Packers want to party like its MMXII.
Packers 35, Giants 26
All I know for sure is that any deity or deities who may or may not exist and do or do not interact with human beings don't give a festered rat's ass who wins a football game.
ReplyDeleteAnd definitely not a regular season game.
I learned from Groupon the other day that you can buy a toothbrush for your kids that plays a Justin Bieber song while your innocent child is brushing her teeth. I think that settles the argument about the existence of a supreme being.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are right about our beloved Pat's but remember how they played after the bye week in the regular season. I'm rolling out my prayer rug and facing Foxboro just to hedge my bets.
I think you are right on your picks for this weekends games.