The Zoetrope Joke

A time machine appears outside the blacksmith's shop in 1880 Portsmouth. The Blacksmith stops his work, resting his hammer on the anvil and watches as three people exit the time machine; a Doctor, a Lawyer, and an Indian Chief.

My War With Chipmunks

Ironically, "Chip and Dale" were two of my childhood favorite cartoon characters.

Classic 50s "Chip and Dale;" not the lame "Rescue Rangers" reboot.

Now all I can do is wonder how such loathsome, thieving rodents could ever have been made to look cute. Damn you, Walt Disney!

Historical Arguments

If I was a historian, I think I'd be asking myself, "Am I just wasting my time?"

It was said, by someone much smarter than me, that "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." You would think that would make history and historians pretty important and yet, historians appear to be the Cassandra of academics. 

The Dude Entanglement

The Dude abides.

There are movies that I can watch - will watch - any time I happen upon them, regardless of where it is in the narrative. These aren't "I missed the beginning" movies. These are repeated experience "I love this movie" movies.  "The Big Lebowski" is one of those movies. 

Really Real

Is reality so complex, so multifaceted, such a large data sample that it's impossible to tell it from even a poorly constructed fiction?

Or are people just stupid?

I suppose it could be both. 

That's How The Movie Starts

Jimmy was having a bad day.

An Immodest Proposal

I think I have a solution for America's embattled police departments.

Kill some white people.

Hear me out...

Shall I Compare Thee to a Holocaust?

Some things, some people, some historical events should never be used for comparison. 

Best in Cheese

I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches. 

It's been said. By everyone who has ever had one of my grilled cheese sandwiches.

So… Who am I to disagree?

Connections

I'm guessing that "six degrees" thing works for a lot more than just Kevin Bacon.

2184

Is being abducted by aliens really that different than going to Heaven? In both cases, you slip the surly bonds of earth and leave your careworn life behind. No job to go to; no bills to pay. I mean, unless the aliens return you for the deposit. (They probed you for intelligence and found nothing. Hey! That's not where I keep my brain!)  Like the power company is going to believe you were late making your payment because you had a close encounter that took you on a joy ride around the belt of Orion...

Huh. What if Jesus was an alien?

Regression

Are we regressing to the mean or are we flying off on some new variance from the norm to a place that may be wonderful - or terrifying?

Someone should ask the driver.

Someone is driving this metaphoric bus, right?

No?

Death a la Carte

South Carolina has added the death by firing squad option to the menu for condemned prisoners. You know, when they're out of the veal.

Fear

Fear, greed, and fear; the three basic human emotions.

-Pretty sure I'm quoting Hawkeye Pierce from the M*A*S*H TV series; can't believe it didn't make the IMDB Quotes page. 

Hero or Villain

At this point, the biopic of Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. would have to be a trilogy, wouldn't it? Or maybe a long-form, 12-part series on HBO Max.

How many Brady's are we going to need? Childhood Brady, Michigan Brady, First 3 Super Bowls Brady, Wandering the Wilderness (the two losses to the Giants) Brady, the Paterfamilias (and 4 more Super Bowl wins) Brady.

Luckily, Hollywood is full of handsome men of all ages. 

Grown Ups

I've started to wonder, do human beings ever "grow up?"

Hope or Nope

My wife and I will get our second dose of the Moderna vaccine today. 

Unintended Consequences

Has there ever been a novel with more resonance than Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein”? 

Calculations

 I was a child adding machine.

Forgiveness

A good marriage - an enduring marriage - requires forgiveness. From your wife. You will do stupid things, say stupid things, forget non-stupid things because you are a man and your picture is next to the word stupid in the dictionary.

Truth or Lies

I've wondered how it is that people fall for lies, believe in lies, defend the lie, deny any facts that out the lie, happily embrace a new rationale for the lie in those rare circumstances when the original theory of the lie is disproven by observable, ineluctable fact. I'll admit, it's become more of a rhetorical question than a field of study at this point. After all, what is the truth?

Brain Tumors

I worked my entire post-food service life in offices. My first such gig was working as a clerk in the registrar's office of a non-fictional New England college or university. There was a woman who worked there I found to be completely and utterly detestable.

Endings

They say everything ends badly (or else it wouldn't end).

They also say all good things come to an end.

Ergo, all good things end badly.

Or is it that bad things never end?

More importantly, who are they and why do they keep saying these things?

Side Effects Include...

I'm fascinated by the side effects of pharmaceuticals. I've noted in the past that if "coma or death" aren't mentioned, they're just not trying hard enough. (I want to help you so badly I'm willing to kill you to do it!) I'm not even sure what they're treating; psoriatic skin conditions, diabetes, heart conditions, depression? Given the downside (to coma or death), I have to think it isn't male pattern baldness. Erectile dysfunction? Would you risk death just to - wait, what am I saying? Of course you would.

I heard a new one last night: Unusual urges.

The Big Lie

Naming is powerful. It imputes meaning. Something to be taken with serious consideration. That's rarely the case, of course. Branding. Marketing. The Big Lie. It makes it feel shiny and new like a luxury automobile carrying more cameras and compute power than the Apollo 11 lunar lander, or a pasta maker that's also a juicer, or an ointment that makes you look like you're fourteen years old again. Do those side-by-side photos really look different to you? 

When did people become so resistant to facts? 

Like… Always? I see you, Galileo.

Chargebacks and Returns

As a pre-teen in Sunday School, I never got the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Maybe because I was the good son. "What the hell, Dad?!?! You know Eric is a loser!" Well, I didn't say that out loud, of course, because saying "What the heck, Dad?!?!?" really wouldn't have carried the same weight.

I truly was the good son.