An Immodest Proposal

I think I have a solution for America's embattled police departments.

Kill some white people.

Hear me out...

You've got a PR problem (in this case, I mean Public Relations). Right or wrong (I'm not here to judge), the public seems to believe you're all too heavily armed racist a-holes. You're looking down the barrel of a significant re-org that's likely to strip you of power and budget (and that means a lot fewer bullets, not to mention losing those armored vehicles, helicopters, and night vision goggles).

All of this is happening because you keep showing up on TikTok killing young black men for traffic violations. I know. I get it. It's the first step onto that slippery slope of lawlessness and disorder that leads inexorably to the end of western civilization. If we don't draw the line here, then where? Still, I think we can all agree that the optics are terrible.

What then can be done?

Well, you're not going to put a young man with daddy issues and a receding hairline in full body armor, provide him with more operational tech than landed a man on the moon, more killing power than can be found in the trunk of John Wick's car, grant him virtual criminal and civil impunity, and not expect him to find a reason to cap off a few rounds every now and then. So, asking everyone to just chill out until - I don't know - somebody else does or says something stupid (even though that doesn't seem like it would be too long wait) is not really an option. 

No, we're going to need something else...

Are you starting to see it? It practically writes itself…

Kill some white people!

They're still plentiful (despite the country's shifting demographics), it's a safe bet they're carrying (who isn't?), a good bet a few of them are members of a certain secret society, and anecdotally I'd observe there are a fair number of dickwads among them.

Motive. Means. Opportunity.

Did I say it writes itself? I did! Because it does!

I sense your hesitance...

Look, you're not going to have to kill that many white people. Just enough to flip the script, to change the narrative. Once America has seen a few white lawyers and grieving white families on their news channel of choice, the police will stop being seen as racist, and once again be seen for what they really are; the thin blue line that stands between law abiding citizens and a chaotic, dystopian future in which traffic laws are openly mocked and nobody feels safe crossing the street, even with the lights in their favor.

To our brave and misunderstood police officers I say: It's time to save America!

Kill some white people.