Spiders

The Internet is a magical place where you can be looking for one thing when you stumble on to a video of a chicken killing and eating a spider.

Best. Spider. Movie. Ever.

Fear of Drowning

I share one thing with the Hollywood outlaw, The Sundance Kid. I can't swim.

No, wait. Two things. If they made a movie of my life I'd be played by whoever the young Robert Redford is today. Brad Pitt?

Okay, okay. I share one thing with The Sundance Kid. 

Perchance to Dream

After a long night of tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable, can't stop thinking about that thing you said (or did), and finally falling asleep just before the alarm went off, the last thing you want to see when you open up your browser that morning is a link that seems just a little too spot on:

Poor sleep linked to dementia and early death, study finds.

Like I needed scientists to tell me this.

Mortal Manners

Observation: Never make an apology at a funeral.

Cryptic

I'm reminded that Sir Isaac Newton wasn't knighted for his many contributions to science and apple picking; he became Sir Isaac because of his work standardizing Great Britain's currency.

Money. We've always thought it was more important than gravity. Or math. Or the universe.

How many bitcoin in a shilling? Or is that how many shillings in a bitcoin?

Strangers

Did some people have mothers who didn't tell them, "Don't talk to strangers?"

Monster Lovers

I feel like I'm a little bit late to this party - it seems so obvious now - but have you noticed how in every monster movie ever made there's always one character (more often than not the mad scientist to blame for whatever it was that happened in Act 1) who wants to save the monster? They want to stop the shrinking number of humans involved in the narrative from killing it, figure out some way to communicate with it, study it, reanimate the flesh of a dead woman to provide the monster with a mate, maybe move it to a small farm in upstate Vermont.

I'm more of a nuke the site from orbit kind of guy.

Past as Polaroid

Science has developed technology that will allow human beings to see 11 billion years into the past.

Crazy Real

Crazy is its own reality.

The Zoetrope Joke

A time machine appears outside the blacksmith's shop in 1880 Portsmouth. The Blacksmith stops his work, resting his hammer on the anvil and watches as three people exit the time machine; a Doctor, a Lawyer, and an Indian Chief.

My War With Chipmunks

Ironically, "Chip and Dale" were two of my childhood favorite cartoon characters.

Classic 50s "Chip and Dale;" not the lame "Rescue Rangers" reboot.

Now all I can do is wonder how such loathsome, thieving rodents could ever have been made to look cute. Damn you, Walt Disney!

Historical Arguments

If I was a historian, I think I'd be asking myself, "Am I just wasting my time?"

It was said, by someone much smarter than me, that "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." You would think that would make history and historians pretty important and yet, historians appear to be the Cassandra of academics. 

The Dude Entanglement

The Dude abides.

There are movies that I can watch - will watch - any time I happen upon them, regardless of where it is in the narrative. These aren't "I missed the beginning" movies. These are repeated experience "I love this movie" movies.  "The Big Lebowski" is one of those movies. 

Really Real

Is reality so complex, so multifaceted, such a large data sample that it's impossible to tell it from even a poorly constructed fiction?

Or are people just stupid?

I suppose it could be both. 

An Immodest Proposal

I think I have a solution for America's embattled police departments.

Kill some white people.

Hear me out...

Shall I Compare Thee to a Holocaust?

Some things, some people, some historical events should never be used for comparison. 

Best in Cheese

I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches. 

It's been said. By everyone who has ever had one of my grilled cheese sandwiches.

So… Who am I to disagree?

Connections

I'm guessing that "six degrees" thing works for a lot more than just Kevin Bacon.

2184

Is being abducted by aliens really that different than going to Heaven? In both cases, you slip the surly bonds of earth and leave your careworn life behind. No job to go to; no bills to pay. I mean, unless the aliens return you for the deposit. (They probed you for intelligence and found nothing. Hey! That's not where I keep my brain!)  Like the power company is going to believe you were late making your payment because you had a close encounter that took you on a joy ride around the belt of Orion...

Huh. What if Jesus was an alien?

Regression

Are we regressing to the mean or are we flying off on some new variance from the norm to a place that may be wonderful - or terrifying?

Someone should ask the driver.

Someone is driving this metaphoric bus, right?

No?