Fear, greed, and fear; the three basic human emotions.
-Pretty sure I'm quoting Hawkeye Pierce from the M*A*S*H TV series; can't believe it didn't make the IMDB Quotes page.
Fear. More powerful than hope or reason. It sits in the cockpit of the amygdala and drives us into the ditch of life. It cripples and it motivates (and generally speaking, not in a good way). But it's got us to where we are today, so who am I to question it?
It isn't always a bad thing. Take my fear of spiders, for example; a fear that was hard earned in the crawl space under our house in the ironically named Security, Colorado when I was 8-years old. That fear has since served me well. One must be ever vigilant when one's foe has four times as many legs.
These are scary times. Not sure there was a time in human history when that couldn't be said (Vikings! Rats! Falling off the edge of the World!) but it doesn't make our current fears any less real or, you know, scary. What are we afraid of?
Top 10 Fears
Vegetables - If they win the war with meat… I don't want to think about it. Get that double-cheeseburger with bacon while you can.
Masks - Can't live with 'em; can't live without 'em. I think that's what the CDC said.
Spiders - As noted above: 8 legs. Okay, they did make Spider-Man, so, maybe this one is just me.
Trans Girls - They will destroy the sanctity of women's sports! Wait! What? I thought everyone got a ribbon. No?
Elon Musk - He's a James Bond villain trying to corner the market on cryptocurrency in a world without a James Bond. This cannot end well.
Aliens - They're real. And Space Force will not be able to stop them from solving the meat shortage problem on their home planet by turning Earth into an In-N-Out Burger on their intergalactic space highway. Try the Greco-Burger with the yogurt mayo! Heavy smoker lung adds a piquant bitterness that balances the sweetbreads.
Facts - Truth is an agreement but facts are non-fungible tokens. And nobody really knows what NFTs are.
Tom Brady - He can't play till he's 50, can he?
The Book of Revelations - Why are so many people trying to make the Apocalypse happen? You have read to the end of the book, haven't you? Spoiler Alert: Not a happy ending for most of us.
Glass Elevators - Elevators without windows, crowded with other people wasn't scary enough? Claustrophobia + Acrophobia = Who's Paying for the Dry Cleaning? And a new pair of shoes.
No comments:
Post a Comment