Rambling Rationalization

Vickie and I had a wonderful dinner last Sunday with long-time friends Steve and Kathy. Delicious food. I broke the two martini rule. It's more of a guideline, really. As they fellow citizens of Patriots Nation, we naturally spent a good amount of time in alcohol-fueled discussions of Deflategate. We all agreed with Steve that saying Roger Goodell's name is like a game of Marco Polo, only instead of "Polo" the correct response is "Fuck that guy."

We can never forgive the man who, for reasons that can only be described as petty, spiteful, self-aggrandizing, venal, vile, villainous, arbitrary, feckless and despicable, did everything in his power to destroy the reputation of Tom Brady.

Fuck that guy.

 

It seems that truth, justice and the American Way have become illusive concepts, memories or dreams – we can't be sure which – of things that probably never really existed; bitcoins traded by those only concerned with their margins, more often than not at the expense of those still desperate to believe.

Maybe I'm a fool for believing Tom Brady is innocent or maybe at this point in my life I've lost too many heroes to salacious and opportunistic biographers to give up another but I just can't get on the "they more than likely did something" bus when the Wells Report (logo gauge + Ideal Gas Law = 12.5 PSI) gives me a free seat on the "they more than likely did nothing" bus. I know Brady's appeal is still pending and if his suspension isn't overturned Brady and the NFLPA will take the NFL to court but I also know none of that matters. When the greatest quarterback in NFL history is debated, you know how it's going to play.

That Guy: "Yeah, but Joe never cheated."

By the way, there are a few correct responses:

·        That you know of.

·        Weren't the footballs made out of actual pig skins back then?

·        Maybe Joe didn't, but Jerry did.

Fear, Loathing, Jealousy and Homicidal Rage

Perhaps it's time to start taking some perverse pride in the fact that whatever it is, whenever it happens, if it involves the Patriots, it's a big, big deal.

New England has made a mockery of the myth of parity. Over the past 14 seasons, the Patriots have won the AFC East 12 times, played in 9 AFC Championship games and made it to the Super Bowl 6 times, winning 4 Lombardy Trophies. That isn't just remarkable; it isn't even supposed to be possible.

Quick Aside: Parity is a myth, of course. It imputes far too much power to the salary cap as a leveler of the playing field. The influence of coaching, offensive and defensive philosophies and talent evaluation are discounted. After all, the fundamentals of the game are the same, regardless (right?). It will be the draft that shapes an environment where any team can win the Super Bowl! Which again assumes nobody would ever be foolish enough to waste a 1st round pick on Ryan Leaf or JaMarcus Russell? Oh, right. That happened. The fact is, like any market, some are better at NFL football than others. If Bill Belichick isn't the best head coach in football, then he's certainly in the conversation. The field usually tips in his direction on Sundays (and occasionally Mondays and Thursdays). If you don't think Tom Brady is the greatest of all time, well, that's fine. Really. Whatever. It's a team sport and he'd probably be the first to say so but Brady – unless he has a horrible back nine to his career – will be the winningest QB in NFL history when he hangs them up. Keeping it Simple: Brady is pretty good at this football thing. Having the better QB on the field tips the field even further in the Patriots favor every Sunday (and occasionally Mondays and Thursdays). [Feel free right here to add a sarcastic sneer and if you have one, a British accent.] Until every team in the NFL has a head coach as good as Belichick and a QB as good as Brady, they've got negative parity.

Despite this pigskin hegemony of the Patriots, apologists for Goodell and the Deflategate judgment have offered up the notion that it isn't all about jealousy, discrediting that "they hate us cause they ain't us" as doggerel rationalization of the lowest order (though it's considerably better than the unequivocally NSFW version of "There once was a man from Nantucket). There are good, rational fans throughout the NFL 'verse, they argue. Maybe those good, rational fans have a good, rational point. After all, there's a Patriots team picture next to the word "cheaters" in the dictionary (see also, Spygate). Am I right? Hello? Is this thing on? But consider this, my fellow Patriots fans: In the paragraph above, substitute "Jets" for "Patriots" and "New York" for "New England."

Think about how you would feel if the last 14 years had played out differently.

Quick Aside: Would you trade living these last 14 years – starting over with everything you know now – if it came with a reversal of fortunes for the Jets and Patriots? Actually, that might make for a great episodic television show. A Bostonian with old money makes a deal with a sexy, soul-sucking demon for extra life but in the bargain he must trade his old sports fan's life for one that has Bill Belichick staying in the Big Apple and Tom Brady playing for the Jets. Imagine the first Super Bowl played after 9/11 featuring at team from New York City that was 14 point underdogs but won on a last second field goal. Anyway, this Bostonian – let's call him Geoff Steele, a handsome ne'er-do-well whose been living off his ineffable style, good looks and the family fortune but he's a surfer and a black belt in Karate so he's in great, shirt-off shape – has an epiphany when he realizes what he has done. He then does everything he can (episode to episode) to stop all the bad things that happened over the past 14 years, all the while enduring his Patriots humbled before a Jets dynasty hailed by all for its awesomeness. The TV show could be like "The Incredible Hulk" or "Then Came Bronson" where our anti-hero goes from town to town (metaphorically) to change lives and do enough property damage that he really has to move on to the next town (metaphorically).

Where was I? Ah, yes…

Think about how you would feel if the last 14 years had played out differently (vis a vis the Patriots and Jets).

I would be blind with unredeemable rage, my head filled with the dissonant buzzing of a thousand angry hornets making any rational thought impossible. Must. Stop. Buzzing! The conspiracy theories I would author regarding this fictional Jets imperium would make Glenn Beck blush. Why won't they stop!

And yes, I like to think of myself as good and rational.

The Patriots' accomplishments may one day have an objective place in NFL history next to the roided out champs and the salary cap bending champs in that special wing at Canton, the multi-ring club. One day.

Today though, for most football fans, the divisional, conference and Super Bowl wins read more like a rap sheet with multiple counts of theft, running the long con, fixing the Kentucky Derby (Brady is always there – coincidence?) and running a floating three-card Monte game out of Gronk's party bus. I'm not sure there's a rational argument that will change that anyone's mind on that.

Depending on how many more years Brady plays, he might still be a first-ballot hall of famer. If that's a thing. It seems to be the consensus of the gridiron cognoscenti that Brady's bust in Canton is all but assured, whatever the case.

Is it small of me to think: So, that's what you want to chip off Brady's node on the pigskin Rushmore, is it? Not a first-ballot guy. How pathetic would such a rebuke be? Tom Brady doesn't meet my lofty standards, you see. Look at me! Wheeeeee! Vote him in, don't vote him in but don't try to make this a drama starring you, okay?

So.

Should I just smile knowingly whenever Deflategate comes up? Whenever Brady's place in NFL's history is questioned or qualified? I need to figure out what my happy place is so I can go there whenever I need to.

Oh and Roger Goodell?

Fuck that guy.