All Apologies

"The Patriots have so far gone undisciplined for their role in Deflategate…"

-      from BleacherReport's Deflategate Investigation: Latest Details, Comments, Reaction

For people who use words for a living, going with "so far gone undisciplined" instead of "yet to be found guilty of wrongdoing" tells me everything I need to know about their not-so-hidden agenda.

In response to Robert Kraft's pre-Super Bowl press conference in which the Patriots' owner demanded an apology from the NFL when – not if – New England was – finally – cleared of any malfeasance in Deflategate, Commissioner Roger Goodell has maintained (as recently as a few days ago) his former BFF shouldn't hold his breath.

Just doing his job.

This argument would carry more weight with me if the NFL had acted as expeditiously as they did in delivering a warning to the Minnesota Vikings who were caught red-handed tampering with footballs, using sideline heaters to warm their game balls. Ironically, the Vikings' actions may have kept those game balls from falling below the minimum 12.5 PSI marker, the infraction the Patriots "have so far gone undisciplined for."

That is, if you believe in science.

It's unsurprising pigskin pundits and bobbleheads haven't asked Goodell the obvious follow up question to his no apologies response: Does the League owe the Patriots an apology for the leaks that traded on the 7-year old Spygate scandal and discredited New England's AFC Championship win without any proof of wrongdoing?

Pigskin pundits and bobbleheads need to protect their sources. So called leaks are just good investigative journalism, am I right?

Whatever.

At this point, the Wells Report on Deflategate is bound to be a bigger letdown than the Meriweather-Pacquiao "fight of the century." We can only be thankful we didn't have to wait five years for the Wells Report.

I know I'll be disappointed.

Even if New England is cleared completely, nothing to see here, no fines, no strongly worded reprimand, nothing, nada, bupkis, the perception will remain – thanks in part to the duration of the investigation – that the Patriots are cheaters. After all, Spygate is nearly 8 years in the rear view at this point and it's still a veritable cottage industry for internet trolls.

If the Notorious NEP are hit with even the rule minimum fine of $25K based solely on the measurements taken at halftime of the AFCCG I'll probably have to spend a week in media blackout.

I doubt the Wells Investigation found any evidence the Colts tampered with the Patriots' game ball on their sideline after the D'Qwell Jackson interception, even if that's the only football that was a full 2.0 PSI underinflated. It’s one thing to accuse the Patriots of cheating based on circumstantial evidence but accusing any of the other 31 franchises of cheating is simply ludicrous. After all, cheating requires a comprehensive understanding of the rule book, creative thinking and detailed planning. Who would believe that of the Colts? Or Ravens?

I doubt the Wells Investigation found any evidence of a sting set up by Colts GM Ryan Grigson and Goodell house-elf Mike Kensil that risked the integrity of the game in a bungled attempt to gain the Super Bowl via forfeit when they knew Indianapolis had no chance to win the game on the field.

Quick Aside: Let me take this opportunity to thank Grigson for not drafting Malcom Brown (or any other defensive linemen in the first two rounds of the draft). I'm looking forward to LeGarrette Blount setting a single game record for rushing yards in the 73-0 win by the Patriots this coming October. Quick question: How will the Colts explain all that crowd noise when the stadium is half empty midway through the 3rd quarter?

I doubt the Wells Investigation will find fault with the officials but may have to recommend changes to protocols for how game balls are handled in the future. You know, to prevent teams from cheating like the Patriots. First things first, the league should mandate younger locker room attendants with better bladder control. Holding it for five hours should become part of the job description. I know the league can't afford cameras on the goal line but can they afford cameras in the bathrooms?

Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe the Colts and Grigson will be fined like the Patriots and Belichick were for Spygate and lose their #1 pick in the 2016 draft. Maybe Mike Kensil will be fired.

Maybe Goodell will have to apologize.

Yeah, right.

All Apologies