Mike Florio didn't tell us anything we didn't already know about "Deflategate." It was a hit job, a frame up, that ignored science in favor of conspiracy theory. Cold temperatures make things shrink (and not just footballs). We all knew that even before learning that scientists, as they do, had a name for it: The Ideal Gas Law. Florio does name names, but for those of us in New England who already had Troy Vincent and Jeff Pash on our list of people we hope to meet in Hell, again, not surprised. Still, there is one question I have about "Deflategate" that hasn't been answered.
Why?
"Deflategate" was an orchestrated effort - granted, with Police Academy 5-level ineptitude - by the NFL against Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr., in which they set out to destroy his integrity as an athlete and credibility as a champion.
Why?
I get that there's no such thing as bad publicity and that we live in a word cloud reality where we only pay attention to those words in 60-point type, but, openly questioning the integrity of a player who was arguably the GOAT back in 2014 (when he had just 3 Lombardi Trophies to his name), not to mention the legitimacy of the outcome of every game played by Brady, seems, well, counterintuitive.
So, yeah.
Why do that?
The Jonathan E Theory
In "Rollerball," Jonathan E is asked to retire because, against all odds, he has transcended the sport he plays (sound familiar?). It's a cautionary tale about corporate politics and individuality, a futuristic dystopia in which sports are the opiate of the masses and athletes alternately play the roles of lions and Christians in the coliseum. Jonathan E refuses to heed his corporate masters, who fear the hero, and what he means to the mob.
Tom Brady was breaking the NFL. The game of professional football is designed for parity (parity, n: that crazy idea that one day the Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl). What Tom Brady was doing was never supposed to happen. It had to be stopped.
At least the NFL didn't kill Rob Gronkowski to make their point to Tommy B.
Also, it didn't work.
Unless having Brady win four more Super Bowls was the plan all along.
The Yes They Are That Stupid Theory
As the great Dr. Hunter S. Thompson once noted, we all like to think we're the victims of some intricate, Machiavellian plot when it's usually just simple-minded bone headedness at work.
You might think the executives working for a billion dollar enterprise (or the elected leaders of this country) are smart and honorable people.
That's what's known as "wishful thinking."
People are dumb and selfish.
Has Roger Goodell ever done or said anything to make you believe he isn't?
The WAGs Problem Theory
Men get tired of hearing their wife/girlfriend say things like, "I wonder what it would be like to be Giselle Bundchen for a day" or asking repeatedly if Ben Affleck was ever good-looking enough to play Brady in the biopic or always picking Brady to fuck when playing fuck, marry, kill. She named her vibrator "Touchdown Tommy." Hearing her say, "But I married you," becomes less and less reassuring over time.
Roger Goodell never struck me as a man supremely confident in his own manhood. He seems more like the guy who got his balls taped by the football team in junior high. I'm not saying that if that allegedly happened that it was allegedly justified but seeing the alleged man he's become I kind of think it probably allegedly was.
Anyway, the point is that Tom Brady is kind of dreamy and your wife/girlfriend knows it.
If you could do something about it, you probably allegedly would.
The Russian Cyber Attack Theory
I know it sounds crazy but don't forget (a) we're talking about Vladimir Putin and (b) we're talking about a country that believes Hillary Clinton eats babies and that Aaron Rodgers beat COVID-19 (but not the 49ers) because he did his own research.
Imagine for a moment, Putin in his underground lair, shirtless, asking his Magic Mirror who is the greatest of them all and seeing Brady's face smirking back at him. Now, poison is Putin's "go to" solution in cases like this but simply killing Brady wouldn't be enough; he needs to destroy him, to ensure Brady will never be thought of as the GOAT. The solution: Fabricate "evidence" that Tom Brady is a cheater! And it will be easy to dupe a country that doesn't believe in science, math, facts... Huh. This might even work for a presidential election, too!
Brilliant!
Unfortunately for Putin (and luckily for Tom Brady), a super villain is only as good as his henchmen.
The Truth is Still Putting its Boots On Reality
It ultimately doesn't matter why. It changes nothing. I will never get those four Tom Brady games back. The Patriots won't be given back the draft pick they lost. And the million dollars in fines is just pocket money for a billionaire so, whatevs, I guess. Goodell will continue with the lies. The league will never apologize to Brady or the Patriots.
Five years from now, the greatest to ever play the game will not be a unanimous, first ballot selection for the Hall of Fame and those who do not vote for him will use "Deflategate" to justify their actions. They will cite their feeling that something happened.
The lie is halfway around the world before the truth has put its boots on: There will always be people who believe Brady cheated.
Roger Goodell and the NFL made that happen.
Why?
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