Cheating Cheaters from Cheatertonia

I don’t know if you’ve heard this before but the Patriots are cheaters.  True story.  Bill Belichick is an evil, amoral, sadistic, godless, ruthless (where’s Ruth?) creature whose only joy in life is crushing your childlike belief in the notion that cheaters never win and a winner never cheats.  He cares nothing for fair play, Jesus or if that was your bologna and pepper-jack cheese sandwich in the lunchroom fridge even if you wrote your name on the bag.  He eats kittens for breakfast.  Belichick and his minions, Brady, Matt Light, Vince Wilfork, Jerod Mayo, Gronkowski and the rest, relax in whirlpools filled with kitten blood.  And anyone who has ever seen even one episode of “Scooby Doo” knows Robert Kraft is really Old Man Smithers in a rubber Robert Kraft mask.

That video is just one more example of Jim “Whammy” Nantz’s ability to jinx athletes.  Note the “16 for 16” comment, just before the snap.  Cundiff never had a chance. 

Where was I?  Oh, right.  Cheaters.

I know it’s only Deadspin but I was taken by this in their piece on the botched Billy Cundiff field goal attempt and the “controversy” over the down and distance on the scoreboard:

“Was the error on the Gillette Stadium board an honest mistake made by a confused Patriots employee? Or were there darker forces at work here—a little Belichickian Machiavellianism to confuse the opposition with a Super Bowl berth on the line?”

Now, here’s why I decided to embrace the hate. 

Think about it. 

Bill Belichick’s game planning is so extensive that he had a scoreboard technician prepared for this opportunity, should it arise, which it did!

Kittens notwithstanding, that is simply brilliant.  I mean, who could’ve even considered the scenario that unfolded in the final minute of the AFC Championship?  A fumble out of bounds – is it a first down?  Yes?  No?  The ball returns to the spot of the fumble.  What’s the down and distance?  This is the moment you’ve been waiting for, scoreboard technician!  We have them right where we want them!  Billy Cundiff will be like putty in our scheming hands!  It’s go time for Operation Get Down Tonight.

Bwahahahahahahaha!

It makes you wonder.

How does this guy ever lose?