Hurt My Feelings

So Roger Goodell is butt-hurt over the Patriots enjoying their post-Deflategate Super Bowl win just a little too much at his expense. First, Robert Kraft relished the moment a little too much, calling everyone's attention to what's "transpired in the last two years" after receiving the Lombardi Trophy. Sweet. And savory. Then defensive coordinator Matt Patricia was photographed wearing the Barstool Sports t-shirt, literally clowning Goodell.

Let me just start with…

Well, he started it!

Seriously, who knew Roger Goodell had feelings? I admit it came as something of a surprise to me. Despite all the public, bald-faced lies, I've never seen the man blush. He's incapable of shame so I just figured, you know, zero affect. Not only that, he's apparently an idiot. He was the hanging judge who presided over the kangaroo court that convicted Tom Brady as a liar and a cheat based on a year old text message, rather than accept the scientific evidence that exonerated Brady.

He thinks the Patriots and their fans are ever going to forget that?

That is never going to happen.

And here's the thing. The Patriots and Tom Brady now give zero fucks when it comes to Deflategate. Brady can never get those four games back. That first round draft pick is gone. I suppose the league could refund the $1,000,000.00 fine but that's not going to happen either. The Deflategate scab will be picked one more time in the 4th round of this year's NFL draft. The win in Super Bowl 51 doesn't make any of those things go away. It doesn't wipe the slate clean. The Patriots and Patriots Nation will never be even and will never miss any opportunity to take a shot at Goodell. It is what it is, as the philosopher once said.

At this point - and for the same reasons, really - Goodell and the league office can never admit they got it wrong. They'll continue to tell the lies about the Wells Report being an independent investigation, that the courts validated their judgment against Brady and that they have no idea why that check tire pressure light on the dashboard of their Lexus GX 460 comes on in the winter.

Does Goodell think Patriots Nation is ready to welcome him back to Gillette Stadium?

Come to Foxborough, Roger! All is forgiven! Have a Sam and a slice!

No. Just no. We hate you, man. That will never change. The Patriots could win the next four Super Bowls and you would still be booed when you handed the Lombardi Trophy to Robert Kraft. Your 70-year old self could be handing the Lombardi Trophy to Jonathan Kraft and we would still be booing you. When you are dead and buried, Patriots fans will sneak into the cemetery to take a dump on your grave.  

We can't forget and we're not going to forgive. Knowing it hurts your feelings only makes it more delicious.

For someone who's supposed to be good at marketing, it's a surprise (wait - forgot - idiot) he's getting this so wrong. When he was booed at the Super Bowl he should've smiled and waved to let us know he's in on the joke, maybe even given a raise the roof gesture. Okay, Goodell is way too white for that. That would not be cool.

I wonder if he thought seeking out Tom Brady and shaking Brady's hand would make him look like he was taking the high road. Both Kraft and Brady seemed to dismiss Goodell's presence immediately and unequivocally once their brief interactions were complete. There was a palpable sense of icy finality in Kraft's body language as he turned away from Goodell once he had the Lombardi Trophy in his hands. Brady's hand shake with Goodell read like a man running into his wife's ex at a party. Look into my eyes. It's only the other people here that are keeping me from tearing off your arm at the shoulder and beating you to death with it.

Okay, Goodell probably should've done exactly what he did at the Super Bowl. Hand over the trophy, then step back and exit, stage left.

But leaking the news that you're all butt-hurt over Kraft's comments or Matt Patricia's sartorial choices (a man who only looks good standing next to Bill Belichick)?

No. Just no. Say nothing. You're only giving us another reason. You're making it worse and it's going to be bad enough as it is.

Because Deflategate is never going away. Take it from a fan base that knows. Spygate never went away. We're still hearing about it ten years later (ten years!). In fact, Roger, you breathed new life into Spygate with Deflategate when you justified the draconian punishments of Deflategate in part because of the Patriots recidivist line stepping.

Nothing goes away in the digital age.

The trolls and haters will never let us forget.

Super Bowl 51 will never let us forget.

And you started it.