I didn’t think the herd was this easy to spook.
Maybe we’ve all become hypersensitive to doom.
Maybe we’re addicted to fear.
Flight. Fight.
Some or all of the above.
Meet the New Boss
How many teams are replacing their opening day starter with their QB of the Future this week? I suppose it’s only three (at best) if you include that “QB of the Future” qualifier. It’s hard to think of John Beck as a QB of the Future. He’s 30 already. Then again, I’m counting Carson Palmer and he’ll turn 32 in December. Let’s say its four Quarterbacks of the Future starting in Week 7.
Not sure if it is but it sure seems like a lot.
Our Long Midwestern Nightmare is Over
Carson Palmer has been ransomed by the Oakland Raiders and freed from the stockades of Cincinnati. Reports are that he will be starting this Sunday. First thought? If Kyle Boller is that bad (and he is), why do you even have him on the roster as your backup quarterback? Seriously, you told yourself that Kyle Boller is one of the 64 best quarterbacks on the planet?
Kind of calls your entire personnel evaluation process into question.
So…
Carson Palmer?
Whaddayagot? Aging, future Hall of Pretty Good quarterback who has thrown 20 INTs in two of his seven years in the NFL or Jim Plunkett 2.0? I suppose it’s worth noting that Plunkett threw more than 20 INTs in two of his first seven seasons before joining the Raiders and winning two Super Bowls. I know if I was a Raiders fan I’d be chanting that like a Vedic mantra. I might have it tattooed on my ass. With Carson Palmer’s face on the other cheek.
I don’t know if I’d go Jim Plunkett 2.0 but I do think Carson Palmer is a good match for the Raiders offensive scheme. Darren McFadden is an elite running back; he puts up big numbers and sets up play-action. Palmer still throws a nice long ball and Oakland has speed on the outside with Darius Heyward-Bey, Jacoby Ford and rookie Denarius Moore. It’s old-timey Raiders football, really. Run off tackle. Throw deep.
Did Oakland give up too much for Palmer? Time will tell, of course. Should the Raiders get into the playoffs, I’ve got to think there are plenty of Raiders fans who will be fine with the deal. (Definitely that guy with that tattoo of Palmer’s face on his ass.) When you remember that they’re really paying for that Kyle Boller mistake, they’re getting off easy if you ask me.
At minimum, if you thought the Raiders were playoff contenders with Jason Campbell, you’ve got to like them with Carson Palmer.
Tebow!
If I was told that I couldn’t have Tom Brady quarterback the Patriots…
Sorry, I just need a little break here. I need to call my doctor and ask him if I’m healthy enough to have sex. If I’m healthy enough to have sex I’ll be healthy enough to survive this post-Brady premise – Yes, I’ll hold… [A string quartet plays R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion”… That’s me in the corner, that’s me – Yes?]
Okay, I can’t get in to see my doctor till next Monday… Let’s risk it…
If I was told that I couldn’t have Tom Brady quarterback the Patriots but I could have any other quarterback I wanted, I would choose Tim Tebow.
He’s athletic, exuberant, unpredictable and as big as a tight end. He has an unshakeable faith that God put him on this planet to play football. He would square up Satan and truck him like John Riggins trucked Don McNeal on his way to the end zone. I’d have him run the football 15 times a game. I’d roll him out so he only has to read half the field and there’s always the threat that he’ll run the ball.
Tebow!
The Inevitability of the Inevitable
So, I have to agree with Donovan McNabb. It’s a surprise the Vikings decided to change starting quarterbacks and go with Alleged Franchise QB Christian Ponder. This week.
Against Green Bay.
Then again, Christian Ponder is going to have to face the Packers twice a year if he becomes the Vikings starting QB. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. He’s still got Adrian Peterson to hand off to and could he really be worse than McNabb has been?
Well, yes, that is a possible future. Again, might as well find out sooner rather than later.
Good people of Minnesota, embrace the suck. It’s over. Your football team will finish in last place in its division. 3-13-0 is your best case scenario. The pressure is off. You can focus all your energy on rooting for whoever is playing the Packers. Roll with it.
I can’t figure out what it is that’s going on in Mike Shanahan’s head. The man scares me. Those eyes are crazy, right? That’s not just me, is it? And those teeth have torn human flesh. Am I wrong?
Anyway, everyone said two things about the Redskins quarterbacks in camp. First, everyone said the Shanahans liked John Beck. Second, everyone said that Rex Grossman would eventually rip the still beating heart from your chest and throw it into double coverage.
So why did they start Grossman in the first place? One bad preseason game from Beck? Did you hear about the heart thing?
Then Grossman quarterbacks Washington to a 3-1-0 record before, you know, the heart thing happens.
Here’s the thing. Last Sunday was the first time John Beck played in a regular season game since 2007. In 2007 he was decidedly mediocre. Small data sample (5 games), I suppose.
I’ll give John Beck this. He’s no Kyle Boller. And yeah, that’s the best I got.
Roll Credits!
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