I'd thought I'd reached some zenned out bliss when it came to the trolls and the haters. I could follow Tom Brady's lead and just be a positive guy when they called my boys cheaters, when they dug Spygate out from under the rock where they keep it, or mentioned the Helmet Catch, when the flat-earthers insisted footballs can't naturally deflate in cold weather.
Like Brady, I'd be a positive guy. I'd just smile. And wave. Or flash the peace sign.
Just one problem.
That's not me.
I thought about reading "The Four Agreements" but I read "The Celestine Prophecy" back in the day and I read "Siddhartha" in college and I grew up in the Lutheran church and all that taught me was that when it comes to spiritual journeys, I'm not going.
That's not me.
I'm moody and bitter and I live in a random, godless, brutal universe (and yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones). I want to believe that what goes around comes around, but even Justin Timberlake couldn't convince me of that. I want to fill that tall, icy-cold glass of shut the hell up right to the brim and I don't want to set it down in front of the trolls and the haters, I want to throw it in their faces.
Today I finally realized I can do that.
Yesterday my son and I sat down to watch Super Bowl 51 again. I had recorded it and while I'd seen highlights, and turning points and the all 466 yards video, we wanted to watch it again from its bitter beginning all the way through to its incredible ending. Before we started, I admitted to my son that I'd had a moment of Philip K. Dickian fear; if I watched the game again, it would instead end in the Falcons rout that seemed so certain midway through the 3rd quarter. That didn't happen, of course. The Patriots won. That's when it finally hit me a full two weeks after the fact. Tom Brady will always lead the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. New England will always win the first overtime game in Super Bowl history.
When the trolls and the haters jump onto a comment board with the usual Spygate asterisks or some lame Deflategate pun I will smile. And I'll say…
"Super Bowl 51, though.
"Biggest comeback in Super Bowl history.
"First overtime game in Super Bowl history.
"Every Greatest Game in NFL History list is going to have SB51 on the list from now till Super Bowl 100 and beyond. NFL Network will be showing replays for decades to come.
"And every time they show it, the Patriots will win.
"You think Spygate had legs?
"They're writing a book and making a movie about Tom Brady coming back from Deflategate to win the big game for his mom. For his mom, bro. Meryl Streep will play his cancer-battling mother in the movie. Jeff Bridges will play Belichick as a dark Lebowski, William Hurt will play Goodell as a simpering ponce, Chris Pine will play Brady because he's the handsomest actor I can think of, Jake Gyllenhaal will play Edelman (if you saw him in "Everest" you know he's got the beard for it) and Morgan Freeman will play Ivan Fears because I've got to have Morgan Freeman in this movie! The film will win the SAG award for best movie ensemble. It will break box office records. It will win six Oscars including best picture, best sound editing and best supporting actress (because Meryl Streep, of course). It will be hailed as the greatest sports movie of all time. In five years it will be on TNT three times a week.
"And every time they show that movie, the Patriots will win.
"Five rings and four MVPs for Brady. Seven rings for Belichick. The only argument left is who's the second greatest of all time."
Then maybe I'll smile.
And wave. Or flash the peace sign.
Well, half of it.
Then definitely, yeah, I'll smile.
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