We're down to hours. The big game is almost upon us. Guacamole will be dipped. Lucky chili will be eaten. Drinks will be drunk.
And if you need any encouragement, I can offer the following…
Here are a few "take a drink every time you hear…" prop bets for SB51.
Julian Edelman was a quarterback in college…
You can count the people who don't know this on one hand but I still expect the Akron Zips to get a shout out in SB51. I'll set the over/under at 1.5. Given this is Jules' 8th year in the league I don't expect it will be a recurring theme Sunday night.
Two drinks if Edelman's brief stint at defensive back is also mentioned.
Chris Hogan played lacrosse in college…
As with Edelman, anyone with even a passing familiarity with professional football knows this but I'm going to set the over/under on lacrosse mentions at 3.5. Expect a "the former college lacrosse player…" if Hogan catches a TD pass.
Two drinks if it's also noted that lacrosse is actually Bill Belichick's favorite sport.
Pats Undefeated with Dion Lewis
Another story that has been told with some regularity since Lewis' midseason return to the Patriots lineup. I think the Patriots like LeGarrette Blount better for this game but Lewis will certainly get some snaps. I'll put the over/under at 1.5.
Belichick Wouldn't Have Drafted Julio Jones
This is actually not true or at the very least an oversimplification but it be mentioned each and every time Julio Jones catches a pass Sunday night. "And the man Bill Belichick wouldn't draft makes another circus catch!"
What Belichick was advising Thomas Dimitroff was not to give up all that draft capital for one player.
Let's set the over/under on this one at 4.5. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman can't mention it for every catch Jones makes, can they? Okay, move that line to 6.5.
Two drinks if Joe Buck mentions Belichick drafting Chad Jackson. Who? Exactly.
Trump
Given the NFL scrubbing any mention of Donald J. Trump from Super Bowl week transcripts, I'm going to set the over/under at 0.5. I'd still be tempted to take the over. This is, after all, a chance to vilify the Patriots, and specifically Trump's superfriends, Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Who in the national media is going to pass up that chance?
Quick Aside: I've never rooted for a team or player because of politics. Yes, this has been a difficult circle for me to square but I will say this: We have no idea who Kraft, Belichick and Brady actually voted for any more than we know who Arthur Blank, Dan Quinn and Matt Ryan actually voted for. (Let's not forget Robert Kraft is also famously friends with Elton John.) I get that blaming the Patriots has become an involuntary reflex for pigskin pundits and bobbleheads but there is only one man responsible for the on-going deconstruction of American democracy and that is Donald J. Trump. Stepping off my soapbox now.
Speaking of vilification…
Spygate/Deflategate/Cheating
While combining these seems like a recipe for alcohol poisoning, it's also hard to separate them.
Maybe it's actually safer to combine them as they're likely to be mentioned in combination. If you hear something like "Of course, this Patriots dynasty will always be questioned because of Spygate, Deflategate, the alleged culture of cheating - or line stepping if you prefer that term…" If you separated them, that's three drinks right there! It's going to bad enough dealing with the individual mentions of Deflategate.
I'm going to set the over/under at 5.5.
Two drinks if early onset CTE victim Marshall Faulk's "beliefs" that the Patriots taped the Rams walkthrough before SB36 is mentioned.
Brady vs. Goodell
I take Brady at his word. Goodell and Deflategate are in his rear view. Besides, does he really need more motivation than winning the Super Bowl? Than winning a 5th Super Bowl? Yes, Tom Brady is human and if New England wins and if he is voted Super Bowl MVP (knocking on wood) you'd have to think we might see that famously arrogant smirk cross Brady's face when Goodell hands him the trophy.
The gridiron cognoscenti have been longing for that awkward moment for months while conveniently forgetting that we already had it after SB49. Granted, that moment two years ago as Goodell gave Brady the MVP award seemed more uncomfortable than awkward. Deflategate hadn't played out in all it tortuous vainglory, Brady hadn't served his four-game suspension for general awareness and the 5th grade science fair experiments proving the Ideal Gas Law and exonerating Tom Brady hadn't given way to the traditional vinegar, baking soda and food coloring volcanoes.
2016 was supposedly Brady's revenge tour. In retrospect, it all seems like a plot borrowed from professional wrestling, with Roger Goodell "avoiding" Gillette Stadium (rather than cowardice or shame - we know Goodell is incapable of feeling shame - think of this as a purposeful ploy to fuel the narrative) while Brady authors one of the great regular seasons of his storied career. MVP? Not with that four-game suspension limiting him to 12 games! It's all led up to this King of the Rings, Pigskinmania 51, once in a lifetime event with Goodell in the role of Vince McMahon and Brady as Stone Cold Steve Austin. Without Brady vs. Goodell, how much cachet does a Patriots vs. Falcons Super Bowl have? The NFL has seen a dip in ratings during the regular season; how much would the lowest rated Super Bowl in a decade hurt the Shield?
I'm surprised this hasn't been more of a storyline in the run up to SB51.
I'll set the over/under at 3.5.
Belichick is Actually a Pigskin Hooker with a Heart of Gold
The Darth Hoodie persona has been well documented, as has Belichick's "Get off my lawn!" approach to press conferences. With Belichick on the precipice of history, I expect we'll hear about Belichick's human side, his "behind closed doors" relationships with his coaches and players, maybe a clip or two of lighter moments from media week or even from some of his famously terse press conferences.
Okay, I just spent ten minutes searching the internet for funny moments/quotes from Bill Belichick pressers. I came up empty.
Still, I'm setting the over/under at 2.5 attempts on the part of Buck and Aikman to humanize Bill Belichick.
Two drinks if Jon Bon Jovi is mentioned. Three drinks if they show the PBJ video.
Brady Legacy/GOAT
This is bound to get a lot of play, especially if the Patriots are fortunate enough to win. I expect it will get mentions even if the Patriots are losing, as in, "This one game will not define Tom Brady's legacy."
Even if the GOAT is qualified with "possibly" or "arguably" or "maybe" it still counts.
So I'm going with an over/under of 9.5 and I'm definitely taking the over.
Go Pats!
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