The Fault Lies Not in Our Stars But in Those Who Have Sex With Them

Groupies are everywhere and yet there don’t appear to be groupies for IT department mid-level factotum. Maybe it’s the office without windows. Hard to be seen by the trolling groupies when you don’t have a window.

I Know What Unacceptable Means

For those of us who were wondering, we now know everyone – including Norv Turner – knows the way the San Diego Chargers play football is unacceptable. Now that we have that out of the way, we can move on to assigning blame. I personally blame Tom Cruise for everything. I’m not sure what he had to do with this, but with this latest failure by the Chargers, isn’t it time something was done about Tom Cruise?

Truth or Consequences

I haven’t stopped smiling since 11:30pm Tuesday night. I’m capping off five days of electoral afterglow with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, bagels and – yes – donuts as I watch the Sunday news programs. It’s kind of been like attending a week-long wake of that mean uncle you never really liked and listening to the vague defenses of his racist jokes, his three divorces and his innumerable lies and petty cruelties.

I’m not proud of enjoying that but I have been enjoying it.

Immensely.

The Bandwagon Leaves Promptly at 5:00pm

Nine weeks in the record books. Nine chapters complete in the novel “The Ballad of Necky McManning.” I wonder how it ends…

Mike Shanahan is Not a Quitter says Mike Shanahan

I was going to mock Mike Shanahan for being a quitter – because quitter’s never win – but then Mike Shanahan clarified his earlier comments. Apparently, everyone who interpreted Shanahan’s “now you're playing to see who obviously is going to be on your football team for years to come” comment as putting the 2012 season in the Loss column while he turns his beady eyes to 2014, 2015 and 2016 were being ridiculous.

Well, 2016 assumes a contract extension so maybe we should just leave it at 2014 and 2015.

The Enemy of My Enemy

The Bye Week is bad karma for fans. Without our home boys to root for we have little choice but to root against our division rivals. That’s purely negative energy, dude. (Can I call you “dude?”) It’s the dark side of The Force, Luke. Granted, I root for the Patriots and anyone who’s playing the Jets, Dolphins or Bills every week but over the bye there’s no positive energy from rooting for my pigskin heroes to offset the negative. Perhaps I can dull the effect with vodka.

It’s worth a try.

Turning the Corner

The Patriots had but one significant weakness. On offense they can pass or run. On defense, they were stopping the run. Their Achilles heel? The 50-yard TD pass. So, they decided to do something about it, trading for Aqib Talib. Talib comes with a first round pedigree, anger management issues and a four-game suspension for Adderall. I’m totally psyched.

Something had to be done in the defensive secondary. Picking up a 26-year old with lock-down skills qualifies as more than something. A player like Talib could stabilize the Pats back four. It could allow them to keep Devin McCourty at safety where I think he has pro bowl potential. More likely we get McCourty at corner assuming Patrick Chung and Steve Gregory return to the lineup. Alfonzo Dennard as the nickel. I’d be good with that. I think it would definitely lead to fewer 50-yard TD passes.

And what if Talib is simply a good kid who made some bad choices and just needs a second chance? Would Belichick’s good friend Greg Schiano send him a certifiable head case loser lunatic? That doesn’t seem possible, does it? I’m definitely all up on that good kid theory. What better place to turn things around than with the Patriots and their “Patriots Way” culture?

And maybe punch ups with cabbies and pharmaceutical meth were just a passing phase. Have you thought of that? I mean, who hasn’t killed a hobo?

Am I right?