Reputation

Apparently, the New England Patriots are a goddamned freak of the unnatural world. They haven't played anyone and yet somehow they've won 15 games. How does that even happen?

So, it's only Wednesday and I've pretty much had it from the manic chattering of the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads.

Poor Bill Belichick. If only he'd had Aaron Rodgers instead of Tom Brady. He'd have 16 Super Bowl championships by now. Did you know? Brady has played poorly in his last two playoff games! He's finally fallen off that cliff 39-year old quarterbacks are supposed to fall off and plunge to their deaths on the sharp rocks of this is how everyone ends. We'll see what happens this Sunday when the Patriots finally play a real team with a real quarterback. It won't be pretty for Pats fans and their overinflated senses of themselves.

That's the usual and customary.

That's not what's bugging me.

What's with all this positive commentary about Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the Patriots Way? Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick? I've grown accustomed to the hate. It's like comfort food, now; a nice slab of meat loaf with a baked potato or a plate filled to the rim with chicken and dumplings. It feels like I'm like wearing my favorite sweater while drinking a vodka martini and eating popcorn sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. You hate us. You really hate us.

But all this love? Yeah, I'm suspicious. I don't know why the prettiest girl in the bar at the local Buffalo Wild Wings would be hitting on me unless I've been mistaken for a super genius-level smart guy who just invented a process that turns salt water into gasoline or some eccentric trillionaire with a fake mustache who digs the bar scene at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. You know how this ends. Face down in an alley leaking blood from a dozen bullet holes.

These are the same people who abandoned Tom Brady just to preserve their sources in the league office so yeah; I'm suspicious.

I sense a reverse jinx. A set up. A shameless, cynical play for page hits. Okay, that's pretty much happening all the time.

If the Patriots win, they're the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads who got it right.

If the Patriots lose, they will delight in the burning of the straw man they created.

I guess it's the smart play. The haters look increasingly like bitter fools, cursing the gods for their fates when the gods have been sitting on a beach drinking umbrella drinks and eating meat on a stick for nearly three millennia. Best to show a little class when confronted with a football fate so unforgiving and arbitrary. If you're an actor, you'd rather play Iago than Othello, wouldn't you? Better a demon behind the mask of a reasonable man than a chump. I mean, if those are your only two choices.

Whatever. I wasn't leaving the bar at the local Buffalo Wild Wings with that pretty girl and I'm not fooled by the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads who are all up on Tom Brady's jock.

I'm not that rich or smart or good looking but I'm not an idiot either and it's still New England vs. Everyone.

I'm not looking for a win this Sunday; I'm looking for a reckoning.