Julian Edelman's Beard

I'll admit, I don't really like to know the intimate details of celebrities' lives. Especially the ones I like. Okay, just the ones I like. My heroes, if you will. The rest I'm more than willing to listen if you have something quirky or salacious or just plain creepy. (Unless it's about Mariah Carey. Too creepy. Clear your browser history creepy.) I like Julian Edelman because he plays for the Patriots but I'm not all that interested in his obsession with hamburgers or his Swedish baby mama.

Okay, yes I am.

And yes, his beard is impressive, though I'd say Rob Ninkovich's is better. I don't really care to know the details of beard grooming but I guess we're down to that, aren't we?

And still five days to go…

Let's do this. Let's take the road more traveled…

Tom Brady vs. Roger Goodell

Like it or not - and it's pretty clear Tom Brady and Roger Goodell don't like it - this is a thing.

Those who think this will bring closure to the Deflategate saga have clearly not been paying attention. Spygate happened nearly a decade ago and we're still rehashing that. Deflategate is going away because the Patriots win SB51 and Brady is voted MVP? Child, please.

As for the awkward moment when Goodell has to hand over that MVP award? Not going to happen. Goodell is a man who has no shame. He's as comfortable lying as he is breathing. Either that or he has the memory of a goldfish. Either way, Goodell will show no signs of unease, if this is how events transpire. And Brady won't give Goodell the satisfaction, much as so many of us would love it if Brady took the MVP award from Goodell - it's a silver football - and said, "This feels a little light, Roger; are you sure it's regulation?"

The Unbearable Weight of Greatness

Pigskin pundits and bobbleheads are wrestling with history without the steadying guardrails of twenty years of perspective. What Belichick and Brady have accomplished is stupefying, really. Their names will be writ large in the history of the NFL the moment they step onto the field this coming Sunday. Belichick and Brady are already in the conversation. If the Patriots win and Brady does take home the MVP the conversation is over.

Greatest of all time.

Head Coach.

Quarterback.

Everyone else is playing for second.

From an early age, we're conditioned to root for the underdog. The smart money has Goliath (-250 shekels) but our hearts are pulling for David. It's unexpected and exhilarating when David wins (not to mention the hefty profit on your 10 shekels bet). Would it even have been a tale worth telling if Goliath had won? Maybe you would've gotten some page hits from Golitath's hard core Philistine fan base but really, it's not much of a story, is it? It's hard to remember the Patriots were once lovable underdogs themselves; now a mere footnote in the history of the Evil Empire. If you're from away, as we New Englanders like to say; if you live west of the Connecticut River, if you're a fan of any of the other 31 NFL franchises, you aren't rooting for Goliath in SB51.

A win by the underdog Falcons will generate plenty of unique site visits Sunday night and on into the week that follows from the other 44 states. Atlanta's NFL franchise has been most famous for trading away Brett Favre to this point in their history. Matt Ryan has been more celebrated for his failures than success. The Falcons defeating the Patriots is a feel good story just waiting to be written.

Still, the opportunity to have a front seat for history has it's own seductive appeal.

Advanced Analytics Prove Mark Twain Was Right…

Twain once noted there are lies, damned lies and advanced analytics. Okay, he said statistics but I'm sure if he was alive today he would've said advanced analytics.

By now, you've probably come across some report from some metrics-centric site with opponent adjusted numbers that have either made you feel a lot better about the wager you placed with your cousin Doug's friend Fitzcarraldo (and yes, he insists that's his real name). Of course, you've also come across a site with numbers that made you wonder how you can explain the dip in your checking account to your wife (hint: buy a tire restoration product and tell your wife you had to buy new tires for the car). Is Atlanta's offense historically good or just kind of good? Does New England's defense actually suck? Will Julian Edelman's beard be able to elude the Falcon's young, fast linebackers on crossing patterns?

The numbers don't lie!

On paper, at least.

On paper it looks like the Patriots defense has a better chance of slowing down the Falcons offense than the Falcons defense has at slowing down the Patriots offense. The reasonable man has to take Tom Brady over Matt Ryan and Bill Belichick over Dan Quinn but as a Patriots fan I can tell you nothing matters but what happens on the field and sometimes crazy things happen. Really crazy things.

Clinically insane things.

And I've still got to wait five days for it to happen.