Keeping Good Thoughts

After writing about my perfect Sunday last week, I should probably keep my optimism in a Ziploc bag, where it could suffocate and die, gasping, eyes bulging.

You thought I was going to say "fresh and mold free," did you?

Anyway, the Road to the Super Bowl may still run through Foxborough. Here's how…

 

Caveat O-Line

Let me stipulate to the obvious.

If the Patriots can't put some semblance of an offensive line together over the next two weeks, venue and opponent aren't really that important. I still like the idea of putting David Andrews back at center and using Bryan Stork to shore things up at guard or tackle but maybe the only thing that really matters is Sebastian Vollmer getting back on the field. It could be that simple.

Scenario 1 – Steelers' Wheel

Steelers beat Bengals, Texans beat Chiefs; Steelers beat Broncos, Patriots beat Texans and New England holds serve at home against an exhausted/beaten up Pittsburgh squad, 21-13.

You remember the Steelers, don't you? They were the team nobody wanted to see in the playoffs not that long ago. (Yes, okay, that's the Seahawks now.) Well, they could be the Patriots' bestest friends ever now. They could knock a tough Bengals team out in the first round (where have I heard that one before?) and take care of business in Mile High aided by another one-and-done from Peyton Manning (again, seems familiar). It doesn't really matter if it's the Texans or Chiefs, really, but I like seeing old friend Vince Wilfork one more time so I'll be rooting for Houston to visit New England in the divisional round.

The Steelers have been playing better on defense and I'm obviously counting on them scoring against the Broncos but not so much against the Patriots. Why do you think Matt Patricia is getting interviews for head coaching gigs? Also, I like the Patriots chances against a Steelers team that's already faced two tough, physical defenses. Somebody's going to emergency, as the poet said. In a strange turn of events, the Patriots are the healthier team on the field in the AFC Championship game.

Scenario 2 – The Andy Dalton Prophecy

Bengals beat Steelers, Chiefs beat Texans; Chiefs beat Broncos, Patriots beat Bengals; New England holds serve at home against the Chiefs, 30-20.

In this scenario, the Chiefs are clearly the better team in the Wild Card round against the Texans and go to Denver with a feeling deep down they can win in Mile High. They will not be afraid of the Broncos. They will harass, sack and intercept Peyton Manning. Alex Smith will do Alex Smith things. Somehow, Jeremy Maclin will rack up 150+ yards from scrimmage. (That's right, big gain on a reverse to Maclin as well as 9 or 10 receptions.) Andy Reid still has a timeout left when the game ends. Crazy, I know.

Meanwhile, the Bengals just squeak by the Steelers with A.J. McCarron under center (and five Steelers' sacks do take a toll) so they turn to Andy Dalton just a week from having the cast removed from his broken throwing hand. That's right, Cincy decides to put their fate back in the hands of the man sporting a 0-4 playoff record over the less experienced but with less playoff baggage option in McCarron. Dalton doesn't disappoint, throwing two interceptions and losing a fumble.

The following week, there's a moment where the Chiefs realize they're playing the Patriots in Foxborough for the AFC Championship. Wait-What?! Is that Tom Brady? That's right, I'm counting on the Chiefs being totally chill in Denver but totally losing their shit in New England. Perhaps more importantly, TB12 has one of those insane, unconscious hot streaks in the second half. Something like 18 of 21 for 250ish yards and 2+ TD passes. He has a third TD on a QB sneak (of course). And (of course) he head butts all of the offensive linemen after the sneak.

Tom Brady hasn't had time to see "Concussion" because he's been too busy… Being awesome!

Let's goooooooooo!

Scenario 3 – Nothing Really Matters…

The Broncos both hold serve regardless of their opponents. If happens; Brady vs. Manning one more time. New Englanders empty their clips on message boards, noting that you can't spell "Huge Fore Head" without HGH. It's childish and not really funny but it does force people not talking about the non-story to ask whether or not it's really a non-story. The Patriots win in Denver, 31-7.

Yeah, I know. This was supposed to be a "the road can still go through Foxborough" thing and this is a "the road goes through Denver after all" thing but whatever. I don't think it matters anyway. If they're healthy, if they play their best, it just won't matter.