Send Out The Clowns

The circus came to town today and that's always fun. Except for the clowns. I mean, how do they all fit in that little car? It's unnerving. And what's with the sad-face makeup? I wish I hadn't mentioned that. I'm going to have a hard time going to sleep tonight.

Anyway, isn't it time we got down to business?

 

I find it curious the NFL hasn't done anything in the wake of the New England Patriots apostasy to secure the legitimacy and sanctity of the game. Sure, the owners changed the rules on ineligible eligible receivers because everyone felt so sorry for John Harbaugh (cheer up John, you're not the crazy one) and they saved the game from the extra point (and definitely not because Bill Belichick told them to) but now that they know science exists, shouldn't they introduce protocols to gauge and re-inflate footballs (if they've dropped below 12.5 PSI) at halftime? Based on the unprecedented sanctions levied against the Patriots and Tom Brady, we can draw but one conclusion.

Air pressure in footballs is the very foundation of the integrity of the game!

This shit is real, people!

Something must be done!

Perhaps an additional official should be present on the sidelines throughout the game to measure and inflate (as necessary) the game balls. I hope that won't cost more than pylon cameras on the goal line. The integrity of the game is important, as long as it's not too expensive.

It's my understanding the existing protocols call for the officials to maintain control of the game balls once they're gauged to be within the 12.5 – 13.5 PSI limits before the game. So, why hasn't Walt Anderson been punished in some way for his failure to do so before the AFC Championship Game? Was Anderson's failure a one-off or is it more or less typical? How can the officials charged with maintaining fair play be so cavalier in assuring the very foundation of the game – football air pressure levels, in case you forgot – remains free of metaphorical termites?

It's obvious to anyone how critical air pressure is to fair play. I mean, just look at how poorly Tom Brady played in the second half of the AFCCG, not to mention his embarrassing performance in Super Bowl XLIX. The League simply must do something to ensure the games are played with appropriately inflated footballs so gamblers can trust the pre-game lines and place their bets with confidence. And it isn't just the gamblers. What about all those fantasy football leagues with a cash money buy in? Okay, technically that's gambling, too. The point is, could Brady and the Patriots have beaten the spread without underinflated footballs? Sadly, that's a question we may never be able to answer. Just think of everything that was lost by the hard working day-traders in pigskin futures who bet on the Colts to cover. 

Oh, the humanity!

Something must be done!

Did I say that already? Well, okay, because it's important!

A $1,000,000 fine, taking 1st and 4th round draft picks and suspending Tom Brady four games may be Roger Goodell's way of saying, "I care," but is that really enough to actually stop Aaron Rodgers (or Andrew Luck) from inflating his game balls to 14.0 or even 15.0 PSI? Wouldn't any quarterback risk that punishment for a Super Bowl win?

It ain't cheating if you don't get caught, am I right?

The League needs to do more than re-emphasize current game ball protocols, which are clearly insufficient to the task as long as doddering, pre-Alzheimer, "best recollection" old men are left in charge of game balls. (Or any official with a pigskin day-trader brother-in-law who maybe, possibly inflated game balls to 16.0 PSI because he knew a quarterback wanted it inflated to 12.5 PSI. You know, in case you were wondering how the Jets were able to cover.) That level of compos mentis may be okay for President of the United States but it's hardly a sustainable standard for NFL football. In-game and halftime gauging and re-inflation (if needed) must become the new normal.

Otherwise, this was all just an inexplicable number of clowns getting out of a sub-compact car with sad-face makeup.