On Further Review...

Why does the NFL have coach's challenge and official review?

To get it right.

Why can't the same principle apply to the Wells Report?

Surprisingly – to me, anyway – there are still those who believe the Wells Report provides definitive proof the New England Patriots and Tom Brady specifically cheated and then lied about it. Jim McNally's bathroom break, McNally the Deflator's and Jim Jastremski the Needle's text messages from October (and Spygate, of course) are their irrefutable proof despite the fact that science has repeatedly proven the Patriots' game balls were more likely than not inflated to 12.5 PSI at the start of the AFC Championship Game.

Why are the bathroom break and text messages from October given equal or greater weight than the science? How can the Patriots and Tom Brady be found guilty of cheating when the science says the footballs were legally inflated to 12.5 PSI?

Yeah, I don't get that either.

Oh, wait. I forgot.

Because Spygate.

Like many others, I've been of the opinion that Roger Goodell (FTG) has painted himself into a corner that he's just not smart enough to get out of.

Okay, I'm still of that opinion but I'm hoping he was dropping a truth bomb when he said he wasn't "wedded" to the Wells Report and would be open to "new information" in hearing Tom Brady's appeal. Of course, Goodell meant Tom Brady's personal phone, which Brady refused to turn over to Ted Wells (FTGT), not the various scientific studies like the recent AEI deconstruction of the Wells Report. The Wells Report itself includes but ignores the evidence that proves the Patriots and TB12 did nothing wrong (Logo Gauge + Ideal Gas Law = 12.5 PSI) but that's old information, I suppose.

Anyway, if Goodell wants to go under the virtual hood to look for another camera angle on the Wells Report, it would seem there is no lack of options available.

That's if he wants to get it right.

Based on his Vizzini-like usage of the word integrity, I don't think he does.

Vacating Brady's suspension on the basis that the Wells Report smells like a cow barn in serious need of mucking has further ramifications, of course. If Brady's suspension was the fruit of a poisoned tree, doesn't the same apply to the $1m in fines and the loss of draft picks for the Patriots? Shouldn't those punishments also be vacated? Robert Kraft said he would stand down and accept the sanctions against his franchise and I have no idea if the by-laws of the Secret Society of Obscenely Rich White Guys Who Own NFL Franchises provide any recourse for Kraft but if Brady is cleared, doesn't it at least beg the question?

I think Goodell would rather see this go to court even if it's more likely than not the NFLPA and Brady win. All Goodell loses in that scenario is the suspension of Brady. He can look the other 31 owners in the eye and say he did his best to take down the Patriots and still managed to hit Kraft in the pocketbook and take draft picks away from Belichick even without any real evidence of wrong-doing. Not bad when you think about it.

So Goodell may reduce Brady's suspension to make him look like a reasonable guy but he won't vacate it entirely lest he look like a spineless, brainless sub-humanoid who defies everything we know of human biology to actually stand erect and form nearly complete sentences. The NFLPA and Brady have already made it clear anything short of complete exoneration is unacceptable so we'll be on to more billable hours for the lawyers after Goodell announces his decision. Based on the Greg Hardy appeal (still waiting on that one), who knows when that will be.

Even worse – and who thought this could get worse – yesterday I read Mike Florio's post on Pro Football Talk that we may not see a resolution until the 2016 season.

I just threw up in my mouth.

I don't know about you, but I watch football to see the players play and the coaches coach. I don't watch to see executives and lawyers and marble colonnades atop courtroom steps. Does the NFL actually know what their product is? It seems a crazy question but it wouldn't be the first time. Kodak thought they were in the photography business when they were actually in the silver nitrate business. (Just write me a letter and send it by post the next time you drop a roll of film off at the pharmacy to be developed.) Maybe the owners and executives and lawyers see themselves as charismatic rock gods of sports entertainment. Maybe they imagine themselves being played by Duane Johnson or Channing Tatum. Okay, we all do that. I'd pay to see a movie with The Rock playing a middle manager for a major insurance company, wouldn't you? No? What if I told you that insurance company had been infiltrated by alien beings intent on making this planet their own by destroying the global economy and enslaving the world's population in minimum wage jobs at fast food franchises? Little known fact: Aliens love rehydrated onions. And cheese.

It seems clear to me now that Roger Goodell (FTG) is clearly compensating for a well below average sized penis (well below average), has the decision-making skills of a George Costanza and is the living embodiment of Backpfeifengesicht. I get that creepy "uncanny valley" sense of revulsion whenever I see his face. (Make one of those pinhole viewers for solar eclipses and use it to view the results from a Google Image search of "Roger Goodell Face.") Goodell as a first or second generation robot would explain a lot. I work with computers and we're clearly a long, long way from being able to build a sexy robot that doesn't kill you in your sleep, let alone a simulacrum of a men's apparel model capable of understanding basic math while walking and chewing gum.

None of that is good news for Tom Brady or science, of course.

I'm guessing Roger Goodell (FTG) will reduce Brady's suspension to 1 game in an attempt to make the NFLPA and Brady look like they're being the unreasonable parties by dragging this thing out and taking the league to court. I'm also guessing that's the way pigskin pundits and bobbleheads will see it, conveniently forgetting that it was Goodell and the League that made all of this happen and dismissing what this means for Tom Brady and his legacy as trivial and unimportant.

The integrity of the game has had its fifteen minutes, I guess.