Rules for Rich People

New York Daily News scribe Manish Mehta's recent "Petty Patriots" post seemed to get the locals post-St. Patrick's day Irish up. I must admit, I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm not sure why I should care what anyone in NYC has to say about the Patriots or their fans. Even as a Patriots' fan I'm loathe to personalize the mewling protestations of pigskin pundits and bobbleheads from everywhere west of the Connecticut river. On the other hand, Mehta's column certainly deserves deconstruction, Fire Joe Morgan-style…

 

The NFL’s fight for truth, justice and the American way ventured into the ridiculous two days before Darrelle Revis agreed to a blockbuster deal to return to the Jets.

Nice work in the lede as Mehta establishes the logical proof that (1) NFL investigations are sneer-worthy, (2) the tampering charges are being investigated by the NFL, (3) therefore the tampering investigation is "ridiculous."

Does this mean the Wells Report into Deflategate is equally ridiculous?

The league sent an investigator to the Jets facility in Florham Park, N.J., on Sunday, March 8, during the three-day “legal tampering” window before the official start of free agency to interrogate general manager Mike Maccagnan and front office personnel about the pursuit of Revis, according to sources.

Owner Woody Johnson was not interviewed.

Why bother? Johnson was already on record.

The NFL’s attempt to uncover any dirt was an exercise in futility, a witch hunt driven by nonsense from a hypocritical organization with no reason to feel threatened by its competitor.

Okay, given Woody Johnson said what he said, I'll admit I don't understand why the NFL had to send anyone anywhere unless they league is trying to determine the level of punishment (swapping 2nd round picks vs. swapping 3rd round picks). Johnson already admitted his guilt when he called Robert Kraft to apologize for being so stupid. How did that guy get rich enough to own an NFL franchise, anyway?

Maybe the NFL's tampering rules are nonsense but they are the rules nonetheless. Kind of like that Tuck Rule.

The Patriots levied a tampering charge against their division foes shortly after Johnson’s public admission on Dec. 29 that he’d “love for Darrelle to come back,” prompting many to wonder how serious the NFL would consider the complaint.

How serious? It was only a textbook definition of tampering. At the time I wondered why the Patriots actually had to file a complaint given how seriously the NFL takes its responsibilities for "truth, justice and the American Way."

And who are these "many" Mehta refers to? Jets fans?

The Patriots, of course, have been the model of fair play (SpyGate), rule-abiding negotiations (landing Revis in record time after the Buccaneers cut him) and trustworthy pre-game equipment management (DeflateGate), so they naturally had every right to be concerned about the integrity of this situation.

First, nothing in this paragraph has anything to do with the tampering case at hand but, I'll bite.

SpyGate has been adjudicated. The Patriots broke a rule regarding where video cameras could be used. You can question Bill Belichick's defense of his actions but you can't deny he did anything to hide what he was doing. Not that anyone cares. The Patriots are cheaters and SpyGate is all you'll need to justify that statement, apparently forever. Yes, New England broke a rule and was punished for it. More than seven years ago.

As for "landing Revis in record time," it should be noted that unlike Woody Johnson, Robert Kraft made no public statements regarding New England's desire to obtain Revis' services while he was still under contract to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I'm also under the impression that Revis contacted the Jets first following his release from the Bucs.

What's the record the Patriots broke in signing Revis? Did the Jets break that record when they signed Revis? Just curious.

Finally, DeflateGate. I realize the Patriots have been assumed guilty (because SpyGate) but don't you need to throw an "alleged" in there until (if) they're actually found guilty? As for "trustworthy pre-game equipment management," my understanding is that the only person who has been punished in regards to "equipment management" was a league employee working for former Jets executive and current league executive Mike Kensil.

I'm sorry. That was, what's the word? Ah, yes! Petty.

Johnson’s comments three months ago in response to a direct question about the perennial Pro Bowler violated the NFL Anti-Tampering policy as written, but the owner’s words had nothing to do with Revis’ ultimate decision to part ways with the Super Bowl champions.

Here’s the thing. From the moment Johnson made his statement, Revis knew he had leverage. The Patriots ability to extend Revis before he got to free agency (no, they weren't going to pick up the $20m option) was null and void. This is why there are anti-tampering rules in the first place.

The Jets had the financial resources ($39 million in fully guaranteed money) and the locale (Manhattan > middle of nowhere, Mass.) that appealed to Revis.

You have to love the "middle of nowhere, Mass." jab.

There's a reason why so many police procedurals are set in New York City, am I right?

Hey-Oh!

The Patriots were out of the Revis sweepstakes a full day before the Jets agreed to terms on a 5-year, $70 million deal, according to sources.

So, Woody Johnson's admitted tampering did have an impact on the Patriots ability to negotiate a contract extension?

It made sense for the cornerback-needy Jets to be so aggressive to land Revis, who will turn 30 this summer.

“Champ (Bailey) was able to play at a very high level well into his 30s,” Maccagnan said in a conference call on Thursday. “I kind of view Darrelle in the same (way). He’s playing at a very high level. We thought he could potentially be able to play at a high level for a number of years going forward, so we thought it was worth the financial investment.”

I guess this is an attempt to justify the contract terms which do qualify as unprecedented. I actually agree with Maccagnan's assessment of Revis. Barring injury Revis will continue to be a Top 10 cornerback over the next three years. I'm not sure what it has to do with the tampering charge.

Robert Kraft and Bill Belichick, who didn’t have the cash to keep the cornerstone of the Super Bowl-winning defense, have accomplished too much to use a silly league rule to wage an even sillier war.

Okay, you're the guy characterizing this as a "war," pal. As to the silliness of this particular rule, why don't you give Roger Goodell a call?

Sure, Johnson should have refrained from his public praise for Revis,

Right. Because that was tampering.

but Kraft and Belichick have been far from choir boys when it comes to this player.

Think about how Revis arrived in Foxborough in the first place.

The Buccaneers officially released Revis at 3:53 p.m. EDT on March 12, 2014. Less than five hours later — 8:23 pm EDT — the Patriots amazingly agreed to terms on a contract with the star cornerback. Who knew that Kraft and Belichick could broker a deal for a player with so many options in warp speed?

Okay, so the Jets front office are the very model of the modern captains of pigskin industry for signing Revis just a few hours into free agency but the Patriots were somehow dealing from the bottom of the deck when they signed Revis just a few hours after his release?

Oh, right. I forgot. SpyGate!

As to why the Patriots could "broker a deal for a player with so many options," all I can say is, "Count the rings, bub."

Also, it's "at warp speed," not "in warp speed." Poser.

Is it possible that they negotiated the parameters of a deal with Team Revis while the cornerback was still under contract with the Buccaneers? No chance! The Patriots would never engage in such questionable tactics (insert eye roll here).

As noted above, unlike with Woody Johnson, there is no evidence (except SpyGate, of course) that Belichick or Kraft tampered with Revis while he was under contract with Tampa Bay.

The annual NFL Scouting Combine has become a haven for league-wide tampering in the run-up to free agency. The NFL has turned a blind eye, because it’s impossible to prove without a paper/email trail that no team is dumb enough to leave.

Well, unless you're Woody Johnson and you have no understanding of how the digital world works.

Kraft is too good of an owner to be so petty. Johnson called Kraft shortly after his comments about Revis to offer a good-faith apology. The matter should have died after that December conversation, but the Patriots ratcheted up the animus between the franchises by complaining to the league.

First of all, is it even possible to ratchet up the animus between the Jets and the Patriots? Second of all, where in the league's rules on tampering do we find the sub-paragraph on the "good-faith apology?" I also like the characterization of those "complaining" Patriots as an attempt to de-legitimize the tampering charge. As noted above, Johnson's apology acknowledges guilt. I mean, why would you apologize for something you didn't do?

Meanwhile, Patriots fans, draped in Super Bowl gear for the fourth time in the Brady-Belichick era, are out for blood after Revis’ departure. Like a jilted lover, these people want to exact revenge on an organization that really seems to get under their skin.

Okay, Mehta is a New Yorker so he probably doesn't know how things work here in the middle of nowhere, Massachusetts. Most of the whining and complaining in these pastoral parts has been directed at Bill Belichick and the Robert Kraft, not at the Jets. Why not pay the $20m if that's what it took? Why not guarantee the $39m (for a 30-year old cornerback who's already blown out an ACL) if that's what it took?

Revenge? We just want your 2nd round draft pick, silly!

Also, I'm sure Jets fans like to think Pats fans think about you all the time. Under my skin? Sorry, too busy counting rings!

The Lions were nabbed for tampering in 2011 after then-defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham said he’d like to “catch” any Chiefs players who might shake loose. The NFL stripped Detroit of a seventh-round pick and swapped both team’s fifth-round picks.

In 2008, the 49ers were stripped of a fifth-rounder and swapped third-rounders with the Bears for tampering with linebacker Lance Briggs.

You probably remember but Mehta fails to mention that Briggs re-signed with the Bears. Even though Chicago kept Briggs, they got the 2nd round swap. In this case, Revis signed with the tampering team. That's why I'd like to see the league have the Jets and Pats swap 2nd rounders.

No matter how worked up the Patriots and their fans get, this won’t change: Revis is gone.

Wait—What? Revis is gone? Reality is immutable? Even if I stomp my feet and hold my breath?

Please stop whining.

You first.