Thursday, March 12, 2015

Jumping to Conclusions on the Dark Side of the Moon

The locals have sounded like that friend of yours who got dumped by that girl he thought was the one but you knew she was way out of his league and it was only a matter of time. Yes, she was beautiful, smart, had good sense of humor but she was kind of expensive, liked going out to expensive restaurants, seeing a show and you know he maxed out two or three credit cards buying her jewelry and perfume and those sunglasses she really liked. Then she dumped him. She was getting back together with her ex. Now he won't shut up about her. He keeps saying stupid shit about how if he'd proposed when he had the chance that they'd be happily ever after.

No.

That was never going to happen. Throw out all those Maroon 5 CDs she made you buy. Get drunk. Throw up. Look into debt consolidation options. I think that girl in accounts receivable is interested. No, she isn't as pretty as that conniving bitch that just kicked you in the nuts but she looks kind of cute and she hates Maroon 5 (I asked).

It's over. Time to move on already.

 
So. This is the year. The Bills, Dolphins and Jets have all gotten better. They've spent millions of guaranteed money on running backs and defensive tackles and cornerbacks. They've traded for wide receivers and journeyman quarterbacks. This is the year that someone OTNE (Other Than New England) wins the AFC East.

Wait. Don't they say that every year?

Okay, you've got to be excited if you're fans of the Jets. That trade for Ryan Fitzpatrick is just the jimmies on the Super Bowl sundae, am I right? If you're a Bills' fan, there's Rex and Shady and that defense and Matt Cassel is way better than Ryan Fitzpatrick, am I right? Then there's Miami with Ndamukong Suh and um, Ndamukong Suh!

And what have the Patriots got?

You mean, besides Tom Brady and an offense that just came back from the largest 4th quarter deficit in Super Bowl history for the win against the best defense in the NFL? That Tom Brady?

It's way too early to worry – let alone panic – but let me say a few things…

No, there isn't a replacement for Darrelle Revis on the roster today. There's not a replacement for Revis on 30 other rosters in the NFL. There's Revis and there's Richard Sherman and that's the list.

But…

With Devin McCourty in centerfield, I'm not that worried about Logan Ryan, Kyle Arrington, Malcolm Butler and Alonzo Dennard playing zone. I know everyone hates the "bend but don't break" defense. All I can say is, convince an NFL owner to hire you and coach your own team. Yes, I expect Belichick will make some moves to improve the defensive backfield and he'll continue to work on the pass rush but – call me crazy – even without Revis I think the AFC East still goes through Foxborough.

Yes, the Patriots may need to rely on the offense a little more in 2015. The good news is they should be up to the challenge. Danny Amendola looked like everything we hoped he would be down the stretch last year, JoJo LaFell should be even better in his second year with the team, Julian Edelman is Incredelman and Gronk is the best tight end in the NFL. How many snaps does that leave for Tim Wright, Brian Tyms or Aaron Dobson? The offensive line will be improved through the draft or trade or maybe by Cameron Fleming moving inside. They've got plenty of talent at running back; I'm intrigued by Tyler Gaffney as much as I'm looking forward to LeGarrette Blount running for 150+ against the Colts again.

Remember…

It's not about acquiring talent; it's about building a team.

And…

Nobody ever won a Super Bowl in March.

Think of it this way.

Jabaal Sheard has averaged 47.5 tackles and 5.75 sacks over his four seasons in the NFL. The Patriots are paying Sheard $11m, with $5.5m guaranteed, over two years. The math is pretty simple here; Sheard will average $5.5m per season if he completes his contract.

Ndamukong Suh has averaged 47.8 tackles and 7.2 sacks over his five seasons in the NFL. The Dolphins are paying Suh $114m, with $60m guaranteed, over six years. Suh will average at least $10m a year in guaranteed money, $19m per season if he plays out his contract.

Okay, you know where I'm going and yes I know I'm oversimplifying things here at least a little bit but bear with me. I'm going to count sacks twice, adding them to tackles and make an assumption that both players will post their career averages for the duration of their agreements…

Average Tackles + Sacks
Average Annual Salary
Cost Per Tackle
Sheard
53.25
$5,500,000
$103,286.38
Suh
55.00
$19,000,000
$345,454.55

Simple mathematics can't really quantify the true value of a player like Suh, of course. Maybe he is worth 3.34 Jabaal Sheards. Maybe he's worth as much as an elite quarterback. Maybe he won't get suspended for stomping on another prone opponent in 2015 or get hurt and miss significant time.

One thing is for certain and that's the fact the salary cap is a zero sum game. Every dollar spent on one player is a dollar that can't be spent on another. At the end of the day, this had a lot to do with the Patriots stopping far short of matching the Jets' offer to Revis; it almost certainly would've meant losing one or more of Chandler Jones, Dont'a Hightower and Jamie Collins. Maybe all three get to free agency and New England loses all three.

Then I would've gotten drunk. And thrown up. And started using those Maroon 5 CDs as drink coasters.

Do you suppose those things are dishwasher safe?



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