The Face of the Franchise

Will the sexual assault suit filed against Jameis Winston affect his draft status?

Why is this even a question?

Why the Wells Report is Taking so Long

Day 80-something. I've lost track. I'm out of water. I ran out of food days ago. I've torn my t-shirt into strips. Are there any nutrients in cotton? It's probably a blend so maybe whatever it's blended with has some nutritional value. I hope so. I really wish I'd paid more attention in that freshman zoology class now. I'll tell you this. No matter how long you leave a football in the refrigerator, yes, it gets softer but it's still completely inedible, even with ketchup.

The questions remain, however, even as a fever burns in my starving brain. Why is the Deflategate investigation taking so long?

Three Cones in Sub-7

You can't expect the Patriots to draft on the basis of need – at least not the narrow “Day 1 starter this year at the X position because we lost player Z to free agency” definition of need (and you know who I’m talking about). Look no farther than Bill Belichick’s first two picks in the 2014 draft; a defensive tackle coming off a second ACL tear unlikely to contribute in his rookie year and a QB of the Far, Far Away Future.

Still, we know – or have strong opinions about – what New England needs to make a run at back-to-back Lombardi Trophies…

Ten Weeks On

The NFL has adjudicated Textgate and Noisegate but still no word on Deflategate or Tampergate. Should we expect an answergate any time soongate?

The Charmed Life of T.E. Brady

After winning his fourth Super Bowl and third Super Bowl MVP he was due for a little down time, vacationing in Costa Rica with the impossibly cute kids and his stunning super model wife, a little surf and sand, cliff-diving, golfing and balling with MJ…

You hate him 'cause you ain't him.

Dull Pitchforks and Unlit Torches

The long-awaited Wells Report on the Ideal Gas Law is bound to disappoint, much like other long-awaited events, like Chinese Democracy or the new Paul Blart Mall Cop movie. We wait and we wait and we wait and after a while it doesn’t even matter. Whatever it is, it will never live up to our expectations. I can't even tell you how much I'm dreading that X-Files reboot.

Little Brother, A Play in One Act

Jets: Ha! I can file tampering charges, too! I'm going to file tampering charges every time you say anything! I don't even care if you don't make a forward-looking statement.

Patriots: You know, I might stop treating you like a little brother if you stopped acting like one. A petty, whining little brother. We're actually the same age, you know.

Jets: That's tampering! Tamperiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg! Hey! Stop! Don't stick me in the closet. Again. Oh, man!

Patriots: I'm late for my pedicure. I'll let you out right afterwards. And then I'll kick your ass. Again. Bye now.