This Is The End

Wait-What? There's a Super Bowl tomorrow? And the Patriots aren't in it?

Is this some kind of crazy dream? Somebody, please, pinch me.

Be gentle, though. I have a really low pain threshold.

It's been a funny week. Seems like there's as much chatter about the Patriots as the teams that are actually playing in the game. Will Tom Brady show up for the MVP celebration? Aqib Talib is a better man for having played in New England. Emanuel Sanders is sure that if he'd signed with the Pats they would've won championships. Since they won last year without him, I guess he's probably right about that. Then there were the PSI readings that weren't really a study but maybe they will be but rest assured, these preemptive spot checks showed that nobody cheated in 2016. Follow up question, Mr. Commissioner: Not even the Patriots? I mean, who can believe that?

Maybe all the Pats chatter was intentional. Who wants to talk about concussions, HGH and racism when you can talk about the Deflategate appeals and restoring the absolute power of the Commissioner, the keystone to the integrity of the game? This isn't about unbridled hubris or an ego that barely fits in Levi's Stadium. Roger is only doing this for future commissioners. Follow up question, Mr. Commissioner: So, this isn't about Tom Brady's guilt or innocence?

Was it ever?

Okay, that was two questions.

Anyway, there's going to be a football game tomorrow and Patriots' fans do have a rooting interest. Do I have to say it? I admit, I'm rooting against Peyton Manning. In my dream scenario, things are so bad for the Broncos that Brock Osweiler starts the second half. But I also know, you should always be careful what you wish for; this is the way it ends for all the greats – and one day (in 2020?) it will end badly for Tom Terrific, too. I'd rather not borrow any bad karma if I can avoid it.

So, what's going to happen? Like I know…

Peyton Manning will play well…

Manning has had his best games in the 2016 season when he had two weeks off. He's like an aging starting pitcher who needs that extra day of rest between starts. He's still one of the smartest quarterbacks to ever play the game and he's had two weeks to get ready for the Panthers' defense.

Broncos HC Gary Kubiak and Manning both know what Peyton can and can no longer do. They will have a game plan that plays to his strengths; he will get the ball out fast and avoid taking the kind of punishment 39-year old bodies simply cannot endure.

Prop Bet: Manning will point at Luke Kuechly 50+ times during pre-snap reads.

The Doug Flutie Curse is real…

A lot of credit for the Broncos success in 2016 has been credited to defensive coordinator Wade Phillips. You might be thinking, "Well, if Phillips is cursed, how did the Broncos get to the Super Bowl?"

If that's how you're thinking, you obviously don't know how curses work.

Curses wait. Curses lull you into a false sense of security. Curses wink and let you believe they aren't real. Curses smile knowingly and watch as a certain interception falls harmlessly to the turf. Curses chuckle as a quarterback who had no business escaping a sack reverses course out of the pocket and hits a wide open receiver forty yards downfield for a TD. Curses don't waste themselves on a conference championship when they can bring you down on the biggest stage in all of sports.

Prop Bet: The Panthers offense rolls up 450+ yards of total offense and 30+ points on the NFL's #1 Defense.

If Cam Newton was white, he'd be bigger than Jesus…

Personally, I'm far more annoyed by Peyton Manning's aw shucks, just a good ol' boy TV salesman persona than Cam Newton's wink-wink Superman persona. To think the hating on Cam isn't race-based is disingenuous at best.

Black Quarterback's Lives Matter, too.

I may not understand it but I've got no problem with Cam Newton pimping yogurt or dabbing after a touchdown. Cam Newton isn't dancing for the man, he's dancing for himself. It's a game. It should be fun.

Prop Bet: Three little kids in Cam Newton jerseys come away with souvenirs this Sunday.

An unlikely hero, an unlikely goat…

It's the biggest stage in sports. It may be the biggest stage in everything. One game. Remember that Tom Brady pre-game speech? Honor. Respect. Transformative moments and not always in a good way. How Manning and Newton play will go a long way to determining the winner of the game, of course, but those of us who follow Brazilian supermodels know, quarterbacks cannot throw and catch the ball.

I'm not exactly going out on a limb in picking Panthers TE Greg Olsen to be the key to a Carolina win so he hardly falls into the "unlikely" category. It would hardly be a surprise if linebacker Luke Kuechly has a big game. How about defensive tackle Kawann Short knocking Manning out of the game with a big hit on a sack? Not entirely unlikely. Running back Johnathan Stewart rolling to 150+ yards? Okay. But that's what the Panthers do, isn't it?

Why am I avoiding the obvious? A Panthers win really comes down to Ted Ginn, Jr. He's going to have the best game of his career – including a punt return for a score – or he's going to drop what would've been the game-winning touchdown.

On the Broncos side of the line of scrimmage, I like running back C.J. Anderson to either set a Super Bowl record for rushing touchdowns or to fumble at the worst possible moment in the game. Or both. How about Von Miller playing Brian Bosworth to Cam Newton's Bo Jackson? (Newton and Jackson are both Auburn alums; for some reason sports loves that kind of symmetry.) The Broncos have a pair of veteran tight end in Owen Daniels and Vernon Davis who could come up big. Or not.

I think the possibility of Demaryius Thomas dropping a the pass that would've sent The Sheriff riding off into the sunset just writes itself. I mean, we're going to have to have someone to blame for Peyton Manning losing this game.

Prop Bet: Whoever it is that drops that potential game-winning TD pass, I'm going to laugh out loud.

Peyton Manning will not hoist the Lombardi Trophy because this isn't a movie…

Okay, I'm a Patriots' fan and I have never understood the almost universal love for Peyton Manning amongst football fans west of the Connecticut River. Yes, the curated relationships with pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, the aforementioned TV huckster persona and his lips pressed together just trying to be a good teammate in the face of adversity lovable loser moments have created a firewall against the HGH story – I mean, non-story, of course – and have most football fans pulling for The Sheriff to stand tall in this his last rodeo.

That's the kind of ending we rarely get in real life.

Prop Bet: After losing Super Bowl 50, Peyton Manning will be even more beloved. Excuses will be made for the four turnovers (3 INT and a fumble). Instead, his career will be celebrated. His character and humility will be held up as a model for the youth of America.

And no one will mention HGH.