Why Can't I Stop Doing This?

Lisztomania is a pretty good album by a French band you probably never heard of.

Listomania is the worst part of the NFL offseason.

The latest entry in this cynical and unabashed cycle of offseason clickbait that I do not seek out but more often than not gets tossed in my face by fellow Defenders of the Wall is the NFL.com's Top 10 Teams of the Decade.

By now you'd think I'd be smart enough not to take that bait.

What's that you say? You know me and you'd like to assure me that I really am not that smart?

You're telling me this for my own good?

Well. Okay then.

This Top 10 list belongs to Tom Blair and by his own qualifiers, it's logically unassailable. 

To Wit…

Instead of assembling a deathly boring list of the most complete teams or melting into a puddle of anxiety over which team from 2012 could beat the best team of 2017, I kept things loose, weighing historical impact, seasonal and decade-long rankings and entertainment value.

I will first commend Mr. Blair for "keeping it loose." We all take these things far too seriously. When we're talking historical impact in the context of recent memory you're just guessing and when it comes to guesses, yours is as good as mine. That's definitely keeping it loose. And when it comes to entertainment value, well, what does that even mean? Thankfully, we're not dealing with some brain numbingly complex formulae only those with advanced STEM degrees could understand. Who doesn't hate science? Am I right?

Anyway, I hadn't read any of these qualifiers when I first saw the list, as relayed by Bleacher Report from @FitzGFY and his money quote, which got me to read the Tom Blair list in the first place:

8 straight AFC title game appearances and five Super Bowl appearances in a decade only buys you one mention on the list?

Ah! But then there's this from Mr. Blair's set up for his list…

...to prevent this from becoming a list populated only by Patriots, Broncos and Seahawks, I limited myself to one representative from each franchise. This is an arbitrary rule that I feel great about.

...so, this is where I should stop.

Just one Patriots team on the list?

It's a rule, damn it! 

Let it go…

Okay. I can't. 

But I will try to keep it simple. Here's the list, with brief commentary.

#1 - 2013 Seattle Seahawks - One hit wonders beaten the next year by the Patriots in SB51. Still, hard to quibble with the team that crushed that Broncos team at #5.

#2 - 2015 Carolina Panthers - The team that lost to the "Weekend at Peyton's" Broncos was the second-most historically relevant, second-most entertaining team of the decade?

#3 - 2017 Philadelphia Eagles - Beat the Patriots in SB52. One hit wonders, too, but I'd rank them higher just because, you know, they beat the Patriots.

#4 - 2016 New England Patriots - Okay. Still wondering why the Panthers are sitting at #2.

#5 - 2013 Denver Broncos - The aforementioned team crushed by the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. Just sayin' I like sayin' that.

#6 - 2015 Arizona Cardinals - Wait-What? This team lost to the team that lost the Super Bowl. That should make them, at best, the third best team of the 2015 season, not the 6th best of the decade, shouldn't it? Can someone check my math on that one?

#7 - 2012 San Francisco 49ers - I should probably leave this one to Ravens' fans. Whatever happened to that Colin Kaepernick guy, anyway?

#8 - 2011 Green Bay Packers - Had to make sure Aaron Rodgers was mentioned, even if it was for a failed effort to get to the Super Bowl. Again.

#9 - 2018 Kansas City Chiefs - Beaten by the 2018 Patriots in the AFCCG.

#10 - 2017 Jacksonville Jaguars - Beaten by the 2017 Patriots in the AFCCG.

That's it! That's the list!