The Quarterback Non-Controversy

Maybe it’s just that everyone has been so jealous of Tom Brady for so long they’d like to believe he’s actually jealous of someone else.

I’m looking at you Jimmy G!

We knew this was going to happen if Jimmy Garoppolo played passably well and it’s fair to say he was much better than any citizen of Patriots Nation could’ve hoped.

Trade Brady!

Are you crazy? Brady’s the GOAT and we’re going to get two first rounders for Garoppolo!

No, keep Brady and Garoppolo like the 49ers kept Montana and Young!

Wait-What? You can’t keep both of them; they hate each other!

Whatever. Let’s break this down.

The Variables

How well Garoppolo plays over the next three games will obviously be a factor.

Brady’s performance when he returns to action in October will also be a consideration. If the Patriots run the table and Tom Terrific puts another ring on it, would he retire? Would it only reinforce Brady’s belief he can play at a high level till he’s 45? Would Brady willingly leave a 6th Super Bowl ring on the table?

On the other hand, what if he shows signs of decline and the Patriots fall short of the playoffs or lose in the first round?

What do the Patriots think they have in Jacoby Brissett? Brissett’s development impacts the equation as well. Giving up 8-10 years of Garoppolo in exchange for 2-5 years of Brady looks much better with a 6-8 year kicker of Brissett if he’s a good as Bill Parcells and Charlie Weiss seem to think he is.

Will Josh McDaniels get a head coaching gig after the 2016 season is in the books? Assuming he does, and assuming it isn’t Indianapolis, who does he want to ensure his second chance is a success? Brady or Garoppolo?

Finally, there’s Bill Belichick, the man who does everything in the best interests of the team. He’s kind of famous for letting a player go a year too early than for holding onto them a year too long.

Trade Brady!

While the probability of this happening is low, anyone who’s followed Bill Belichick’s career has to acknowledge that yes, this could happen.

It’s been said Robert Kraft would never sign off on trading Tommy but I’m not so sure. Would he overrule Belichick on a player personnel decision, even one as shocking, controversial and emotional as this would be? Who makes a deal like this? Oh, right. Bill Belichick does.

He’d have to have a shit ton of confidence in Garoppolo. He’d need to find an NFC Team to make a deal with and preferably one in the NFC West because they wouldn’t play any of those teams (unless it was the Super Bowl) for the next three years. I don’t think Belichick would underestimate just how motivated Brady would be in this scenario.

As with all trades, though, it takes two. All things being equal - say you’re willing to give up two first rounders - if you could have a 40-year old Tom Brady or a 26-year old Jimmy Garoppolo, who are you taking?

The answer is Jimmy Garoppolo, of course.

The 40-year old Tom Brady is simply more valuable to the Patriots than he’d be to any other franchise in the NFL. It isn’t that Belichick wouldn’t do it; it’s that he can get more for Garoppolo, assuming of course that Jimmy G continues to kill it on Sundays.

We’re going to get two first-rounders for Garoppolo!

Jimmy G re-set the bar last Sunday night. Before that kick hooked left, everyone east of the Connecticut River was going to be more than happy with a 2-2-0 start. 3-1-0 would be a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and jimmies.

Now we’re all expecting 4-0-0 and if Garoppolo stumbles against the Dolphins - who played the Seahawks tough in Seattle - we’ll all be heading to our sheds for our torches and pitchforks.

But let’s say Jimmy G does run the table. Let’s say he continues to put up numbers like he did against Arizona. Hell, let’s say he actually gets better with each game. And let’s say Brady runs the table, wins yet another Super Bowl and looks like he’s more than capable of playing championship caliber football into his 40s.

Trade Garoppolo, right?

But two first rounders?

I know what you’re thinking. Sam Bradford. Bradford, who doesn’t have a signature win to his name netted a first and a fourth. Garoppolo has to be worth more than that. Hard to disagree.

That’s when facts get in the way.

Does Belichick have enough leverage to get two first round picks?

Other teams will know he wants to get something for Garoppolo before Jimmy G hits free agency. Garoppolo’s impending free agency is a factor, too. Garoppolo’s agent is going to want to get Osweiler’s money with a little sweetener to account for the annual increase in the salary cap. So, the team that wants Garoppolo is going to not only have to give up picks, but will also need to take on some financial risk in betting that Jimmy G’s four-game sample is sufficient proof that he’s a franchise QB.

There’s bound to be some GMs who think they’ll wait another year for Garoppolo to hit free agency. They’ll have to bid for his services but they won’t have to give up the draft picks.

But as they say, it only takes one. There only has to be one GM desperate enough to give up what Belichick wants. Maybe not two firsts; maybe a first and a second rounder. Belichick could turn a second round pick into a third and a fourth this year and another third rounder next year that he packages with a fourth to move up into the second round the year after that and, well, you get the picture.

Let’s just try not to be disappointed if Belichick can only get a first and a fourth for Garoppolo.

Keep Brady and Garoppolo like the 49ers kept Montana and Young!

This just isn’t going to happen and we all know it. It isn’t economically feasible for one thing. Are you going to franchise tag Garoppolo, pay him more than Brady? How much cap space will New England have after new deals for Jamie Collins, Dont’a Hightower, Malcolm Butler and Jabaal Sheard? And why would Garoppolo want to stay only to sit wit Brady looking like he’ll make good on his promise to play till he’s 45.

If you have any friends who are telling you the Patriots should keep Brady and Garoppolo you need to stop inviting them to your birthday parties, stop sending them Christmas cards and you need to immediately delete their contact information from your phone. You need new friends.

You can’t keep both of them; they hate each other!

I don’t buy this. Are they BFF? Probably not. Brady’s 39, married, he’s got kids. Garoppolo’s a millennial, he’s single and fancy free. Brady’s on Facebook. Garoppolo’s on Twitter. So, they don’t hang out. Is that really a surprise?

I know the reality that these are simply two men in different stages of life who only have their profession in common isn’t nearly as much fun as thinking there’s some middle school level bitchiness like you hear about in a Taylor Swift song.

But okay, let’s say they do hate each other.

Who cares? Big deal. So what? Seriously.

Do you like everyone you work with?

You still get your job done, don’t you? Oh, you sometimes spend an “extended” lunch break bitching about Christine (not her real name)? Like you spent the whole day Tuesday going from cube to cube asking Matt and Jessica and Melody and Naresh and Jason if they’ve heard about the latest shit Christine (okay it is her real name) pulled? You pretty much didn’t get any work done on Wednesday because you were either bitching about Christine or silently seething about that bitch Christine while pretending to read your email?

Yeah? I think Bill Belichick is cutting your ass.

Enjoy Cleveland.

Besides, we all know who Tom Brady hates and it isn't Jimmy Garoppolo. Jimmy G didn’t steal four games from Tom Brady.