Enjoying the Moment

So, everyone hates the Patriots and thinks they're cheaters but now I don't care.

 

I know it's wrong but I think I’m enjoying the fall of Roger Goodell even more than the rise of Tom Brady. For some reason, the moment in "Die Hard" when John McClain says to the LAPD Captain Dwayne T. Robinson, "Well, I'm not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV" comes to mind. There is nothing that's been said about Goodell – embarrassment, catastrophe, dick, loser, awful, misbegotten son of a donkey, failure, epic failure, total failure, the picture next to the word failure in the dictionary, hater, petty, vindictive, illegitimate whelp of a one-legged whore, unfit, irrational, supercilious, inadequate, under-endowed, incompetent, flawed, unintelligent, arrogant, ignorant, delusional, did I mention small penis/smaller brain? Nothing's been said about Goodell that hasn't made me smile.

I'm smiling right now.

The only thing that could make this better would be to hear that the owners were flying to New York to make a decision on Roger Goodell's future as the commissioner of the NFL. I still can't fathom why Goodell would announce immediately following the judgment that he would appeal. Why not first let your legal team examine Judge Berman's ruling to assess the likelihood an appeal would succeed? Are the owners who've anonymously expressed their desire to see Deflategate be over – one way or the other – in the minority? Aren't the stories that NFL owners plan to review Goodell's role in the disciplinary process essentially sustain the basis for Berman's ruling and make the chances of a successful appeal slim to none (and Slim just left town)? Roger Goodell is the George Costanza of sports commissioners; every decision he makes isn't just wrong, it's disastrous.

I'm still smiling.

Via the ESPN Patriots blog, I came across a players' poll that led with this number: 88% of players oppose Goodell's ultimate authority.

I'd recommend the other 12% immediately begin the league's concussion protocols.

In that same poll, 72% of the players surveyed said they think the Patriots deflated footballs but 84% said it was no big deal.

As for the 72%, I'm not terribly surprised. I'm pretty sure they were told there wouldn’t be any fluid dynamics in this week's game plan and I doubt any of them read the Wells Report, any of the scientific studies that shredded the Wells Report, visited Wikipedia to gain a layman's understanding of the Ideal Gas Law or wondered why the Patriots were deflating footballs when earlier in the year the Vikings were warming and inflating footballs.

That 84% number tells me the men who play the game know that not all footballs are created equal. They may not get the math of the Ideal Gas Law but they know from experience that cold and rain have an effect on the football.

I'm curious how this 16% and the previous 12% overlap. I would encourage following concussion protocols for this 16% as well.

It was somewhat surprising to find that 58% of the players surveyed don't think the Patriots are cheaters. I'm not really sure what to make of this. Haven't these guys been paying attention? The Patriots are the cheatingest cheaters who ever cheated! Perhaps this says more about what they know of their own team's interpretation of the rule book than it does the Pats.

The response on "Do you think deflated footballs impact the outcome of the game?" was interesting. 52% said yes and 48% said no. That's close enough to 50/50 as to tell me that none of these guys are really sure. From the standpoint of Chaos Theory and the concept of small changes in initial conditions, the correct answer is yes; the question would be how much of an impact and whether or not that impact is advantageous. Even Judge Berman noted that Tom Brady played better in the second half of the AFC Championship game after the footballs were re-inflated to the 12.5 PSI level Brady prefers.

Not that he was terrible in the first half.

A few other numbers from the poll…

85% said that even with Tom Brady sitting out four games, the Patriots would still make the playoffs.

Yeah, 12-4-0 is pretty much a lock for the playoffs.

80% have decided to forgive and forget Spygate; 20% are still mad about it.

20% of the players surveyed today were playing in 2007? Or is Deflategate just a scary story their daddy told them when they were playing Pee Wee football? This seems like an odd question; why would anyone be mad about Spygate? Did Spygate touch your sister's boob? Did Spygate call your momma fat? Did Spygate help pass Obamacare? Did Spygate make you get gay married? Did Spygate try to take your mentally ill cousin's guns away after he changed his Facebook profile picture to a burning cross? Did Spygate make quinoa a thing? Did Spygate vote for the Iran nuclear treaty? Did Spygate question American Exceptionalism? Did Spygate declare war on Christmas?

68% think that other teams tamper with footballs; 71% don't think the players on their own team cheat.

I'm sure you're familiar with Your Team Cheats, the web site that tracks and rates the relative cheatiness of NFL teams. I like this site because it rates the Broncos, Jets and Steelers as the cheatingest teams in the league while the Patriots fall somewhere in the middle of the pack. Anyway, it's human nature to see yourself as the honorable knight in shining armor doing battle with the forces of darkness; men with stained souls and rotting teeth.

Your guys cheat, my boys don't.

Yeah. Me, too.

We're on to Pittsburgh!

Big smile.