If You Can't Beat 'Em, Cheat 'Em

Apparently it’s true. Cheaters never win. Or they do until they get caught.

 

Cary Williams says the Patriots are cheaters. His proof? The fact the Patriots “haven’t won a Super Bowl since they got caught.”

Williams seems to be ignoring the 2005 and 2006 seasons when the Patriots had yet to be caught cheating but were unable to win the Super Bowl. Maybe they just weren’t cheating hard enough in ’05 and ’06; they got complacent after those back-to-back Lombardi Trophies in ’03 and ’04.

Semantics may not be Williams strong suit and I can only go by the quotes I’ve seen but he does use the present tense in describing the Patriots as cheaters. He doesn’t say they were cheaters. He says they are cheaters.

Well, if they are cheaters then why haven’t they continued winning Super Bowls?

Perhaps they’re cheating in non-championship ways. That would explain why New England has won all those regular season games since they got caught. The Patriots are 87-24-0 in the regular season since they got caught, a 78.38 winning percentage.

When it comes to regular season cheating you have to admit, these guys are pretty good at cheating. How else would you explain it? New England’s head coach posted a 36-44 record coaching the Cleveland Browns (not even cheating will help you win in Cleveland). Their quarterback was drafted in the 6^th round and may be the least athletic quarterback in the NFL since George Plimpton pretended to be an NFL quarterback. Their defense has been terrible since all the players Bill Parcells drafted retired. Seriously. They lost five starters to season-ending injuries and still went 12-4-0 and made it to the AFC Championship last year. How does that even happen?

That’s right.

Cheaters.

Cary Williams is certainly right about one thing. It is a fact that the Patriots haven’t won a Super Bowl since they got caught with their hands in the in the digital video cookie jar.

You know who else hasn’t won a Super Bowl in that same time frame? Those Cleveland Browns, the Detroit Lions, the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Houston Texans, the Buffalo Bills, the Minnesota Vikings, the Cincinnati Bengals, the Arizona Cardinals, the Atlanta Falcons, the Carolina Panthers, the San Diego Chargers, the Tennessee Titans, the New York Jets, the Indianapolis Colts, the San Francisco 49ers, the Kansas City Chiefs, the Miami Dolphins, the Washington Sunburns and the Philadelphia Eagles.

I’m really not sure what that means but it is a fact.