"I'm coming, I'm coming," Amanda Seymour said, more to herself than to the insistent visitors knocking at her front door. Amanda had made 68 trips around the sun. She was in good health, but at her age, having lived a full life with just a pinch of bitterness and only a dash of regret, she simply refused to be hurried.
Are there any more dreaded words in the lexicon of the whole wide world of sports than "if he's healthy?"
Look, I'm not unhappy with the DeVante Parker trade. I mean, any time you can take the 4th best wide receiver from another team - especially a division opponent - you just have to do that.
I kid.
More cautionary words: Low Risk/High Reward. I mean, we really should be talking Medium Reward here, shouldn't we?
Still…
As I understand it, although the Patriots have some salary cap levers to pull to take on his contract, they basically got Parker and a 2022 5th round pick for nothing; the 2023 3rd round pick they gave up should be replaced by the projected compensatory pick for J.C. Jackson. Whenever he's been healthy, Parker has been a beast. Can New England's trainers keep Parker's hamstrings loose and on the field? If so, Mac Jones' second year leap may clear tall buildings in a single bound.
Oops! I kind of slid back into "High Reward" territory there, didn't I?
Parker's arrival also means Belichick & Co. can go looking for some Josh Allen kryptonite in the 2022 draft.
Yes, New England could still look for an upgrade at WR but Belichick generally seems to prefer having 3-4 WR2 types than having a single WR1 (unless you can get Randy Moss for a 4th rounder, of course). That seems to fit with Belichick's strategy of taking away the other team's best player: He doesn't want to expose himself to that same risk. No, opposing defenses aren't game planning for Nelson Agholor, Kendrick Bourne, Jakobi Meyers, or DeVante Parker individually but if all four of them are on the field at the same time, one of them will have a favorable matchup; one of those WR2s are matched up with a CB3. I guess I'm just saying that all of you who were dreaming of John Metchie on Day 2 of the draft need to stock up on tissues.
This draft should be all about CB, LB, and OL, probably in that order but a lot depends on the 20 teams picking in front of the Patriots, of course. Given that the draft is about the future (while free agency is more about the here and now), there will no doubt be a classic Belichick head scratcher. I mean, we all just want to get out of the second round without the Pats taking a safety that Mel Kiper, Jr. doesn't even have a scouting report on, am I right?
The New England Patriots haven't won a playoff game in three years and Robert Kraft isn't having it.
Three years!
And yes, this is Exhibit A in the case for why other football fans hate the Patriots, hate Patriots fans, and hate clam chowder, lighthouses, the musical 'Wicked' (it's not about Boston but you think it is), blueberries, and Mark Wahlburger.
So, we're all kind of iffy about a guy and then he signs with an AFC rival and the rightwing, conspiracy-loving Whig Party of Patriots Nation lets out a cry filled with pain, regret, and mulled vitriol.
"Fire Bill Belichick!"
Seriously? Like JuJu Smith-Shuster wasn't Nelson Agholor 2.0.
