Darth Hoodie Finds Your Lack of Faith Disturbing

I was thinking… Should I be upset that so many pigskin pundits and bobbleheads are playing the passive-aggressive disrespect card by finishing any discourse on the Patriots' dominance on defense with "but they haven't really played anyone yet" followed by the list of less than replacement level quarterbacks they've faced in posting an 8-0-0 record?

And I realized… No. 

Is here another team that responds to the slightest of slights like the New England Patriots?

Who Are These Guys?

Do we know who these 2019 New England Patriots are? You know, the team that hasn't played anyone. The BSOD offense in desperate need of a firmware upgrade. The team that's played more tomato cans than Andy Warhol. 

Who are these guys?

I think we could find out a few things this Monday night.

Chasing The Patriots Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

There's an old saying in football that if you're not running a quarterback sneak on 4th and 1, you probably shouldn't be going for it on 4th and 1.  

As noted, it's an old saying. So, why is a new, modern, millennial, disruptive, innovative offense like the Kansas City Chiefs running a quarterback sneak? 

Is everything up to date in Kansas City?

A Long Way To Go

I may be rooting for the worst 6-0 team in the history of everything but it could definitely be worse. 

I'm looking at you Dallas Cowboys' fans.

Adversity Isn't Just A Suburb of Boston

See what I did there? I'm riffing on "Denial isn't just a river…" Oh, you got it? Okay...

If you're a Patriots fan, you know this is when it really gets interesting. The team is running like a 20-year old Ford 150 in dire need of a tune up. Injuries are piling up and seem to be clustering around a few key position groups. Has there been controversy? (Antonio Brown. Check.) Are there rumors of a rift between Tom/Bill/Robert and Bill/Robert/Tom? (That's become a cottage industry for pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, hasn't it?) Somehow, the cap-strapped Patriots are connected to every disgruntled player on the Other 31. Meanwhile, New England is working out street free agents who are coming off a disappointing, injury-limited start to their careers. Hey, when you're short on cap cash, you got to shop at the pigskin Dollar Store.

Time to plug some holes in the wall with toothpaste…

If This Is Wrong I Don't Want To Be Right

They're 6-0-0. They've outscored their opponents by 142 points. On a short week, battered by injuries and a Nor'easter, they won 35-14, covering an absurd 17 point line in the process.

So, what's everybody want to know?

How much longer must we endure this pigskin disaster that is the 2019 New England Patriots?

Jeopardy

They're chronically involved in controversy, their roster has been decimated by retirement, free agency losses, and injuries, they lack playmakers on offense, their AARP-eligible quarterback just had the worst game of his career yet they're still undefeated, sit atop NFL power rankings, and remain the money makers' favorite to win back-to-back Super Bowls…

[Jeopardy! music plays...]

Who are the New England Patriots?