Gronk, Actually

The recent workout in Los Angeles, with Tom Brady calling on Mr. Reliable, Robbie G, combined with the various photo ops from the ESPYS, the "what do I write about in July?" conundrum facing pigskin pundits and bobbleheads resulting in numerous will he/won't he pieces about Rob Gronkowski's potential return from retirement have even me wondering…

Well, will he? Won't he?

Rooting Interests

The NFL is the best reality show on TV. 

I know. Hardly a hot take. Still, it got me to thinking that while it's impossible at this point in the season to really know the Top 10 best teams in the league (though I'm sure there are plenty of preseason power rankings from various pigskin pundits and bobbleheads out there in the vast expanse of the Interwebs), I do have a pretty good idea already of the 10 Most Interesting Teams of 2019.

Another offseason list? Another offseason list…

Why Can't I Stop Doing This?

Lisztomania is a pretty good album by a French band you probably never heard of.

Listomania is the worst part of the NFL offseason.

The latest entry in this cynical and unabashed cycle of offseason clickbait that I do not seek out but more often than not gets tossed in my face by fellow Defenders of the Wall is the NFL.com's Top 10 Teams of the Decade.

By now you'd think I'd be smart enough not to take that bait.

What's that you say? You know me and you'd like to assure me that I really am not that smart?

You're telling me this for my own good?

Well. Okay then.

How Long Can You Stand On Everest

Let me ruin my own metaphor by channeling my inner Belichick: You don't stand on Everest, you have to climb it every year.

It only appears the Patriots are standing atop the NFL's Everest. Pigskin persistence of vision.

Captain of America's Game

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Our brains are wired to defend long- and deeply-held beliefs, regardless of objective facts that argue against the crazy thoughts running around in their underwear, shouting and snarling for attention in your cracked and dented cranium. Maybe you believe Guns n Roses is the greatest rock and roll band of all time. It won't matter how many Led Zeppelin records I play for you, providing ample evidence GnR were reductive, derivative hacks who couldn't hold Greta Van Fleet's jock; you're ride or die with Axl and Slash. You'll be buried in your "Appetite for Destruction" t-shirt while they play "November Rain."

But really, people. Tom Brady is a system quarterback? Peyton was better? Montana is the man? 

Can you even hear yourself?

Fan is Short for Fanatic

Ranking NFL fans? This is what we're down to? That and gifs of an uncomfortably happy Bill Belichick.

No offseason. Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want to call this, I'll be glad when it's over.

Okay, I guess I get it. Total clickbait. Everyone is going to check where they've been ranked because this one is personal. I don't use "we" when I refer to the Patriots because I'm not on the team. This time, though, it is about me, about us. Patriots Nation.

Tepid Takes

Are we sure there's no offseason?

Maybe Welker vs. Edelman or 2004 Pats vs. 2014 are fun mental exercises in the same way solving the quadratic equation in your head is fun. (It isn't.) Maybe mocking the trolls hasn't gotten old. (It has.) Let's face it. Brady was considered the GOAT after five rings. Now he has six. At this point, calling Tom Brady the GOAT is actually a tepid take. Who clicks a link like "Brady's the Best" (or some variation on that theme) other than Patriots fans? You know what kind of link will get clicks from fans from all fan bases?

Anything featuring the words "Brady" and "cliff."