We're on to the playoffs!
No, I'm not going to talk about the trip to Miami. I know the doctors all tell me I should get my feelings out but I don't think that would be good for their health or for my personal prospects vis a vis prison. So. No.
Let's just move on, shall we?
New England is back in the playoffs, baby!
I think the Patriots have a puncher's chance but then, this is the year of the team with a puncher's chance. I know there are a few pigskin pundits and bobbleheads riding the Packers' hype train (and almost as many who refuse to leave the Chiefs bandwagon) but there just doesn't seem to be a team that feels inevitable as we begin the quest for the Lombardi Trophy. And, aside from the Eagles and the Steelers (sorry, Pennsylvania), you can probably make a case for any team in the playoffs making a run. Then again, we might still see the #1 seeds face off in La La Land on February 13th. A Titans-Packers Super Bowl (assuming the once and future King Henry is good to go) could be all the bread and circuses (and three-layer dip) a football fan could ever want but how about Bengals-49ers in an acid flashback rematch from a far away gridiron galaxy a long, long time ago?
You know where I'm going, don't you?
That's right. It's time for a list!
My Fever Dream Super Bowl Matchups
Patriots vs. Buccaneers - I don't really have to explain this one, do I?
Patriots vs. 49ers - If the Pats can't play Brady, at least they can play against that motherf#*ker, Jimmy G.
Patriots vs. Rams - Just to see Bill Belichick spank Sean McVay again.
Patriots vs. Cowboys - Specifically, Patriots 55, Cowboys 3. And they kick the field goal in the 4th quarter to save themselves from being shut out. I don't know why I hate the Cowboys nor do I care to know. It just feels right.
Patriots vs. Everyone Else - Okay. They're my boys. Ride or die. Moving on.
Chiefs vs. Packers - Rodgers! Mahomes! Mahomes! Rodgers! (Please, oh please, Pigskin Gods, do not let this happen. I don't want to have to root for the Chiefs.) Let's all just start tracking the questionable officiating calls that favor these two teams as the playoffs play out, shall we? (Come on! You think the presidential election was rigged and you don't think the NFL can make this happen?)
Bills vs. Buccaneers - Because I'll be all in my feelings if the Bills beat the Patriots and will want to see Brady rip the still beating heart from the chest of the city of Buffalo (again) and shove it in Josh Allen's face before he eats it.
Chiefs vs. Buccaneers - The rematch everyone thought they wanted a year ago but then sort of forgot when the Chiefs struggled in the first half of the season and then injuries and crazy decimated the Buccaneers in the second half of the season. Does anybody but me want to see Brady beat Mahomes again? You in the corner there? Oh. Yes. The bathrooms are in the back…
Quick Aside: I know I said "there just doesn't seem to be a team that feels inevitable" but how could I forget Brady? If he was a professional wrestler, he'd be known as The Inevitable.
Bengals vs. 49ers - Just on the off chance we might see the ghost of John Candy.
Go Pats!
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