Rooting Interests

We’ve reached that point in the season where I care almost as much about other teams losing as I do about the Patriots winning.

Almost…

New England at San Francisco

The Patriots defense could shut out the 49ers and I doubt it would do much to stop the sharpening of pitchforks and stockpiling of kerosene for the torches. If New England puts a hurting on San Francisco (3+ turnovers, defensive and special teams TDs, 50+ points scored, Jimmy G plays the 4th quarter), the gridiron cognoscenti will lead with, “Well, it was the 49ers after all…”

Without Gronk and Chris Hogan out, my inner child’s post-defeat bloodlust is unlikely to be sated. Maybe Dion Lewis returns and reminds us all of what we’ve been missing. Maybe rookie WR Malcolm Mitchell has a breakout game. Maybe Cyrus Jones returns a kick without fumbling. Even if all those things happen, a 50-point win is probably out of the question.

And yes, that was a passive-aggressive attempt at a reverse jinx.

Baltimore at Dallas

I’m torn.

On the one hand, I’d rather the Cowboys save their worst game of the year for the Super Bowl.

On the other hand, I’m totally looking for a QB controversy in Big D that tears this team to shreds.

This game - and Terrell Suggs - could set that up.

Let’s say Dak Prescott gets knocked out of the game (concussion or non-throwing arm or maybe an ankle) with the score tied or the Cowboys trailing and Tony Romo comes on to throw a game-winning TD to Jason Witten. President-elect Trump tweets out congrats to Romo. Breitbart posts a story on political correctness and the “real story” behind black quarterbacks. In response, a Black QBs Matter movement starts. Gary Johnson admits he didn’t know Dallas was in the United States as a weary nation asks, “Gary who? Wait-what? That was the guy I threw away my vote for?” Protesters supporting both Prescott and Romo clash outside of the stadium on game day.

Hey, they are America’s Team, right?

Tennessee at Indianapolis

Because I blame the Colts for Deflategate and they should experience just how big of a bitch karma is.

Buffalo at Cincinnati

I can never have AFC East teams far enough in the rear view. Despite the 4-5-0 record and the three-game losing streak, the Bills are probably the second-best team in the division. The sooner their playoff dreams are crushed, the better.

I must admit, I’m intrigued by a possible future in which Rex Ryan replaces Matt Patricia as defensive coordinator for the New England Patriots. I know it’s a long shot but I’d really like to see New England’s defense actually blitz again before I die.

Miami at Los Angeles

So, Jeff Fisher had to pick this week to finally start Jared Goff?

Guess I’ll have to wait until next week for the Dolphins to begin their annual second half collapse.

Tampa Bay at Kansas City and Houston at Oakland

So, yes, I’d like to see the Patriots gain some separation in the race for home field advantage rather than rely on tiebreakers. Is this the week that happens? Probably not.

The Buccaneers have been better on the road than at home but Kansas City may be as tough a destination as any venue in the NFL. I think the only thing I have going for me here is the complete and utter unpredictability of Jameis Winston and the Bucs. That and the complete and utter unpredictability of Andy Reid’s in game decision-making. In other words, if the Chiefs have burned all three second half timeouts before the end of the 3rd quarter, there’s a chance.

Houston, on the other hand, has been terrible on the road so I don’t give them much of a chance against the Raiders, who’ve lately become something of a homoerotic fantasy for pigskin pundits and bobbleheads. Those piercing steel blue eyes of Derek Carr are difficult to resist.

Or so I’ve been told.

New York Jets at Bye Week

The Jets always bring the perspective. While Patriots Nation frets over the team’s Super Bowl bona fides, Jets fans are comparing how many toes they’ve shot off with how many bullets are left in the gun. This recent post by Manish Mehta helps to put the “Has Belichick lost it?” troll squealing in context. Well, Lawyer Milloy, Richard Seymour and Logan Mankins should’ve been plenty of context but whatever.

Former Jet linebacker Bart Scott believes Belichick has lost the Patriots locker room following the untimely departures of Chandler Jones and more recently, Jamie Collins. At least he didn’t go as far as the late Tom Jackson saying that everyone in the New England locker room hated Bill Belichick back in the day when Milloy was shipped out. Yeah. How did that turn out? Oh, right. That Patriots team hated their way to a Super Bowl win.

If Todd Bowles is worried about losing the locker room, he already has but I guess - if I was GM for the Jets - I’d look at this as an opportunity to jump start the obvious rebuild needed in Gotham. If there are players on the Jets who are going to “check out” if Bryce “Probably Not The Answer” Petty is given the start at QB, I’d want to know who they are so I could trade or cut them. Then again, I probably know who those guys are anyway because I’m the guy who put this roster of selfish immature spineless knuckleheads together in the first place.

And if I’m Todd Bowles, then maybe getting fired from this job wouldn’t be the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Never change, Jets. Please never change.