Indiana Wants Me

I'm thinking 73-0 is probably too much to ask for (though you never know unless you ask, am I right?).

A 60-burger? If the Patriots could score a TD on 9 possessions, that would be 63 points. At some point the Colts would have to start running the ball and the clock to keep the game from getting out of control.

Hey, seriously, I'd be fine with 45-7.

So, what's your favorite R-word for this game? Revenge? Retribution? Reckoning? Rancor? Redress? Recrimination?

Rabelaisian?

How about another R-word.

Anyone else think this will be one of those "random" games where they check the air pressure of the game balls? I know they're playing indoors - and I know the League still hasn't figured out the details of how they'll use the data to convict Tom Brady - but something tells me they'll be checking.

Oh, sure. The Patriots - and the Colts - will say all the right things. It's just this week's game. It's important in and of itself. The Patriots have a chance to keep themselves in the "Home Field Throughout the Playoffs" discussion. The Colts have a chance to exorcise a whole lot of demons if they can finally overthrow the dreaded tormentors of the northeast. Let's face it. We're all starting to wonder if Andrew Luck is the next Matthew Stafford. 

This is a huge game for Indianapolis. 

I mean, come on!

Yes, the Colts win the AFC South, even if they lose this game. They win the AFC South blindfolded and with one arm tied behind their backs, too. Yes, all eleven players on the field have one arm tied behind their back and they still win the AFC South. Winning the AFC South is the dull expectation. The Colts have pretensions to elite status. They have to beat the best to be the best.

Okay.

Despite what these two teams say publicly, there's a shared subconscious context for these players. We know that they know that we know that they know what's going on. These guys may be a long shot for a Nobel prize but they're not stupid. Not that stupid, anyway. Like nobody's that stupid. Maybe a zombie. A zombie would be unaware of Deflategate, the quixotic run of Donald Trump for the Republican nomination, the Nicki Minaj/Taylor Swift Twitter beef or what was it that Elon Musk guy did that makes anyone care what he says. I hate zombies. That would be the worst. 

So, I guess my point is that there are no zombies on either the Colts' or Patriots' rosters. Instead, these ballers are sentient, self-aware, larger than average beings with scared little children deep down inside of them. It's a big game. In the back of the Colts' player's minds, a dark creature with hooked nails and glowing eyes crouches waiting behind a couch in a living room lit only by the flickering television screen. (Jim Nantz's voice can be heard gleefully calling out, "He missed it!") Then suddenly the lights come on and that dark creature turns out to be Tom Brady, laughing as he pricks the football with his middle hook-nailed finger, air escaping in an audible hiss. Then Brady throws the ball - which flies truer thanks to the tiny jet of air aiding its spiral - to even larger than average Rob Gronkowski who runs into the end zone with seven Colt defenders holding on for their very lives as Gronk stiff-arms and tramples the other four Colt defenders beneath his cleats, leaving them broken, rolling around in pain on the artificial turf.

I'm sure Patriots' players have their fears, too...

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 

I'm kidding of course.

This one's for you, Andrew Luck.